Is romantic love an illusion?

It’s not an illusion in the first 6 months of a relationship.

I mean in a long term relationship ;-)

Not in my experience.

I have been with Mrs Squeeky for over thirty years and wouldn’t want anyone else, and as arthritis takes more ahold of my knees our physical romance has slowed down, but we get by,for our marriage we work through anything, only 2 items could ever end it, adultry, or abuse EVERYTHING else can be worked through.

Can you still drive @SQUEEKY2?

Yeah @Dutchess_III It’s making stairs and walking tough but I can still drive.

I’ve been married for 10 years and I don’t expect my husband to “be everything”. I just need his love and support through those difficult times. I don’t need him to fix them. On a day to day basis, our relationship is nothnig like what you see in a movie. Then again, we aren’t in a movie where a writer can control everything that happens to us. In the end, though, we are happy and still in love and it’s “better” than any movie you’ve ever seen

I don’t expect him to provide me with an endless supply of whatever I need at any given moment.
We do share the same values, so that makes it very easy to get along…and we do.
I guess it shows as we’ve often heard comments about that. It’s nice but I can’t imagine being with someone I can’t stand.
I love the man that he is.
He is a thoughtful, charming, smart and very funny person and will remember little things I mention.I am the same way with him. I think he is interesting so it’s not hard to do ;)
That’s not to say we don’t disagree on things but when we do, a good fist fight takes care of any sassiness. Joke! :D We just handle it and don’t waste time with grudges.As I mentioned, we value the same things.
As for difficult times like the deaths of loved ones or illness (those are our worsts)?
We handle it as it happens. No other choice, really.
We dated for 4 years and have been married for 23.

Perhaps we could use the OPs definition of “romantic love.”

Today marks 28yrs since our first date, I should be let out on good behaviour by now :D

Love is many things, but in the end it boils down to unity, trust & being bloody good mates.
Oh & we still fancy the arse off each other :D

@ucme -28 years is very good for a “starter husband” XD
How long did you date before marrying?

It is real, but it gets lost in among all the other types of love, both real and imagined.

“Romantic love” is different from “the common ideal of romantic love”.

Romantic love can be great. The ideas about the ideal forms of it, tend to become problems.

I recommend the book which covers this topic directly How To Be An Adult In Relationships.

@lucillelucillelucille Haha I know right, you think she’d have moved on by now :D
She calls me her “other half” I am forced inclined to call her my “better half”
We dated for around 2 years long enough for me to establish her mental state XD

@ucme-Did you put her through specific tests to see?
I still test mine to see where he’s at. Horn honking gets instant results.

@lucillelucillelucille Well…true story
I bared my bum & wiggled the peachy article in her face one time when she was doing her hair.
She burnt one of my stray cheeks with her hair straighteners, I still bear a small scar.
I must have broken some record or other for the highest standing jump or highest pitch scream.
She laughs at this still.
Oh & she passed that test lol

@ucme – Hahaha! Did you ever try that again?

@lucillelucillelucille Definitely not, she is brutal lol
She snores like a startled hog, I give her a gentle nudge & she turns into a sleeping ninja.
Limbs everywhere, I’ve accepted the snoring now as there’s no risk of injury at least.

@ucme -Love does involve compromise, after all.

I think Romantic Love exists and is not an illusion. What IS an illusion is that it is enough to make everything all right forever and forever. For a long term relationship, so many other things come into play that LOVE takes on other deeper aspects. There are always things that life throws at us that challenge our views of relationships. Financial issues, personal habits, etc all put strains on relationships. The feeling of romantic love needs to be worked at. It isn’t so much a task or some labor, it is an awareness that you are with someone that you are ga-ga about and then taking some time to show it. But you have a hard time being romantic when your SO is in pain or sick, when there is stress because of finances, when the kids are putting demands on your time, when work is adding stress. At that point LOVE becomes about knowing your SO has your back. It is about showing support for the one you love even if that support isn’t “romantic”.

Mature romantic love is not an illusion. It takes mutual respect; understanding and acceptance; trust; freedom to be an individual or be separated for a time; kindness to each other at all times (especially in bad situations).