Have I fully atoned for my cavalier view on school?

I’m less concerned with your cavalier attitude towards school than I am with the fact that you frequently make comments laced with anti-education and anti-teacher sentiments. You get to choose for yourself whether or not to value your own personal education. But it’s rather strange to simultaneously recognize that your own attitude sunk your academic prospects and to blame your teachers for how your schooling turned out.

@SavoirFaire You are right I should stop referencing my school as a prison, and I being a freedom fighter. I was a jackass in school. I will ask my worker for help next appointment. I don’t want to be the next Bart Simpson with no future.

I should stop being so tongue-in-cheek In my other questions and answers.

It is like calling ones spouse as a ball and chain and wondering why one was later divorced.

I’m not sure what you have to atone for. In this case you and you alone have to live with the consequences of your actions.

@Darth_Algar Ok thanks. I confessed to a mental health professional before Covid19, and he said that I am pretty mild when compared to what he sees on a daily basis.

@SavoirFaire I regret not quiting special education classes in grade 5. I just walked back to my class and went back to my desk. No questions where asked.
The first day of special education we practiced twirling in one spot. I asked my new teacher to teach me calculus. She said no.
My life would be better if I got help sooner.
Also I would have a daily nap in a class of 3 students and a juice box. Twirling was fun.

I don’t feel you owe US an apology, and frankly don’t understand why you bother. I am much more concerned over the plethora of lofty ambitions you have paraded before us distinguishing your tenure here. There seems to be a new goal or project daily and frequently they are so outsized that I once feared for your wellbeing in the face of grueling disappointment. But I came to understand that this isn’t the case at all. You have dreams, and they’re always positive, and they all aim at your self betterment. You’re an optimist, but you’ll live to dance on my grave after I die with a scowl on my face.

@RedDeerGuy1 I’m of the frame of mind that if it has been 20 years and you are still beating yourself up, you need to stop. It is in the past. Let it go. Forgive yourself. Move on. If you recognize you were bad as a kid, address those things that made you an ass and stop doing them. It is long past time to be the person you want to be. Identify those traits of people you respect and work on them. If you happen to see someone you particularly wronged when you were younger, take a moment to apologize to them…not to get their forgiveness, but as a sign you are mature and are acknowledging your past sins and are releasing them.

Dwelling on the past and either blaming yourself or blaming everyone else is not going to get you anywhere. Let go of the past and concentrate on the future. Academics does not appear to be your strong suit, so work on something else. You need to develop a plan of action for what you want to do with your life, and then follow through with it. Your therapist might be able to help you with this. Stop the daydreaming and DO SOMETHING!

@RedDeerGuy1 You just need to make peace with yourself. If you have not changed by this age you are not going to. The window for a typical college then career path has closed. You’re middle aged now so you need to look past that. Trade school may still be ok provided you do something that is in such demand that people would be willing to hire someone in their 40’s with no work experience. That’s not necessarily what you should to though. What you should do depends on your needs, happiness and your capabilities. Since your basic needs are being taken care of without much/any effort on your part you lack the motivation to change anything. You’ve settled. It’s long past time to own that.

What you can do is not always again what you should do. What makes you happy? I don’t care how mundane or unimpressive it may be. Be honest, really, be honest. Think of a few things and report back. If you can do that we’ll certainly help by making suggestions.

I think I speak for all of Fluther that we are all tired of entertaining your fantasies. You have been saying things and doing nothing about them for over a decade now. For the love of God do something while there is still a little time left before you are elderly.