Have I made the right choice?

Not sure what you are asking. There is not much point dwelling on what might have been.

Has your father ever apologized for what he did? Would you be willing to accept his apology? Would you be able to discuss this with him? Having a frank discussion about what happened might help provide closure and allow you to move on with your life.

Hi @BBawlight ! I remember you. It sounds like you are still doubting your actions from way back when. I can’t answer how things would have been different if you would have followed through. I think you need to talk to a therapist to help you talk through your doubts and fears. If you can’t afford one, there are those that charge on a sliding scale based on your salary.
By the way, in case you didn’t know, Augustlan has passed away. I’m so glad she was able to help you. She was just that kind of caring, loving person.

Since the abusive side of the family dynamics did become better, I don’t think you made the wrong choice. It’s impossible to know how much different your life might have been IF things had been handled different. At this point, it is what it is so don’t second guess yourself!!!

My way of dealing with choices that I’ve made is to tell myself that I made the best decision for me at the time & I do my best to NOT second guess or doubt that it was correct. Hind sight is always clearer. There have been a few decisions in my life that I might not have done the same knowing what I know now. At the same time, it was still the best decision for me at that time!!!

You are accepting the blame for your parent’s sexual relationship. Had you had your dad removed from the situation, their sex life would have been nonexistent. Married couples go through hot & cold cycles in their sexual relationship, so you might have NOTHING to do with how they deal with each other as it might have been exactly the same IF you had chosen a different path. When it comes to life, NOT everything is your fault!!!

Oh yes, WELCOME BACK to Fluther!!!

My thoughts are that maybe you can go to therapy with your dad, or maybe without your dad, just on your own. You can sort out your feelings with the therapist.

I understand why you made the choice to protect the family even though it seemed to you to be letting your father off the hook. From what you have written, by first telling authorities about his assault and your father’s actions being exposed you had accomplished an important step in healing. However, witnessing the pain your family experienced afterward seems to have instilled guilt in you.

There is no way one can know or even imagine the outcome of a path not chosen. But one thing is known. What you feel now is what you would have felt had you taken the other path, shame, guilt, anger, grief, confusion… The emotional scar tissue will always remain. When something reminds you of that time, you will re-experience these feelings. When this happens, imagine yourself holding yourself in your arms and reassuring yourself that they are not true. You are guilty of nothing. Your anger is justified as is the grief over the changes his actions caused and you should forgive yourself for doubting yourself.

I trust that as you approach independence your life has brought friendship and love, and a sense of purpose and hope. You are a special person whose experiences have given you an understanding few achieve. It will enable you to be of help to others who suffer from the cruelties they experienced early in life. I say this because I believe I have gained a measure of wisdom from my personal sufferings and having witnessed the suffering of those I have loved.

Yes, because it stopped your father from possibly abusing another in the family or not.
I hope that you had moved away from him when you got older to go on your own?
He should feel guilt not you!

Thank you all for the welcome back messages and for taking my question seriously.

@chyna Auggie was and amazing person and really went out of her way to help me and guide me all those years ago. It’s so unfortunate to hear about her passing.

I appreciate everyone’s honest responses and I do want to talk about this situation with him in the future. I have for a long time now, but I have been afraid.

@LadyMarissa I agree that everything was clearer in hindsight. And considering all of the responses here I do trust that I made I made the best decision for myself.

My dad feels immensely remorseful about what he did and I feel like he is a completely different man than he was before. I want to rekindle our father daughter relationship, but I’m not sure how. I want to tell him that I forgive him, but I’m afraid. I guess I just have to keep trusting in myself that I can make the decision that is right for me, regardless of what other people may want to say about the path I’ve chosen in the past.

Can you tell us more about what you mean by, “I understand why he did what he did to me”?