Do you think that calling an older person "dear" is ageist, insulting and inappropriate?

I’d hardly find it offensive as I highly doubt the waiter’s intention is to offend. I’d most likely view it as their own quirk.
I always wonder what kind of things don’t irritate people who look for reasons to be offended

I hadn’t really thought about it, but I suppose it could be. Kind of like automatically giving the senior discount without even asking if they’re over 65.

Oh, for pete’s sake. I’m 65 and never offended by such things. A stranger trying to be pleasant is a good thing.

It will sound very condescending for a younger person to call an older respectable person“dear”.

I had a much younger women do that to me and she used it often( condescending) to let me know that because ( newly married) her husband owned the store that through divine osmosis that she inherits the same respect and title???? Its denigrating.

I stopped her in her tracks when I started replying the same to her ” Yes dear…..etc)

She realized her error pretty quick ,but it took embarrassment for her to see it.
She went too far even with her new in laws calling her mother in law “dear” also didn’t go well.
Another one that she used was “my dear” after everything that she said.( “make sure that you do..“my dear” )..got people pissed off.

Can’t say anything these days without some bugger being offended.
All I will say though is, it would depend on the way it was said.
Not in this case as that is highly improbable, but I’ve seen it said before where the person will lean over speaking in a patronising way as if the elderly person was deaf or was a bit slow. That is not cool & they deserve a swift kick in the nuts.

Its called elder speak and its NOT helpful to seniors especially

Here is a link:
https://changingaging.org/elderhood/elderspeak-babytalk-directed-at-older-adults/

At its core, elder speak communicates a condescending attitude.

And from that attitude the person’s language might demonstrate the following features of elder speak:
Speaking slowly
Speaking loudly
Using a sing-song voice
Inflecting statements to sound like a question
Using the pronouns “we,” “us,” and “our” in place of “you.”: “How are we doing today?”
Using pet names such as “sweetheart,” “dearie,” or “honey”
Shortening sentences
Simplifying syntax (sentence structure)
Simplifying vocabulary
Repeating statements or questions
Answering questions for the older adult: “You would like your lunch now, wouldn’t you?”
In other ways talking for the older adult: “You are having a good time on the patio today, I see. And you have your pink sweater on, which you love.

You know what is condescending and inappropriate?

Puffing up your chest to express your economic superiority over the staff .

Got a problem.. Talk to the manager. Don’t corner the people just wanting to get by. What is your desired outcome? “Ma’am may I please your clean the heels of your shoes?”

I would have 86’ed the bitch.

Depends on how it’s said and meant, and perhaps also on the audience and how they receive it.

I think it’s accurate that usually, wait staff don’t try to upset their customers.

(This reminds me of how I can’t help feeling annoyed when wait staff ask “how’s everything tasting?” though again, I know they don’t mean to be annoying.)

No. I don’t look for things about which to be offended.

@Inspired_2write: there is a HUGE difference between a server saying “dear” and someone with whom you are doing business saying “dear”. A younger waiter using the term is so unlikely to be condescending by simply using that word that it shouldn’t even register on the meter. In fact, the older woman chastising the server at his place of business is beyond rude and condescending.

Context is everything.

Not at all. I am much more inclined to believe the affectation a habit acquired from the waiter’s youth. He almost certainly picked it up from some woman who used it routinely when he was a kid. Perhaps his mother when speaking to her mother or other elderly acquaintances. I have definite memories of women routinely referring to people as “dear” in bygone days, and lavished on kids and husbands in particular. Funny how the trait has all but vanished.

Its more familiar than I’d use to a stranger.
Ma’am, Sir is more appropriate.

Belittling. Disrespectful.

In America I wouldn’t call an older person ‘dear’.

Potentially costly perhaps.

Dear oh dear oh dear.

I’ll go with inappropriate, but not a catastrophe. I think people say it out of habit with no mal intent, but I have to say that when I am interacting with a stranger who is older I tend to try to be more careful about showing respect, and even being a little more formal.

I’ve caught two different waitresses in different restaurants where I live calling 60+ year old patrons “kids” and I find it extremely off-putting.

I wouldn’t make an issue about the “dear” nor get worked up about it.

@JLeslie I read about the incident on Facebook, and of the 5 or 6 people at the table, the older lady was the only one the waitress addressed with that term.
I think it’s thoughtless, at least.