Why do some men seem to confuse fear with respect?
Audio of Tyreek and his fiance arguing about what happened to their 4 year old son when he broke his arm.
Tyreek insists that his son respects him.
His fiance said it’s not respect, it’s terror.
As you listen, it is plain that he’s an abusive asshole. He says “And you should be terrified of me too, bitch.”
If there is anyone who wants to somehow excuse him, this was less than a year ago.
BTW, they both lost custody of their son because the DA couldn’t tell who had hurt him.
Why does he continue to insist that that his son respects him when it becomes clear that the baby is simply terrified of the brute?
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@Dutchess_III It’s a great question. I think it probably boils down to how they were raised. I also think they’re associating obedience with respect. You get obedience from both fear and respect so I think someone who was themselves abused could easily mix them up.
Because as long as it results in obedience, it does not matter to them.
I get the point you are trying to make but “some men” is an insult to nearly all men.
There aren’t all that many men who suffer the same pathology that afflicts Hill and his equally afflicted girlfriend. Those two clearly have problems outside of the norm.
. I predict an unhappy ending.
Robin Williams once said he was terrified of his father.
I was so lucky to have the father I did. As I go through life, I realize that over and over.
My first guess is it’s because they’ve never experienced real love- or true respect. All they’ve ever known is fear. So of course, instilling fear in others to enforce obedience becomes their reality when they grow up.
It’s because they define respect as being obedient. It doesn’t matter how or why the person is being obedient.
My kids respected me. They showed me by doing things I’d never asked of them, like turning down certain songs in the car when they came on because of certain words or themes. You should have seen their faces when I reached over and cranked, Because I Got High back up!
When my son was about 15 I had forbidden him to hang out at the dam because a whole lot of druggies hung out there.
At one point, a couple of years later, I told his best friend, “He goes to the dam with you guys,doesn’t he.”
He said, “No, actually, he doesn’t. He really does what you tell him to do or not to do.”
Except for that time he asked to borrow the car to go camping and he went to a concert in Wichita instead. He had JUST gotten his license, too! Jerk!
To play devil’s advocate, I would say, they are similar.
Well. At least the threat of getting the ramifications…
My father, didn’t really understand the difference. But. That was because of his upbringing. He rarely “beat” me, and he certainly didn’t beat my Mother. But. I was afraid of him, until I was about 15. Then. I could beat him, most times, hand to hand. He could still knock me out, but I usually was faster/stronger. But. He’d pull a gun on me, in a bad situation. So. I had to pin him down….
I didn’t usual injure him, but I would keep him, from gragging a gun…. if he had one, I would get it away from him.
Only now, do we have a mutual respect. But, it’s been a journey.
I only recently, got the understanding, to take an armed person’s gun away.
Being feared, is only when you fear the person, with a weapon. I don’t fear that, in the moment. I may vomit, and amd shake, afterwards. But, I have then temporary… it’s temporary.
But, then you are terrified just like a normal person…..
It’s hard to explain….
By the way, there are women who also confuse it.
Men and women have different ideas of what “respect” means.
@Dutchess_lll Plenty of women use fear to get respect. My friend saw her older sister get beaten by their mom, and so my friend did her best as a young child to learn from that and not do anything to antagonize her mom for many years. Her mom definitely thought obedience had to do with respect. Also, answering, “yes, ma’am” when addressed by their mother, and I am sure there were other rules. My friend eventually grew up to spite her mother, and did some reckless things.
On facebook I see people write all too often that they need to bring back corporal punishment in schools so these kids will learn respect. Men and women.
Go to the South where it is all very normal to think this way. Their religion even reinforces it. Not all southerners, not all religious sects, but I am saying enough of an overall belief that scaring your kids with the fear of physical harm is used to teach respect.
I hate that BS on Facebook. When I point out that it’s their children or grandchildren that they are insisting have no respect, and when I ask what they did wrong…then of course it’s never their kids. I guess they sufficiently beat the shit out of their kids so they’re all respectful like.
I find it’s mostly men who start that chant.
The problem with corporal punishment is human nature. We can’t trust people not to be monsters anymore, maybe we never could.
@Jleslie Yes, southern and midwest mama’s do not play, not the ones I knew. They’re all Betty Crocker and PTA until you disobey, then boom. Ha!
Here is the thing, for centuries military men have been told they must respect the enemy. That is meant as having a proper understanding of the training and vigilance of said enemy.
The offshoot of this is generations of half baked brains who misunderstand, and transfer that to mean respect equivocates fear.
It has been passed down from long ago, and will be tough to eradicate.
@KNOWITALL I’d say it’s more Bible Belt. The Catholics used to believe in beating their children, but they mostly walked away from that in the last 50 years, but a lot of the evangelicals still hold on to it.
Religion and the military (just to pick up on @Patty_Melt) require blind obedience. Christianity more than Judaism. The Catholics have “evolved” a little to accept curiosity as a good thing. Respect your elders, respect chain of command, respect your parents, or there will be harsh punishment. Whooping, 50 push-ups, 5 miles, etc.
There’s that quiz floating around regarding children and obedience. I’ll see if I can find it. It came out again when Trump became president.
Keep in mind, physical harm isn’t the only way to instill fear.
@JLeslie Yes, spare the rod and spoil the child (Proverbs 13:24). It’s not supposed to be abusive or a ‘beating’ though.
I’m skeptical anything Tyreek and his babies mama do have anything to do with religion however. More likely bad tempers and huge ego’s, along with youthful inexperience.
@KNOWITALL I think it comes from generations of corporal punishment, probably originally justified in religion. Kind of like I never drink milk with dinner, but I’m not kosher.
When I watched the clip it seemed to me the parents felt the kids need to be controlled for their own good. They need to know how to act, because they are black and vulnerable. That’s how it sounded to me anyway. I can understand that type of justification, but people take it too far.
@JLeslie I’m sure to Tyreek, he’s toughening the boy up. A lot of men are a little too rough with kids, especially boys.
My Marine uncles used to toss me around like a rag doll, but they had zero bad intentions. Mom stopped that quick.
We actually broke ties with a family who’s father was a pastor who went overboard with the ‘corrections’. My mom saw and tried to talk to them about it, as a Christian, but they wouldn’t hear it. Very sad.
@KNOWITALL I wasn’t thinking toughen them up, but maybe that too. I was thinking in terms of obedience. Don’t act up, don’t talk back, act in a dignified way, etc. More about acceptance and not getting put in jail or killed to justify their physical punishment.
@JLeslie Sure, I’m very glad I was taught to respect authority. It’s served me well in life.
I was taught it without being hit though. Respecting authority is usually a trust thing. You trust authority has your best interest at heart, but some black peoples don’t feel that trust, and so there is a breakdown. As a girl, even I was taught to not be totally trusting of authority figures. I was taught they can use their power to harm you, and they will be the ones believed. I was taught to trust women more than anything. Trust and respect are closely intertwined.
In fact, the new advice given to parents is to tell children if they get separated from their parents, go to a woman for help.
@JLeslie Interesting, I would go to cop or military before any regular person on the street. I trust women less than men, generally-speaking.
It used to be go to someone in a uniform, but some experts agree that go to a woman is better advise. Men in powerful armed positions are made up of two types of people, men who truly want to help the public and are teddy bears at heart, and men who like to have power, guns, drive fast, control others, and boss people around. Unfortunately, there are more in the latter group than one would hope, although I am not saying they are the majority by any means.
@JLeslie Yep, I like both of those personalities, so I’ll stick with men. haha!
I tell my daughter if she is in trouble, go to a cop.
I remember those days. If a cop is not around, go to a woman who has children. Never go to a man for help.
And if you are not white, do not go to a pig, either. There is a good chance he will kill you.
@ragingloli So disrespectful to LEO’s! There are bad ones, but there’s a lot more good ones.
There are many good ones. Here, in town, in the last days of school the schools haveall kinds of stuff going on outside. The cops stop and hang out with the school kids on those days. I think most of the kids have a good relationship with most of the cops.
One officer Love excluded.
There are a good number of bad ones, a massive number of ones that cover it up and look the other way, and the very, very few that actually do something against it, get threatened and bullied out of the force, sometimes even setup to get killed (like Serpico).
There are a handful of good cops, maybe, but I have neither the time, nor the inclination to find the proverbial needle in a haystack.
@ragingloli I have many LEO friends and even family, so I guess my perspective is different.
Like @KNOWITALL, I’ve known some pretty cool LEOs. I’ve also interacted with my share of pricks who you could tell wanted the badge because they were picked on and wanted to bully people back.
@gorillapaws One of my friends is a ‘hotdog’ and no one will hire him, because it’s so easy to see. His ‘eagerness’ to shoot is a detriment.
There are bad employees, in EVERY field. You just notice them more, in different jobs.
IMO. The American workforce, is crap. I would have never gotten away, with what many do on the clock now…
Yeah. You sure notice bad doctors more than bad Walmart employees.
I’m not disagreeing, that there are “bad” LEOs. I’ve worked with many. And I fired them…
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