@rebbel . Most venues, that I worked, none of my guys, had weapons. But many were ex-military, including current military. My orders were to kill (if someone pulled a deadly weapon, ) because we had no tazers, or non-lethal tools. When you have a place, packed with 1,500 people, you can’t let someone start shooting. That is/was the main reason for my orders. I told them straight up, if you see a person pull a gun, try to incapacitate them, even if that means a possible killing tactic. Most of my men,myself included, know/knew how to kill, hand to hand.
I’ve been stabbed, and shot at. In each instance, I put the man down, with no concern about his life. When possible, I would disarm them, and throw the weapon far away, and restrain them. But have seriously hurt people who pulled weapons. The guy who shot at me, did so from his truck, after I kicked him out. He took his shot, and sped off. He hit my building, close to the green room. I haven’t been stabbed, with a knife, just broken beer bottles. Those who pulled knives, I used a metal chair, to subdue. I kept one, by the front door, of each venue I worked unarmed.
I have beaten a few men, to the point where they may have died. Luckily, they didn’t. I usually just choked them out (not legal, but better than killing them,) or tore their shoulder up.
With all due respect, it’s very easy to make statements, like just shoot him in the leg. Some people are on powerful drugs, and need more than that, to stop them.
I’ve stated before, that I hated hurting people. I still have nightmares, about what I’ve done to some people. But if you truly knew me, you’d know, that I felt that there was no other option…
There’s a reason that I don’t do that work, anymore. If I never have to hurt anyone, for the rest of my life, I’ll be comforted by that, on my death bed…
I’m not a “good person.” I tried to de-escalate EVERY situation. But I failed sometimes…The result, was me seriously injuring some men. Or having one of my men, get hurt. Which I place full blame on myself for…
Being a LEO, does indeed mean, that you may have to kill someone. That’s something that I couldn’t live with anymore. So… I quit law enforcement. I have PTSD, from what I’ve done. I have started a new career, and it’s not going great. But… At least I don’t have to hurt anyone, anymore… In retrospect, I think I did the best I could, to not hurt people. But as I said, there are situations, where it is the only option.
I’m very good, at hurting people, or fighting multiple people. But, it is a curse. I often wish, I was never born. Then, I couldn’t have done, what I have done…
I take NO pride, in the pain, and suffering, that I was forced to inflict on others… I am ashamed of it. I could be making a LOT more money, if I stayed in the profession. Now. I can barely pay my bills, and am lucky to eat once a day…
I judge myself, very seriously, for what I’ve been. I KNOW that there are others like me. Haunted by their past, and trying to be a better person. Not every LEO, enjoys their job. Especially when it comes to violence. We get burnt out, and mentally fatigued by it.
I am sorry for my long post. I just wanted to let you know that being a LEO, sucks…
Peace n love.