Can you help me with this friendly neighbor/etiquette issue I have with my upstairs neighbor concerning garbage removal?

Talk to her “in passing” (meaning go talk to her when you know she is going by, but not like you were stalking her.) and say, “hey, I was wondering if we can talk about taking turns on the garbage cans.”

Then develop the conversation so you can get your point across like you are sharing Labor.

At the very least, it lets the neighbor know they have to put the cans out too.

How about tell her you recently had an injury and won’t be able to take all of the garbage cans to the road, and wanted to let her know since you have been taking hers too.

Are the cans color coded or something so you know which one is for which apartment?

@JLeslie They are marked with our street number and apartment number.

Great suggestions, both of you. thank you.

Here’s another idea. Why not ask her to come down for a cup of tea or coffee so you can get to know each other a bit? In the course of the conversation, mention the laundry and the garbage cans. You might have started this problem by taking them all out to the curb and may need to remind her that some are hers to take. On the other hand, if you are using some of “hers” for your garbage, you may need to take responsibility for taking those to the curb. If you can frame it as issues that you can work out together and not blaming issues, it should work out fine.

I live in a similar situation! Except my upstairs neighbors are my brother and sister in law…

I think it is fair to bring it up in passing that you have trouble moving the cans and would like help. As long as you are polite about it they should take it well. If they don’t take it well or refuse to help then I would stop taking their cans to the curb and let it pile up and tell the landlord that your neighbor isn’t taking their trash out.

A few years ago my neighbors were letting trash bags pile up in our stairwell and they STUNK. They had dirty diaper bags and old cat litter waste just baking in the no a/c hall and so I took it out for them. I could smell it in my kitchen. Well they got used to it and they just stopped taking out their trash. When I told my SiL if her husband could take it because I wasn’t going to anymore she said she had no idea I was taking it she thought it was her husband being good at doing his chores.

They still don’t take their trash out. :(

Maybe since you use hers sometimes and you also help her out with taking them to the curb, you can alternate days. Kind of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”

@janbb has a good idea, about getting to know her. Last time I lived in a building, there was a nosey old lady across the hall. I didn’t like her because she was always looking out her blinds or opening the door a crack and staring at me. Then it was Mother’s Day and so I decided to be a nice person and give her a Mother’s Day card. She was so nice to me after that. She gave me cookies at Christmas and she was really sweet. It just took me reaching out and getting to know her.

It does occur me that this is the same person who leaves her laundry for days. I see a pattern.

In a good marriage (marriage meaning any relationship) there are negotiations and agreements. The question is, is she agreeable, and will she do some work? If not, then you will have to stop helping her, because you can’t rely on her to help you. It will be each man out for himself. If you can have a system where each of you are helpful to each other and take varying responsibilities then it will work. Your being “a good neighbor” might be enabling her to be a deadbeat. Hopefully, with one of the ideas above you can sort it out. @janbb’s idea is nice, making a friendship with her, or at minimum building a rapport, and maybe you can get a feel for if she is amiable, and willing to take on some of the work.

Neither of you can read each other’s minds. You either need to be able to communicate constantly, or decide who is going to be responsible for what.

What I mean by that is my husband and I don’t have a rule who takes out the trash, we just say to each other, “I’ll take out the trash,” or, “can you take out the trash,” on trash night. We do have a rule that I do the laundry, so I simply get it done. The trash example only works if you are constantly in communication, the laundry doesn’t require a lot of communication.

I would STOP using her garbage cans all together and take out your garbage as needed more often.
This pattern was steered wrong from the beginning .

That way no obligation to your neighbor to take hers out.But let her know that you will not be needing the use of her garbage cans anymore as its your responsibility to take care of your own.

Initially , it seems like the confusion might be from the fact that you started taking out their bins.

But if she moved in before you did, she must have known to take her own bins out to the curb.

I’d just stop taking them out. Unless they are elderly with mobility issues. But you also have your stuff going on too.

If your one pail is not enough to handle your garbage, you can either buy another one (at your expense) or ask the landlord to provide another one. Then if you decide you no longer want to take the neighbor’s garbage to the curb, at least there’s no issue of you having used hers and being obligated. I feel like if you are putting your garbage into her pail, then you are obligated, and it becomes a gray area.

Straight forward seems best. Simply tell her she is responsible for taking her 3 cans to the garbage pick up area.

Great suggestions everyone. Thank you so much.

She moved in two weeks before we did. Trash had already piled up in some of them so I assume she didn’t know it was her responsibility. Many of the rentals here are owned by large corporations and they have someone take care of the yard work and garbage. We have a private landlord so it’s our responsibility. It’s possible her previous landlord took care of the garbage and our landlord didn’t mention it. When I met our landlord she never mentioned the garbage so I asked her myself.

I took a bag to my garbage can this morning and neighbor put a bunch of her garbage in our can. Apparently she hasn’t noticed they are assigned and marked with our apartment numbers. It might also have been that her cans are full because I only took mine out last week.

I’ll have a friendly chat with her. She has two children who are old enough to help so it shouldn’t be a problem. Thanks again!

You aren’t responsible period. Do not take your neighbor’s garbage to the street. If you need more garbage can space, purchase yourself a second one. Let the landlord know if you neighbor does not take their garbage to the street. Don’t make easy things hard. Life is good.

So, she may have no clue at all that she is supposed to be taking her trash cans to the curb.