Do you know any sugar babies?

“To me that means you are trading your body or your time/ attention to someone in return for money and/or gifts.”
Then we are all “sugar babies”.

To me the fact that she is doing this with about five men doesn’t sound like a “sugar baby” – it sounds like a prostitute. Personally, I have never known one and would probably be uncomfortable if I did. What would I do is so speculative I can’t really say. I would say if it is making you really uncomfortable not to talk to her about it, then you should.but do realize it may well risk losing the friendship. Another factor to consider is that you heard this from her twin sister and it may jeopardize their relationship if she realizes that’s how you learned of it.

Not sure if this is very helpful to you. Good luck with it!

If you get bought and paid for with one man, it’s called marriage. (often with a trophy wife)

If you get bought and paid for with multiple men, it’s suddenly bad. Like a paid escort.

It doesn’t bother me that she is a capitalist, leveraging her assets to earn more money for herself. That’s the American way. If you have a product, you sell it and make as much as you can. Think General Motors or Ford.

It’s the religious hypocrisy which is the most alarming. What does Christianity mean any more?

@janbb “To me the fact that she is doing this with about five men doesn’t sound like a “sugar baby” – it sounds like a prostitute”

My first thought as well.

To me, her twin describes more of a con artist than prostitute as I don’t believe there is a physical relationship with these older men. She said these men find her sister attractive and single, and are basically trying to entice her into a permanent relationship.

Here’s one story: An 80 year old man wants her to spend time with him and he’s very well off and lonely. She talks to him on the phone often but lately has been not answering as she is not interested in a relationship. She told him that her phone broke and that’s why she hasn’t answered his calls as she didn’t have the money to replace it. He shows up at her house the next morning with a new activated phone and three hundred dollars to help her out without her asking for it.

She does not have a job, this is her income and she’s apparently doing quite well.

@elbanditoroso She’s rationalizing it as ‘dating’ and these are gifts from admirers. I don’t believe she sees anything wrong with what she’s doing, morally.

Thinking about it more, I don’t think you talking to her will change her behavior. She’s happy with what she’s doing. Your only decision, as I see it, is whether you want to continue a friendship with her. If not, you can certainly tell her why; just don’t expect it will change her.

Then she doesn’t see anything wrong with lying either. When you start telling lies, it eventually affects everything in your life. As her children grow up, they will notice too, and it will not end well.

There was an old man who used to come around where I worked to see my boss. He fancied himself a comedian.
He once said there was only one business where someone could sell their entire inventory, and still have it to sell again. He considered it genius enterprise. It seems more like rental to me.

What your “friend” is doing is just the same, in that opinions will always vary depending on who you ask.

I would hazard a guess that these men know more than you think. It is easier to not think about if you fool yourself.

Ask yourself this, do you have any friends who don’t do something you disapprove of? Are you singling out just this one, or are all your other friends pristine?

@Patty_Melt “Ask yourself this, do you have any friends who don’t do something you disapprove of? Are you singling out just this one, or are all your other friends pristine?”

This is what I needed to hear. She’s not asking my opinion or approval. My only job is to love her through it and hope she makes better choices. You’re right.

And honestly, one of them just bought her a new car, so the likelihood of her changing is little to none, unless something happens. Thanks for the reminder Patty.

If you value your friendship & she does too, then there is no reason to change that.
Nobody’s perfect right?
An awkward conversation is on the cards, but break the tension by asking her if It’s sore yet :D

I’d move on without her. I don’t associate myself with people like that. Kinda cold I know.

Your friend’s twin sister told you this but has your friend (the sugar baby) acknowledged it?

I’m wondering if the twin sister might be mistaken or exaggerating.

What other consenting adults do in the bedroom and with their money is none of my business. As long as it is her choice, I don’t have a problem with it. Underwater welders have an extremely dangerous job that puts their bodies and lives on the line to earn a buck. How is that different?

In the words of the good book: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

I know many of you aren’t in any way religious, and that’s cool, but we are supposed to help each other stay on the good path.

On the other hand, her sister should be the one saying something since she knows the facts and is religious herself.

@jca2 Nah, the twin I live by is honest to a fault, her word is gold. Plus her sister gave her $100 of the ‘con money’ to show off she is loaded. That’s kind of what started the conversation to me about the whole thing. The husband of the twin by me is disgusted by the whole thing and wanting his wife to distance herself from the ‘bad’ twin.

You aren’t obligated to know this person no matter what the reason but if she should ask why, I’d tell her.

@KNOWITALL: What I may try to think about to guide my decision (if I were you) is, are people being harmed by this and my second thought would be, is what she is doing illegal?

If the men are enjoying her company, like the 80 year old who is lonely and is thinking that she likes him and she is good company, and he is willing to throw her a phone or some money, is it harming me?

If she was selling drugs and families are being ruined by their spending or there is of course potential for people to OD, and it’s illegal so just being with her means I am associating with a criminal, then I wouldn’t be her friend. If she is doing illegal things and there cops are going to come frisk her and by my association with her, I’d be taken down to the station house or the community will feel that I may be selling drugs too, by my association, then I wouldn’t do it.

If she is committing adultery and that is what’s bothering you, then I could see the logic and let that help you make your decision. If the men are married and the wives may find out, and it’s going to cause pain and break up families, then I could see the logic of not wanting to hang out with her.

If it’s just that the old guys are lonely and willing to pay for her companionship, then I would think long and hard about losing a friend over just that.

No.
But I realize the risks involved as it will soon develop into possession.

If her twin is identical, then there is a problem in case of mistaken identity and something happens, where she could end up harmed?

Saw a documentary on it once and it showed the risks of getting involved.

Most men were over age 40 years and were married.

Most would have the sugar baby come to there place, no witnesses etc
Not a good idea in regards to safety that’s for sure.

Also imagine later if she should want to marry someone and this “past” comes up to haunt the relationship.

These are risks that I am sure sugar babies think that they can handle until they actually encounter the results of easy money.

A lot of these sugar babies have problems in relationships later.

@Inspired That’s definately part of it. I know her well enough to know her history as well as her heart.

We“ve had conversations about her waiting on a Godly man to be her mate and father. I feel like she’s settling out of frustration and greed. If she hadnt been thru so much already, I wouldnt be so concerned.

I don’t know any personally at this time, no, but I also wouldn’t care much if I did. One, it’s none of my business, and two it depends on the individual. A lot of those relationships are mutually beneficial which is why they exist in the first place. I don’t like to be friends with manipulative people who take advantage of others, so i would look at her overall character, not her source of income. Trust me, most of the guys who participate in those arrangements are not innocent victims. The whole dynamic is often toxic, but usually mutual.

@ANef_is_Enuf Yeah, see you get it. She’s been through so much toxicity already, I hate to see her jumping in with both feet again.

@KNOWITALL definitely has the potential to be a sad situation. But, hopefully things will work out for your friend or she will learn something about herself and what she’s willing to tolerate.

@ANef_is_Enuf Now that she’s got so many, she’s ditching the 80 year old and too chicken to tell him to his face. And he knows where she lives.
She’s already almost been killed by her ex husband, beat to a bloody pulp, and has kids in the home. I just don’t get it but I guess it’s her life.

Why not start with a heart to heart conversation? If she is a close friend then it is appropriate to know what she is doing. Just breach the subject and discuss it non-judgmentally.

@LostInParadise Like someone above said, I’m not sure I’m even supposed to know about it, since her sister told me. I certainly don’t want to damage that trust, as her sister is such a good person and was only expressing concern to me, since I know them both and what the other has been through already.

As long as she keeps this from the kids, I say why not? Go for it. It’s her business, no one elses.

’.... and has kids in the home. I just don’t get it but I guess it’s her life..”

Her life as well as her children’s safety .

If not for herself then she should consider her children’s safety?

It won’t be long before child services gets involved.

We really don’t have enough information. Is she bringing these guys into her home?

@KNOWITALL , Check with her sister to see if it is okay to talk to her about it. Her sister would not have to say that she told you. She could ask if that would be okay.

If she is not ashamed of what she is doing then there should be no reason why you, as a close friend, should not know. Better to have it out in the open than have it simmer inside of you.

@Inspired_2write @Dutchess Yes, they are around the kids in the home. And yes, if you knew her ex husband, she should be worried about exposing the children as he’s been trying to get custody of her oldest for quite some time.

@LostInParadise If she knew I knew, she would be ashamed just at that, let alone me talking to her. I may try to start a conversation online and see what happens.

@KNOWITALL: Having multiple boyfriends is not a reason to involve Children’s Services and definitely not enough to remove a child from the home. Even if the mother was an actual prostitute, that in itself does not warrant removing the children from the home. If the children are getting molested by the boyfriends, then yes, of course. If the boyfriends are slapping the mother around in front of the kids, even then, the mother would be given a chance or multiple chances.

@jca2 You only know the part of the story I’m sharing, but thanks.

what @jca2 said. It’s almost impossible to get kids removed from the home. When I had the day care, one of my kid’s mom had a boy friend in jail.
Then he got out of jail and moved in with them.
Almost immediately the child regressed. She was having bathroom accidents (she was 6.) She was crying all the time over nothing.
Then I met the boyfriend. OMG. He absolutely terrified me. He was a huge, hulking brute. You could see the emptiness in his head reflected in his eyes. The only thing his face and eyes showed was sexual excitement as he looked me up and down, almost literally drooling.

I.
Was.
Terrified.

Now that animal knew where I lived and that I lived alone. I almost started a rumor I had AIDS…..that’s how frightened I was of him.

Anyway, after putting all of it together I called CPS.
They did nothing.

@Dutchess_III how long ago?

Oh this would be 1989 or so. Long ago.

@Dutchess Yikes! Glad you’re ok.

@KNOWITALL, with the added information that these men are interacting with her kids, the situation is different.
Find some gentle way to suggest she is exposing her kids to too much information, and risk.

I have a cousin who tells me I’m her idol. She is fifty something, uses drugs and booze and men.
She claims to have patterned her life after me, which is so not true.
It finally dawned on me that she probably has said the same thing to many people, and that she is trying to play me the very same way she plays men.
It makes me wonder if your friend is doing the same to you.

@Patty_Melt Not going to lie, I’ve thought the same thing.

You know me well enough for me to say I don’t catch the best vibes from her, never have, so I’ve kept her at arms length on a face to face basis.

But her friend isn’t the one who told her. Her friend’s sister did. @KNOWITALL isn’t even supposed to know, I don’t think.

@Dutchess_III Right. And she probably isn’t going to tell me, because last time we talked she assured me she was living right and waiting for a really good man. Soooo yeah, I don’t think she’ll admit anything to me, let alone about money or multiples.

I just worry about her kids.

Oh and BTW. Those “older men” are allowing them selves to be “ripped off.” They are throughly enjoying being ripped off.

@Dutchess_III Yeah, I’m sure they are. Easy marks for young pretty girls with good endowments and plenty of street smarts.

I worry about her and the kids, too. The backstory is horrible for all of them, they don’t need more trauma.

Well, people like that tend to invite trauma into their lives. I don’t know why.

But, to answer your question, I do know a Sugar Baby. I don’t think she’s quite as wanton as your acquaintance is, she only “uses” one man at a time, for specific functions, but I figure if it works for her, what business is it of mine? And she also seems to invite trauma into her life.

@Dutchess Yeah not much we can do. I think it was the 80 year old showing up at her house that tripped my trigger. Seems like the elderly should be protected not exploited, plus two little boys in all this. Sigh. Letting it go.

Ok, that’s just gross!

@Dutchess_III I know, she has some real issues but maybe they do too, to accept that treatment.

Who is “they?” The guys? They’re getting laid. They’re happy.

@Dutchess_III wow, if that isn’t an insulting a simplistic view of men.

“They’re getting laid so they’re happy ?????”

What a horrible view of the world.

Well, that’s what they go there for!

@all I don’t know that she’s having intimate relations with anyone for a fact.

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time in history! Some women are wildly successful at it.