Why is there such a thing as a school forcing 11 yr olds to say yes to all dance requests?

I don’t mean that it’s just about 11 year olds by the way.

My junior High tried it once. I chose the teacher. It was a slow dance. I liked it.

When I was a kid, in school and at Summer Camp, boys or girls got to choose partners, and the chosen ones were not permitted to refuse. I don’t think it was a problem, but it should be.

Forcing someone to dance with a partner defeats the purpose of the social experience.

Not sure what to do with the kid who,m no one asks.

I would’ve always been the kid nobody asked. LOL if I had to choose bullying or being ignored I’d have chosen ignore every time!

It seems as though there are two different versions of the story. I always hate it when somebody takes to social media when they have a problem with how things are going with the school. It always turns it into a drama fest instead of giving people a chance to work in the interest of the children.

I guess there should be a distinction between a dance class and a social dance.

In a class, or during instruction, some choice should be allowed, but it is more understandable that the instructor might require some students dance with unchosen and even unwanted partners.

At a dance that is a social event, yes, children and teenagers should work this out and if need be, accept rejection. No one should be forced to dance with someone they don’t want, because it is a form of social activity.

I basically agree with @Yellowdog. I guess it gets tricky when dance is taught in PE class, where kids don’t really sign up for dance class, but rather the kids have to participate for a grade and they might have no inclination for dance at all. In my day we learned some square dancing and similar in gym class and we were paired up, but some changing of partners happens through the dancing. That would be a more tricky situation if a child didn’t like their partner, or was uncomfortable dancing with a partner.

In this case, I wouldn’t have danced at all if my only option was ‘yes’. To me, that’s teaching girls, once again, their opinions do not count. Great way to regress in the name of progress, so someone’s wittle feeling’s aren’t hurt.

@KNOWITALL -My thoughts exactly.

We’re talking about dancing, not penetrating each other…

When I was in middle school, my PE teacher made me dance with a girl in my class with down syndrome. My friends teased me a bit (not in front of her) and I was embarrassed. Looking back, I’m very glad he made me dance with her. That was an important step in my journey of becoming an adult.

^^ people should still be able to deny a dance.

@gorillapaws Does it have to get to the level of genocide before it’s called killing?

@JLeslie There are 2 posts from @Yellowdog, the first one says no forcing any time anywhere.

That is true. No one should be forced to dance with anyone, even in a class.

But in a class, the frequent assigning (if necessary) and changing of partners in folk, social, and square dancing should make it less personal, People should still have the option of sitting out and being tested (on tests) in an alternate way, such as a written test. Sometimes, you do have to dance a little with someone you find repulsive. At least show some compassion and kindness, unless the person is perceived to be a threat to you.

In a school dance that is not a class but a celebratory or social event, all persons should have the right to say no. That’s kinda part of what a dance is. You can get rejected, It may even hurt a little but its part of being a kid / teenager.

@Yellowdog Why does that have to only apply to kids? And why does a school be involved in dance social or not?

@flo “Does it have to get to the level of genocide before it’s called killing?”

I’m not following. Were you somehow addressing my story about dancing with a special needs girl?

@gorillapaws I was addressing your first statement.

@flo So learning to dance is equivalent to genocide? Maybe square dancing/ballroom dancing/swing dancing etc. are different where you live, but is it really that different from other activities a kid might do in PE class? These are 11-year-old kids…

I don’t think they’re teaching them to bump, grind and twerk in PE…

@gorillapaws You thought your first statement couldn’t have been the one my response (genocide) was about.
Your last statement in your last post “I don’t think they’re teaching them to bump…” is not different from your first statement in your post before last.

Middle School kids are the sort that like school dances as social events because they are too young to date / drive.

Because it’s physical activity, and better than doing jumpin jacks and push-ops, its taught in Physical Education. The main problem with Jumping Jacks is, the metal jacks are a little hard on the soles of the feet, and the gym floors. So we opt for dance.

@Yellowdog ”...better than doing jumpin jacks and push-ops, its taught in Physical Education.” but it’s not better just easier to do, correct? And it has nothing to do with with
forcing people no matter their age to do something they don’t want to do, or not forcing them.

Dance may be part of Physical Ed curriculum and you may have to dance, occasionally, with someone who is a little gross or disgusting. If there are serious reservations about dancing with someone, you can refuse.

In a social event, no one can dance with anyone unless they consent. That’s the way a dance works.

@Yellowdog No one should have to dance just exercise whichever other kind of exercise they prefer. And I guess you believe the article is fake news, re. your “you can refuse.” since this OP is just about a school that says no you can’t refuse.

“That is true. No one should be forced to dance with anyone, even in a class.”

When I was in elementary school we did square dancing and polkas. To perform the dances we had to concentrate so hard on all the steps and movements and things, that nobody had time to worry much about, “Ew! He’s touching me!”

So there’s that.

In junior high I recall a few weeks of ballroom dancing that my mother signed me up for. The class was taught after school was out for the day, or on Saturday. The class was small, our teacher was eagle eyed, and she put up with no nonsense! I believe she picked the partners according to height. Under those circumstances I think co-Ed dance class is fine.

As I think about it, the guys were also taught how to politely cut in and ask another partner to dance. I think it was a combination of appropriate social etiquette and dance steps. As long as the teacher is right there monitoring everything, it would be fine.

@snowberry But how about no one should decide to force anyone to dance with anyone? How about that it ‘s mandatory? How can dance be mandatory? Even if it’s not mandatory still, no forcing.

@flo in my elementary school it was compulsory and you didn’t have a choice. It worked out fine.

in square dancing and in polkas the dancers trade out. You dance with who is in front of you until it’s time to switch and then you dance with the next person. I doubt it’s changed. There are no options.

And like I said the dance was so busy that there was no time for any kind of harassment.

Again, there needs to be a differentiation between a social dace as a school activity, and a class.

The article @flo mentions is a school social activity. In which case, anyone should have the right to turn anyone else down. Its okay to say no, and its okay to be rejected.

The rule says no refusing to dance when asked at that school. That what the whole arricle is about.

There’s a huge difference between slow dancing and polka or square dance.

I am not a fan of public schools or school in general. I was bullied all through school, and many of my most painful memories are from school.
But school itself is a social setting! (That’s why so many people hate homeschooling, Because it’s perceived to be a situation where a child grows up to be “unsocialized”, but that’s another discussion.)

There were times in school when I was forced to sit next to somebody I did not like. There were times when I was forced to do a project long term with somebody I did not like. They were even times when I had to share a book with somebody who smelled bad. I was never allowed to decline, even politely. This kind of thing still happens today in schools all over the world. Up until now at least, forced consent to participate in these social activities at school has never been considered to contribute to “rape culture”.

There’s a huge difference between a polka or a square dance and a slow dance. There’s also a huge difference between a child dancing for a few minutes with somebody they do not like in a supervised setting at school and consenting to rape. If you fail to understand that I’m sorry.



When I was in 6th grade we went to camp as part of our school curriculum and on the last day there was a dance. The boys only wanted to slow dance. The teachers tried to stop it, but then let it happen. I wished they had stopped it. If the adults had stepped in the kids who were uncomfortable would not have been put in that peer pressure situation.

The silver lining was as a young adult I didn’t do that anymore. My friends thought I was mean turning men down at the nightclubs, but I’m not going to let some stranger guy press up against me. No thank you. Ask me to fast dance and I’ll dance, if your first move is a slow dance, move onto another girl.

I’m with you, @JLeslie Looks like that was poorly handled, but you came away having learned a valuable lesson. I’ll bet you were spared some grief by following that rule!

Teachers always have to make judgment calls. In the heat of the moment sometimes there are mistakes, and looking back on it, they wish they had done differently. I’m certain that was the case with your teachers and with the situation we were discussing earlier.

What I hate about this situation that @flo posted is they have a dance for 11 year old children- a tad young for that.

And the fact that the girl’s mother just had to post it on social media, which turned something potentially minor into a major event in that kid’s life, and made the process of educating the children in that school even more difficult than it needed to be. This way everybody has to pay, but nobody really wins.

It all smells of drama.

@snowberry There is no excuse for forcing anyone to do something they don’t want to do, in the name of it’s not the worst thing that could have happened. I have already addressed that with @gorillapaws here:
https://www.fluther.com/219741/why-is-there-such-a-thing-as-a-school-forcing-11/#quip3628630
(Permalink)

…. @Yellowdog same response (my last post) to your post.

@JLeslie Thank you.

I totally agree about not “forcing anyone to do something they don’t want to do,” but if it were actually true, II should have been allowed to withdraw myself from school so I wouldn’t have been forced to do all these things with people I didn’t like. It absolutely sucked, and just like many children even today, I was not given a choice.

And, don’t make girls kiss and hug their older relatives. Especially, the male relatives.

@snowberry So the discussion in this thread includes science projects for example, that involves working with others, etc? Is that what you understood I meant by “something”?

@JLeslie Of course. It bleeds into other areas of life if the authorities in school say you should do what you don’t feel right about. Imagine if it’s both the parents say “You have to o hug your… ” and the school saying “You have to go dance with him/her” Where would they learn about saying no to doing fun related things/ (whether it involves touching body parts or not) with someone you don’t want to for whatever reason.

Flo, do you understand that School Is A Social Setting?