How do you navigate being friends after you choose not to date?
Asked by
MaisyS (
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)
November 1st, 2019
My friend and I decided to be more than just friends a while ago, and for a few weeks we were really happy. Just having a good time in general. But we didn’t really say we were dating. We’re in high school and we both know how temporary “love” in high school can be.
So yesterday we were talking and I cracked a joke because she was messing with me, telling her it was like dating ( insert inside joke I can’t really explain) . She started teasing me, saying that i had called her my girlfriend. I said nothing.
Later, once we were home, she texted me, asking exactly where our relationship stood.
We talked it out, and she told me she wasn’t really ready to call anyone her girlfriend. I also brought up something that had been on my mind, namely that i had known i was attracted to girls before her, and had felt for her much longer too, and that it was quite visible that I liked her a whole lot more than she liked me. She agreed saying she herself still wasn’t even sure she liked girls, and that she did care for me a lot but she wasn’t sure now if it was just as friend or something more. So we decided that for now, it was safest to go back to being friends, till she could figure out more.
Today in school was utterly awkward. She leaned in to kiss me, then pulled back, was extremely hesitant about even hugging me (which is something the girls at school do all the time) and told me she felt I had ignored her all day during lab, our last lesson of the day. And I guess maybe I had, because I felt extremely awkward.
How do you navigate being friends after having an odd not-really-relationship?
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6 Answers
Is this about the girl who was mean in front of your friends, who kissed you and then drew back a while ago? If it is, I would stay away from her. She doesn’t know what she wants.
If this is someone else, I would suggest that usually you need a cooling off period when you’ve had or almost had a relationship with someone before resuming a friendship. I would be upfront with her and say that maybe you both need some distance from each other before being close friends again. You don’t need to make a big drama about it but just cool things down for a while.
High school is hard and it’s hard to find someone that is ready for a relationship. Good luck!
“Is this about the girl who was mean in front of your friends, who kissed you and then drew back a while ago? If it is, I would stay away from her. She doesn’t know what she wants.”
THIS! 1000 times this.
Let the chips fall. Friendship is usually sort of organic anyway.
Personally, I would NOT want this girl as my friend on any level!!! She is merely bi-curious & is USING you to get what SHE NEEDS.There are times in your life that you just need to cut your losses & continue on with your life. I think that this is one of those times!!!
I still hear from an old boyfriend that I dated 27 years ago. Lol!
We are not in close proximity to each other like you are with your ex so things are never uncomfortable.
The last time I saw him was at my dad’s funeral. Things were fine.He and my husband got along fine and I’d expect nothing less.
Too much time has passed anyway for it to feel odd.
Maybe you have to give it some time to “calm down”.
So many people get this wrong & yet the answer is staring you in the face.
Dates are friends too, don’t let the whole kissy kissy thing get in the way :D
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