Was I wrong?

Yes, you were wrong.
A lot of men will present as very charming to the public…a “Good guy” but they become animals behind closed doors.
She’s an adult. It was her decision. Give her that and get over it.
Divorce is a new beginning for many people, especially abused women.

But she wasn’t abused. He adored her. Her issue was “they had grown apart”..he lIkes to hunt and fish, so what? Like I told her, would you rather he go fishing with his bud or be out womanizing? And now my two eldest grandsons have my back because I sided with their dad but my oldest grand daughter has turned on me too. I suspect there’s and old flame of hers (my daughters) behind all this but I’m washing my hands of it. Relationship crap isn’t my forte.

You were wrong. It’s your daughter, you should be on her side or at least trying to understand what created the environment that led to divorce. You broke her heart by being on the other side

Damn chyna…that’s exactly what my oldest grand daughter said.

So fix it now, before it’s too late. Back your daughter. Trust her.
It’s really depressing that family is taking sides against her.
Her ex will be out of everyone’s lives soon. Then no one will have anything.

Good advice Dutch..think I’ll call or text her tommorow and try what I can. I just don’t get it is all. Hell her mom and I.have been married damn near 40 years and I could never dream of divorce. If she passed on before I do Id probably do myself in. Guess people don’t think like that any more.

Women have more options for getting out than they used to. Women initiate the majority of divorces.
We were simply trapped before.

I suppose so. Sad state of affairs though. Oh well that’s what I get for asking. Open mouth insert foot.

You were wrong.

“I just told her I was disappointed and that Id never attend another wedding in my life.”

If you haven’t done so yet, you should apologize for being jerkish towards her, for being judgemental about something that was her business when you should have just been supportive, and let her know that you understand that it was probably hurtful and offensive to her to say the things you said, and that you didn’t really mean it and wish you hadn’t said it and could take it back, that you love her and hope she can some time forgive you because you’d like to be able to be supportive of her going forward.

Point taken. I will work on this.

My dad used to beat the shit out of my mom and my sister. But never the visible parts. Pretty sure that was intentional. He was a mechanical engineer.

So one night dad was drunk again, somehow blood ended up all over the bathroom and there was a chisel in the tv. We were living in Elk Grove at the time, a suburb of Sacramento. The cops came and told my mom that my dad wouldn’t be so angry if she did a better job of cleaning the house. And then they left. Then he got more violent.

Our family knew nothing of the fucking terror that went on in our house until the sentencing. And even then my dads family didn’t believe our testimony.

After a certain point it is embarrassing to admit you fucked up for so long. My dad threatened to kill us if my mom ever left him. So I get why my mom stuck around.

Your daughter can do what she wants and your instincts may be correct that she is doing something crappy. You probably don’t know so it likely would have been best to just stay out of it. I’d tell her you did not mean it and that you’re sorry and see where that goes.

Seen unfortunate divorce like that a time or two. Luckily we were able to be there and support both sides for one of them as there were kids involved. Yeah, both times it came out that one party already had a new partner lined up. Can’t judge though, don’t know all the facts.

I hate hearing all of this “guy must have been a jerk behind closed doors” nonsense from people who don’t know the facts but should know better than to throw that out there.

You were wrong. If you want to mend this, apologize (sincerely) and let her know that you understand that you may not know everything about why her marriage ended (and really, you don’t) and your reaction was overblown and inappropriate.

She may not be willing to forgive you, but you owe her the apology for messing in her business.

People “grow,” and that doesn’t mean that they grow together. Sometimes, it means that they grow apart.

My ex, was married to her high school, boyfriend, for over 15 years. She used to say, she loved him, but wasn’t “in love” with him anymore. They got divorced.
I was with her for 5 years. We were in love. Then she dumped me. It became clear that she loved me, but wasn’t “in love,” with me anymore. I didn’t do anything wrong. We just grew apart… I don’t know why…

We got back together, for a few weeks, but she left me again…

I blame myself, for getting back with her. In those weeks, it was obvious that something had changed. It wasn’t the same. I don’t know what I did, or didn’t do.
But it’s over now…
My heart is broken, and I think about what I may have done wrong, every day…

I listen to Prince’s version of “I can’t make you love me,” often…
It’s sad, and yet, makes sense.

You have to just understand that people grow apart. There may not be an explanation.

Like I said, I blame myself. Although I may never understand why things ended up, the way they did.
But, I don’t want to be with a girl, who doesn’t want to be with me.

Relationships, are complex, and unfortunately, they break down.

I am definitely mad at my ex. But , I accept, that I must have done something wrong. So. I’m really just confused, and mad, at myself.

Sometimes, things, just don’t work out… Maybe, in another universe, we are happy together? ...

There must be some reason, your daughter wasn’t happy anymore. And it should be her business, as to why, and will potentially lead her, to be happy…

It’s not up to me, why my ex left me. It’s certainly not up to anyone else…

Frankly the reasons dont matter, she just needs her dad in her corner no matter what. Tell her you may not understand but she is always your priority and you adore her.

As other Jellies have already said, you were wrong. A marriage is a private place, and nobody outside of it can know what happens within. You say that your former SIL had been such a “good” husband and father, but that’s nothing more than your own opinion; you had no right to impose it on your daughter. At a time when you should have been supporting her, during a difficult time of her life, you chose to judge and condemn. Now, you’re living with the fallout.

I hope time will men this rift. A sincere apology might help.

Maybe she did break up with a great guy. It wouldn’t be the first time a relationship ended for reasons that are incomprehensible to people outside the marriage. Only time will tell if this is a mistake on her part but in the meantime, she’s your daughter and you want to have a relationship with her. Talk to her, tell her you realize you were wrong and you want to try to mend things between you.

Please let us know how it turns out.

I would just like to remind you that people have motives and reasoning for doing things that you may not understand or that she may not ever tell you. Just don’t assume things were perfect, and even if they were and she is just falling out of love, let it happen. I would rather someone leave me because they don’t love me anymore than keep it going and waste both our times (and probably hurt me more in the process of leading me on).\
I am in no way trying to insinuate that your daughter was abused and she’s lying, I’m just saying that sometimes people don’t always explain the full story

Talked to her today, all is well again. Knew she wouldn’t abandon her old pappy. I just told her I was sorry and should not have butted in. Still no details about the why and wherefore of it all, but I’m leaving it be. Now if I can run interference between her and her mom. But that would probably blow up in my face too.
Think I’ll leave well enough alone.

Yes. Leave her relationships alone. Glad she forgave you.

@NoMoreY Good job, proud of you. Sure wish my dad would do the same. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you as well KnowitAll. Happy New Year too. Party down but have a sober driver near by. Cheers

@NoMore Not unless we spike the nog haha

I don’t know about running interference…just let her know that you’re there to talk to, a shoulder to lean on .

@NoMoreY_Aagain I’m so glad you were able to heal the rift. Estrangements are painful in any circumstances, but especially so during the holidays. This is the time for families to be together. Now, you and your daughter can begin 2020 in the best way. Hooray!

Still no details about the why and wherefore of it all Of course, as we, your Jelly Pals, were so quick to say, that’s her business. Maybe she’ll tell you someday; maybe she won’t.

Now if I can run interference between her and her mom Oh, please don’t do that! Let them resolve their issues on their own terms, just as you and your daughter have done.