Asking for a friend (really): What would you say to a well meaning but meddling co-worker?

I’d tell them to fuck off (using whatever language appropriate for the office). sounds like your friend needs to speak with their superior and inform the co-worker to tend to their own work.

I would give that person a long intense look, then say, “Who rattled your cage?” or “Who asked you?”

“When we want your advice, we’ll rattle your chain and you can bark” sounds like a good thing to say.

If she’s spoken to the co-worker and it hasn’t helped, I would suggesr as Darth has, that she speak to a superior about it. Especially as she has been there much longer, her concerns should carry some weight.

In these situations, I find it best, to sit down with the supervisor, and the person who you’re having a problem with…

Say what’s on your mind, and let them defend themselves, with the boss being the mediator…

But. It can’t be allowed to fester…

Your friend needs something which will cause the other woman to choose a change in her own behavior. (For cats you use a squirt bottle)
Simply saying a comment back only displays her own frustration. Instead, she should make an off hand, unrelated remark which leaves the other woman as being the one in discomfort.
Examples:
It’s a bit chilly out for what you’re wearing today, isn’t it?

I thought of wearing plaid today too. I’m glad now I didn’t.

Have you considered extensions for those patches where your hair is growing thin?

Such comments puts an uncomfortable focus on the other woman.

It should be done in a friendly tone, and only in response to the other woman’s offenses.

I stopped a co-worker years back with just one. I turned as though startled someone was there. My focus went directly from her face to her beltline. I said, “Oh! I’m sorry, or are you happy? Does the father plan to marry you?” Everyone held their breath. She declared that she was not pregnant, and walked out. She never spoke to me again, friendly or otherwise. With that comment I pretended concern, and indicated that either she was pregnant, or getting fat. She had nowhere to go.
When people like that have the focus suddenly turned on them, they cannot function. Eventually she will stop the scrutiny by keeping her mouth shut.

As far as popping in if doors are not closed, she should not ignore those moments, but redirect, again, such as, “You seem to have a pimple starting” with a tap to the side of her own nose, sort of the way you hint to someone they have food on the corner of their mouth.

I’d offer to take her to lunch, then once there, give her examples of things she says that annoys me, and ask her to stop.
If she continues to do it, I would honestly just never speak to her again and continue doing my job as if she doesn’t exist. You’re there to do a job, not make friends.

@KNOWITALL In a two person office, it would be pretty awkward if you weren’t speaking to them at all and would probably have an effect on how your job performance was perceived. I could see that being possible in a larger office perhaps.

Show the first draft of the eulogy you wrote for him.

@janbb It’s worked for me, as she was seen as the ‘talker’ and I was the ‘head down, productive’ worker. You may be surprised.

My personal favorite is “butt out until it becomes any of your business.”

I worked with a guy that just loved to tell other “When I want your opinion, I’ll tell you what it is.”

Please don’t ask again; I’m not going to talk to you about this.

@Patty_Melt Wow! I love your answer! So creative and insightful! Reading that made me laugh, but in the moment I’m sure it wouldn’t be.

For this particular instance,
I would probably just say
I don’t mind doing it.

The younger employee is trying to upstage the older one.
Isn’t this an example of harassment?
I would say that your friend has a legitimate case on her hands.
Report all the goings on to her superior.

I attended meeting where anything someone stated that was a brilliant solution to the problem discussed was immediately “upstage” by another in the meeting to look as if “she” stated it.

She was eventually met with an awkward silence of frustration and ostracized after repeat talks with her wouldn’t change her behavior.

I feel sorry for her as she was a new resident and wanted to fit in , however her way of fitting in was too abrasive and controlling.

Apparently in the past all the groups that she attended had the same problems with her behavior.

She used to be in control most of her life and thus felt that she could just carry on as such..wrong!