Would you feel uncomfortable if your boss called you “hun” and rubbed your shoulders?

I sure would, and I think your boss should concede to Bernie. ;-)

Umm, He’ll Yeah I would feel uncomfortable! I believe everyone is entitled to their own personal space, I say go with your gut on this one, and chances are that your not the only one that feels that way, you should.let him know that he can refer to you by your name out of professionalism.

I think some people, are just ignorant of boundaries. They may even think, they are being comforting.

However.

There are obviously others, who are being inappropriate.

In either case. Take the person aside, and tell them (as best you can, ) that their behavior makes you feel uncomfortable. Their response should dictate, how to go from there.

If it comes to it, go over their heads. Talk to their boss, or HR…

Personally, I wouldn’t object to being called hun. I think it’s just a mannerism if he does it to everyone, like a diner waitress. But I would not want to be touched. Obviously, if they both bother you, you have a right to tell him but if I were you, I would start by just saying privately that you really don’t like being touched in the workplace and would appreciate him respecting that.

I would not want to be touched by any colleague unless we were good friends outside of work. I think I could be okay with the “hun”, especially if he’s an older guy.

If you’re looking for advice, you could try becoming tense when he touches you and even shrugging him off. Sometimes obvious nonverbal signals send a more believable message than words could.

I would be extremely uncomfortable with that, but I don’t like anyone in my personal space or calling me pet names, let alone someone in a position of “authority” over me. That’s not to say it’s necessarily malicious, as @MrGrimm888 said, I think a lot of people are just oblivious to personal boundaries. But, even so, there’s no reason you can’t say “I don’t feel comfortable with this.”

I would be uncomfortable with the touching, probably not with the “hun”. The close talking would make me nuts.
It is a difficult position for you to be in, as asking him to have some awareness of it might cause him to start viewing you as a nuisance employee, and therefore expendable.
This is very awkward for you, I am sorry.

If you feel uncomfortable, by either being called hun, being touched by him, the close talking (I don’t totally understand this, by the way), or all of these, then you are in full right to tell that person that you are indeed not comfortable with it.
It can seem to be a bit awkward to put in action, but if you don’t it’ll only grow (your nuisance).
So put on your gutsy shoes and tell them.

I did this with a colleague.
He was grabbing me at the shoulder and rub/pet me.
I said to please stop doing that as I’m not at all comfortable being touched by any person other than a select group of people.
His excuse that he was half Italian (...) I answered with the statement that I was not, and even if I were I would still have told him to stop it.

When I was a waiter, I had a man who became furious with me. It was an older man, sitting with two older females.
I gave my typical first interaction, “hey guys, welcome to ”-” how can I help you? ”

The man at the table ,became instantly furious. He said “these ain’t guys, they are ladies.”
I apologized immediately, and took their initial order. I was very busy, and had a lot of tables. When I returned with their salads, I fucked up, and said “here you go guys, I’ll be back.”
The man again became aggressive, and started insulting me, and asking for a manager. At this point, over my way of talking, he wanted to physically engage me. I explained the situation, to my manager. A female. She explained to me, that she had had several complaints, because she referred to people as “honey.”

It was never an attempt to be inappropriate. It was just, how she was raised. It was a vernacular…
But. Some people, found it offensive.

There was no touching involved. Some people, just took it as an insult…

It depends on the people, who you are dealing with. Sometimes.

In that instance, I got a waitress, to handle that table. There were no further problems with them…

I think all women can distinguish between a good touch and a bad touch. If I felt creep out by it I would definitely say something. In general I don’t like being touched, and most people I have worked with tend to suss that out themselves.

It’s me so yeah, that would be signs of narcissism lol

Very much so. I don’t even like it when a waitress calls me “Hon.”

Thank you for your thoughts and advice.

Creepy. No touching the merchandise. I’d probably say ‘no thanks Weinstein’ and walk off.

I could handle “Hon” but I don’t like the touchy feely thing.
I’m sure I’d recoil at that and would make it more obvious (telling him) if he didn’t get the idea.
My dog’s vet was a close talker and by that I mean backed into a corner close talker.
When that first happened, I was surprised and found it very funny as I was warned about him by a friend. I started laughing in his face.
He finally stopped talking.
The next appointment for the dog, I sent my husband who sadly,did not have the same experience.

I’ve been honeyed and had my shoulders rubbed and thought nothing of it. I worked for a few years in an office of men. I was the only female.. They were like brothers really. I’m still friends with them all today. I was so young and shy, they broke me by sneaking up behind me and kissing the top of my head. It would startle me and they got such a kick out of it. How many times did I even consider complaining, or better yet, filing a lawsuit. Zero.

As I’ve gotten older, and as I’ve seen more an more female doctors, I have noticed that when I go to a male doctor, they no longer seem to feel the need to put their hands on me, in the guise of “checking up,” as they used to. For example, I had no idea they could listen to my heartbeat through my clothes. I thought the stethoscope always had to be under the breast. Sigh. It’s more annoying than anything, to me.
And yes. I would be very uncomfortable.
If a guy came up behind them and rubbed their shoulders and called him “Hun,” they see the sexual overtones and harassment in a blinding heart beat.

Maybe it’s too bad more men aren’t exposed to women bosses with lecherous attitudes.

Try to make yourself as valuable employee as possible.

Do let him know that his behavior makes you uncomfortable.

You might want to start documenting this NOW. Every time, every incident. Such documentation is admissible in court, and is valuable as evidence, should he choose to retaliate.

As I think about it, you were probably given an employee handbook or directed to the company website that details what is and is not acceptable in workplace behavior. Print off the part that applies to this situation and carry it with you. It might come in handy.

It is inappropriate and reeks of predatory behavior of grooming a person for more overt advances.

It is extremely important to let the person “know right away” of your displeasure of his advances and the term used .

It is disrespectful and a put down to demoralize and keep under there thumb attitude.

When I worked for the Government that was “one” very important fact..to “let the other

person know right away” and to document the incident in case it occurs again.

If it happens again “after” he was told the first time, then there is enough to claim a harassment case.

Maybe long ago in the 1930’s/40’s it was accepted , but not in the present.

Yes. Documentation, is VERY important.

It would give me the creeps from my head down to my toes.

When I hear stuff like this I have to wonder…would he do that to a male coworker?

I don;t think you need get all het up about a sexual harassment case unless he persists. It sounds to me like a guy who just hasn’t gotten the memo yet. So give it to him in a friendly way and then see what happens.

@janbb I love when people use ‘het up’. :)

^^ I aim to please!

I agree @janbb. He calls all the guys buddy so I think he’s just a friendly guy who hasn’t gotten the memo. I probably have 10 years on him. I doubt he’s 40 years old.

Being a rape survivor the closeness makes me uncomfortable and I’ve just never liked pet names. It irks me when people use ma’am, but that’s my issue I need to deal with on my own.

@Jonsblond Rape survivor here, hate touching, especially by strangers. I startle fairly easily, too. Much easier for me to be around nature and animals than people, decades later.

Maybe if you explained that to him (or even attack rather than explain a rape), he’d see where you’re coming from and not take offense?

The people in my office love to make me jump and squeal, but they don’t understand it comes from a place of pain.

I was working at a large venue once. The event was so big, that boss was there.
He grabbed a female bartender, by lower back. She very loudly said “don’t fucking touch me!”

Hundreds of people must have heard her.

Later. She explained to me that he had “stalked” her, and her daughter.

Her message, was loud, and clear. Had he touched her again, I would have disarmed him, and thrown him out. I knew that it was a poor choice, for my career. But. I would have just faced the music, in court…
When I was boucing, I’d kick anyone out. I threw a few of my own men out, over the years.
My boss knew that I saw the event. I gave him a look.

My men were loyal to me, not our boss. I told them to let me know if he crossed the line again. My boss left, soon after.
Boss, or not, he knew that I would take action on him. We were all armed. But. He knew, he’d have to kill me, if it came down to us locking horns. We never really spoke about it. But. He never showed up at one of my venues again.

My point is that, there are people who will defend a woman who is in distress.
Make it obvious. If need be. But. Make it known.

In my experience, most men who engage in sexual assault, are cowards. They go after unprotected females. But. They typically lose their feeling of superiority, around a person who could hurt them.

Documentation, is important. But. Making a violation clear, to those around you can have a great effect.

I think they’re more likely to come to a woman’s aid these days than they were when I was coming through that tangled mess.

^I can’t speak for your time, and troubles. But. If you make a situation public, at least others know about it. And, it might make the harassing person rethink their own decisions…

@MrGrimm It’s harder at your workplace. Very awkward especially if they’re higher up. We aren’t fully empowered because we can suffer unofficial repercussions. Like staff reprisals or frozen out of your peer groups at work. Or they suddenly find things to get rid of you. Been there done that, too, unfortunately.
Hopefully this guy will never do it again and case closed.

^You can hope in one hand, and shit in the other. See which hand fills up, faster.
It takes action, to make things move…

@MrGrimm You know me, I called the sob out. But I paid a price, too.

There’s always a price to pay. Regardless of the situation.

But. You need to roll the dice.

Yeah, I would. Hun might be a figure of speech to some especially if he calls the rest hun. But rubbing your shoulders is a bit too much.