What to do about my boyfriend?

When a couple reaches the point where “we don’t talk anymore,” then that is the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Relationships end, shortly after communication ends.

September 1, 2008, 12:06 AM EDT

we talk just not about us.. usally the kids are around and it is something like the bills what do we do for entertaiment…what are you cooking ,,, for a while we talked about getting married but that has stopped after our big fight about my son.

Have you considered couples counseling? It’s not a magic cure, but it might help – and it sounds as if your relationship may need it.

Saying cruel or inappropriate things to children is definitely a bad sign.

i have talked to him about us speaking with out Rabbi but he did not seem interested at all.

also when we first got together he acted like he didnt know much about anything now he acts like i dont know what im talking about. is this just part of what happens in a relationship over time. or am i just killing myself for staying here

That’s distressing. If he doesn’t think your relationship is important enough to go through counseling, and he doesn’t take you seriously or treat you with respect any more…than frankly, I think you’re lucky that you’re seeing this after only 10 & 1/2 months. Because he doesn’t seem like long-term material.

And no, this isn’t what happens in a healthy relationship after less than a year. Or ever. Relationships do change, but this doesn’t sound like an acceptable change to me! And making you doubt yourself and feel that you’re not intelligent is classic abuser behavior. So is being mean to your children. I’m not saying run out and leave him this minute, but I think you’d be very wise to push this counseling issue, and be careful not to let time slide. It’s easy to let things go and then suddenly realize that you’ve been miserable for years, and half your life is gone!

Whoops, it’s late – I need to get some sleep. I’ll come back to this tomorrow.

thank you peterm you seem to have helpful words and experiance

If he isn’t putting forth as much effort (or almost) as you are then he is not worth it. You have a child yourself, you don’t need another one. 10 1/2 months may seem long… But sometimes it isn’t and peoples true colors can show. If he isn’t putting forth effort, you deserve so much better.

You’re lucky that these signs are apparent in such a short amount of time, and that you’re not married. Seems to me like you already know what needs to be done here-and realize that you don’t need anyone’s validation or approval but your own. Chalk it up to a bad experience, but a valuable lesson learned. Never apologize for protecting the security and well-being of your children-they deserve only the very best in all things-especially a role model and parent. Everything you feel about maintaining that should be an indication for how you move forward.

Best of luck and do seek the support of those who can offer personal and spiritual guidance-they’ll help you to see that you need only depend on your heart and yourself to provide a safe and happy home for your family.

well this is the last time i will leave a message for a while. my boyfriend got up about 12.30 and started in on me. he then proceeded to make my son clean his room. he spanked him and after that grabbed him by his arm and yanked him down and then drug him through the hallway hitting his knee on the cornner of a door leaving a bruse. thank you all for your advise and we are now going to my mothers to leave him. i asked him after screaming at the top of my lungs for him to stop if he felt sorry or realized he was wrong and he told me no and then told me to get the h_ll out. So thanks again to all who gave me the advise and bless you.

Best of luck to you, I’m proud of you for being so strong and leaving.

@nascarchick: Our thoughts and well-wishes are with you and your son; the support of immediate family will bring you strength in this time of need; if we can be of support, we’re here for you. I admire you for your courage under tough circumstances.