If you are serious about your girlfriend should she live with you?

Welcome back, Eggie.

Once you are dating, and sleeping together, its often a natural progression to living together. If you say anything now, she may get upset and offended.

Maybe ask her to help you finish decorating, and decide if you want to ask her to move in?

If you are uncomfortable with how much she is staying over, you probably should talk it out with her even if it is a painful discussion. There are no rules about these things and both people should be comfortable with each step that is taken.

@janbb I have spoken about it but I feel like I am wrong for talking to her about it because as Knowitall said we have been sleeping together and we have been together for a long time. I am really two minds about it.

Talk more more now, fight less later

@Eggie Sounds to me like she’s trying to move ahead with you, and you dragging your feet. If you dont want her, break up and move on. To me, she’s not doing anything wrong.

@KNOWITALL There’s no right or wrong here but both people have to be comfortable with where things are at.

@EGGIE There’s no need to break up with her either, you just need to communicate. There are even some married couples who don’t live together all the time.

There are very few “shoulds” in relationships besides don’t be cruel or betray someone’s trust in you. The rest is all negotiations.

There are no set rules on living together. Since you seem hesitant about it, I don’t think you should.

Some sound advice above (communicate!).
Also, there’s more than just one relationship form out there.
Check this six minute video from The School Of Life out >>>

No, not necessarily.
I don’t think you are wrong at all but I would discuss it with her and get that fight over with . ;)

Eggie you’re just being a guy, and one I’d break up with if we were dating years and years, sleeping together, but me being there ‘too much’ for you was a problem. Boy bye…. Good luck.

There’s some research suggesting that couples fare better when they make decisions like this consciously and jointly, rather than just letting things happen.

For that reason and because you sound frustrated, I would definitely talk to her. Here is a link to a helpful technique for bringing up tricky subjects in a relationship.

@Eggie You’re right to feel some apprehension because it has been my experience that once cohabitation starts then marriage will follow shortly. If you’re not ready for that then you need to be honest about it. That said I would highly recommend cohabitating for at least two years before putting a ring on it. Should be enough time to know if it’s right.

Get her out of there. If she stays and starts calling it ‘home’ getting mail there you’ll legally have an occupant (with rights) instead of a guest.

If you’re hesitant and unsure then it’s valid to feel that way. Whether or not she is ok with it is something that you’re going to deal with. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Her feelings will be valid. Your feelings are valid. Go with what you feel and see how she takes it. Don’t be pushed into something you’re unsure of.

@jca2 Does that mean I was not serious about her in the first place?

@Eggie: I don’t know you and I don’t know her. All I’m saying is that your feelings are valid. They’re legitimate. Examine them. Speak to a therapist if you need help sorting it out.

I lived with two different girlfriends in my lifetime. At the time I was serious about them.

The answer is no. You could have the same girlfriend for 20 years but that is not reason enough to live together.

@Sagacious So you are saying that you can be in a serious relationship but she doesnt have to live with you?

@Eggie: Some people are married and totally committed but they don’t live together.

@Eggie No one has to live with you. If you are in a serious relationship and ready to make a lifetime commitment, get married and live a combined life. Bring a family into your home that will provide them safety and security of love and permanence. Living together as a couple is not just having a roommate. You aren’t ready. You wouldn’t be asking these questions if you were. When you are financially stable and finished your formal education and in a real career, then consider making a lifetime commitment to a wife and family. There is no rush.