Can you write a mock scientific piece?

The retina functions in relation to the pressure of the light source on the rear of the prenium and whether the frontal lobe is stimulated by the rear entry of the organ. All of this has no bearing on the subjects propensity to ejaculate.

Paper plate tectonics: Alfie Wegener and his neighbor’s hamster, Jim.
Wegener realized that the incontinents drifted around as early as 1912. But it wasn’t until yesterday afternoon at a picnic that Wegener a gynecologist, was a key contributor of some of the major pieces (yeah, he was!) while many other researchers also played no roles whatsoever, even though they wanted to. Real bad.
(Keep in mind that paper plate tectonics should not be confused with Stoneware plates Tectonic, a good name for a revolutionary science-theme restaurant.)

Yay! Love them!

For us to be able to see the light from a star that is literally billions of light years away suggests that an enormous amount of photon mass would have to be emitted from that star into the celestial space around that star. I cannot imagine that as a possibility. [The Aurora Borealis has a different explanation.] We also know the researchers in quantum mechanics claim to have found particles with physical mass that pass in and out of [our physical domain/our existence…] Assuming that the theory of photons having physical mass is true, could the photons be passing in and out of existence as the light’s waveform alternates between states, and the photons’ mass would be from something local instead of from the unbelievable distance to the star that was the original light source?

One of the most incisive psychological tests used today combines Freudian psychoanalysis and inkblot recognition psychological testing on male patients..

This technique, relative new and somewhat controversial, is called Rorschach Testicles. It involves observation of the scrotal sac, and specifically the shape and direction of the testicles. Through such observation, and longitudinal mapping of their orientation and solidity, a conclusion can be made about the patient’s mental state.

Rorschach Testicles and the benefits of such analysis are, sadly, not available to all but a very few women.

LOLL!!

I used to have two large, blown glass balls. I used them when I taught about protons and electrons in the elementary school. The blue one was Paul, the proton. The red one was Ellie, the electron.
Paul thought he was SO attractive! He was just so sure that every women he saw would be drawn in by his positive attraction.
In a fake French accent, holding a glass ball in each hand, “Hey baybee! Come here baybee!!”
Ellie would start struggling, “No no no!! No GROSS no!!” The kids always laughed at that. :D
Yes, Paul had a positive attraction / charge like a magnet that drew women to him, but what he didn’t know is that Ellie had a negative charge that was pushing back at him. So what they end up doing is just circling around and around each other, Paul trying to pull her in, “Come here Bebee!” and Ellie pushing back going “NOOO!! Go away!!” forever.

And I bet every single student I taught that lesson to can tell you that a proton has a positive charge, and and electron has a negative charge.

In the meginning mod meated meaven and mirth and made man. He made him in his own likewise.

Time for some mirth control, @Pinguidchance

Carcinogenic effect of Milnesium tardigradum excrement on the human respiratory and reproductive systems.

(Those tardigrades look cute, but they’re killers!)

Left handed threaded magnolium clevis will not fit on a aluminiod framastan.

A play on Young Sheldon.

Have you heard of the Turbo Encabulator?

It is brilliantly done.
I’m making my next cardinal grammeter out of prefamulated amulite.

And here’s one from this century.