What are some toilet paper alternatives?

Well it might not be so nice, and would suggest an air tight garbage bin but you could use clean rags either trash them after or run them through the wash and reuse them, if you choose to reuse I say wash them on their own.

The dog!

A NO fiber diet!

Elvis only used 10 rolls in the last decade of his life.

Bidet

Actually I’ve already thought this through. I have plenty of old towels which I will cut up and hem around the edges. It will be a hard and fast rule that nobody flushes them (Ouch! Costly plumber bills!) but they will go into a diaper pail of sorts and they will be washed as needed.

Shit, I’ll use a new towel. I just need to wipe my ass!

Amazon sells make-shift bidets you can install between the seat and bowl. I installed one at my old apartment and it worked great.

I would install one here if it wouldn’t require putting a hole in a cabinet to run hot water to it. And it takes about three minutes for my sink to get hot water from the hot water heater in this house. In my old apartment the water heater was just on the other side of the wall.

One of my friends suggested coffee filters. He did it in college.

Newspapers. wait, do they still make those?

^I get weekly ads for grocery stores.

Walk over to the shower and take a shower, washing the poop down the drain without using any paper or towels.

In days of old
When knights were bold
And paper not invented
They’d wipe their arse
On blades of grass
With that they were contented

^I’m in Wisconsin and the snow just melted but we have no grass yet.

GA for the poetry. :)

Be careful with your vote Jon.

I may descend from plagiarised doggerel to limerick and clerihew.

You could hire staff for that.

Buy tissues in the stores if they have any.

When I was little, we lived with my grandparents on their farm & they didn’t have indoor plumbing yet. Our options were the Sears roebuck catalog, the JC Penney catalog, a bucket of corn cobs, & the Sunday newspaper. I NEVER tried the corn cobs (for obvious reasons) mainly because my dad said those were for the “real men”. The catalogs & newspapers weren’t very pleasant either. I think I’d op for cutting up some towels or buy some cheap bath cloths giving them a daily wash. Obviously, I wouldn’t wash them with my clothes…washing them separate from my regular laundry…using bleach & hot water.

Although not as convenient, I also like the idea of showering when needed!!!

Brillo pads

News paper works good if you ruff it up.

They used to use corn cobs. Just sayin’

^ouch

Have you ever felt a corn cob after the dried corn has been removed? Soft as a feather!
You could also use (but don’t flush):
Pages from the Sears-Roebuck catalog
Pages from old phone books
Paper towels
Your left hand
Your dirty skivvies
Your significant other’s skivvies

Learned about this the other day.

@lucillelucillelucille Make sure it’s the kind with Oxi Clean :p

Aluminium foil!
Be worth the discomfort for that instant face lift.

Washable fabrics
Cheap paper towels
Leaves
Corn husks
Facial tissue
Newspaper

@ragingloli “You could hire staff for that.”

With Rager by my side and in arrears,our propinquity would ensure that I always felt well groomed.

Naturally, we wouldn’t need to come out of the closet together, a simple screen would suffice as long as it was in the vicinity of the dinner table.

Wet wipes, instead of dry toilet paper. Unless you consider it the same thing. However I know those are not always good on out septic and sewer systems.

Okay, I laughed at this when i first answered. I’m not laughing as much anymore. I went to three places trying to find toilet paper today and found none. I was truly shocked. I was just hoping to get a regular supply (thankfully I still have some left in the house). People are insane.

Uh big time even up here @anniereborn there is a huge run on the stuff it’s plain strange.

Since Corona is a respiratory disease and not a gastrointestinal one, it could be that these panicked hoarders are planning to use TP, as a less expensive substitute for respiratory discharge tissues.

However, there could be some fools out there who haven’t contemplated the difference between the respiratory and GI systems. Perhaps these buffoons get diarrhea every time they get a cold. ;-)

@Brian1946 No, they are hoarding in case of the apocalypse.

^ That was my issue as well. I only needed a normal supply. Luckily I was able to find some.

I was at Whole Foods about 1½ hours ago, and they were out of TP.

I thought I had 8 rolls left (I live alone), but I forgot about a 4-pack, that’s been sitting in a grocery bag for about 20 years! :-)

I saw a funny meme tonight. A basket full of unmatched socks in the bathroom.

@anniereborn I just ordered some from officedepot.com. It will be delivered (for free) on Monday. They also had paper towels. I was buying office supplies and checked just for the heck. I was surprised but now I have plenty of paper products.

@Sagacious Thank you. It’s scary to see how the majority of TP is “out of stock” on there.

@Sagacious Smart thinking. There are many stores like that that people don’t consider. Ace Hardware is another option.

You don’t have to like Joe Rogan. I’ve never even heard of him before. But his guest, Michael Osterholm, is highly credentialed (listed on the video page) and shoots straight….and that is not for the faint of heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3URhJx0NSw

Everyone, you can get toilet paper and many other items (anything and everything) on Costco.com and you don’t have to be a member to purchase most of what’s on there. Just a helpful hint. The shipping is usually free. Items from the site are a bit more then they are in the store (which is why shipping is usually free). They had bulk toilet paper as of yesterday, about 26 dollars for like 30 rolls. Charmin, I think it was.

Napkins! Why did I not think of napkins??

Man, plumbers are going to have a field day after all of this.

(Don’t flush the napkins either.)

@raum You win the thread. :D

:P

Ran into this today and I thought I might add it to your list. He says it is meant as a joke but I found that many of his ideas have been used in the past. Maybe they’re not the perfect thing to use, but better than nothing when nothing is what you have