Can a woman happily date a younger man when she's in her 40s?

I had a good friend who dated younger men when she was in her late thirties and into her forties. She thought the sex was better and appreciated their energy.

I don’t think it is as rare as people might believe, that in reality many women date younger men, they just don;t make a big deal out of it.

In my 50s. Happily? Yes. The man was 9 years younger than I.

Thanks guys x

When I met my future wife over 26 years ago, she was 51 and I was 47.

We’ve now been happily married for over 18 years.

I met my husband when I was 36 and he was 27. We got married when I was 40. We have been together for 15 years now. I understand what you mean about feeling older. But, after awhile things even out a bit more. Also….no way would i have gotten pregnant at 44. It gives me hives thinking about it :p

Did you have children @anniereborn

@tan253 No we didn’t

I don’t see the age difference as that big a deal unless it ruins things for you. The child issue is a bigger one. I can’t imagine you would want a pregnancy. let alone a baby, at your age. I think you have to have that talk if you are getting serious.

My in-laws and two good friends were/are 10 years apart. Married happily for 50 and 15 years respectively.

I don’t think 9 years is objectively a big deal. Now, if it bothers you too much personally, that’s a horse of a different color.

My hub and I married when he was 24 and I was 32. I had one child, and we had another after 5 years. We celebrate 45 year anniversary this year.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the age difference. And apparently he doesn’t see you the way you see yourself because he’s with you and discussing kids. That may be the drawback though. You two need to discuss that before you move forward. My ex was 6 years younger and he never once mentioned the age difference.

Yeah I’m actually going to discuss this with the Doctor, I’ve always wanted another child but have been single for 5 years so gave up on it once I turned 40!! Now I’m 44 .. and I can’t believe I’m considering it again, though reading up on it, it seems highly unlikely I’d naturally conceive. Fun trying though! (!!!!)

The week before I turned 40 I had my tubes tied as I didn’t want to get pregnant after 40, but that was just my own decision. I wasn’t actively trying to get pregnant, but we didn’t try to prevent it either.
Edit to add: oops I got way off topic. Sorry.
But really, keep us updated. I love a love story!

Of course!

I don’t think the age difference is a big deal. My mother married my stepfather and she was six years older than he. My mom had my sister when she was 41, naturally conceived, and I had my daughter when I was 41, also naturally conceived.

I think a bigger issue for you is not whether or not you can have a baby, but do you really want one? I remember when my mother was pregnant with my sister, when I was 18, and there were no kids in between, I thought my mother was just nuts. Luckily it worked out and my mom was in great shape but I’m betting there was a big difference between her energy level when she had me at age 23 and had my sister at age 41.

Middle aged woman here.
I see the baby issue as being a bigger potential hurdle.
Don’t you dare think you won’t conceive at this age.
I had my surprise baby just weeks before turning forty. I know personally plenty of mommies who were older than that having one or two children more.
Here is something nobody warned me about. Nearing menopause my body and subconscious started ringing the biological clock alarm. It was like everything was in a panic that soon shop would close.
It would have been disastrous if I gave in to those monster urges, but I knew that. Knowing didn’t loosen the grip of hormones soon to be retired. It was at least as tough as puberty.
Since then I have learned I’m not the only woman to experience that. It doesn’t happen with everyone, and those who have gone through it are usually embarrassed, so little is said.

I just want you to recognize it, if that happens with you.
You should have discussions and make choices now, so if you do have that experience, you will both already know what you have chosen is right for you.

I think a smoking hot younger man is a rare find. If you have the stamina, get your man.

At 44 conception will be hit or miss and the chance of birth defects is higher. If you conceive tomorrow and all is well you will be in your 60’s when the child is 18. It’s something to be considered. I would talk with your partner about their expectations to have kids and dig deep into your own feelings with this.
As far as the younger man is concerned when ladies hit that second sexual peak in their 40’s it’s a rare time that their libido would be a proper match for a man in their early 30’s. Even when I was on my late 20’s I found women in their 40’s very attractive so don’t give that a second thought.

May I also suggest adoption as a possibility? Older couples generally do well with adopted children, and there’s oodles of kids in need of a loving home.

I have found that my body responds in ways I didn’t think was possible! Is this the 40’s peak! If so it’s great…. haha but yes babies – that’s a hard one at my age. I’d love another baby but is it safe, if even possible!

There’s no fundamental reason why an older woman can’t have a wonderful and loving relationship with a younger man. I think the “feeling old” thing is likely in your head, drilled in by marketing people trying to get you to buy this cream or that lotion.

The much bigger issue is the children thing. You shouldn’t have another child unless its something YOU want. Creating a child shouldn’t be a compromise to keep the man you love in your life. You shouldn’t do so reluctantly, but enthusiastically. And it’s totally rational for this person to want to father his own child—to see a smaller version of himself develop and grow, and to pass on his genes to survive him when he’s gone. That’s a normal and natural instinct (if not our primary instinct).

It may be the case that this is an irreconcilable difference between the two of you. As much as it hurts, it may be the best thing to walk away now despite your feelings.

@ARE_you_kidding_me said what I didn’t want to say. Birth defects and all that. I was lucky to conceive at 40 and all was well. 44 it’s very iffy.

My Mom’s BFF conceived naturally when she was 52. She had gone through menopause and thought she couldn’t get pregnant, so they had become lax with the birth control. Her first grand baby was born 2 weeks after her youngest child. She was scared to death and had commented that getting pregnant that time was the worst thing that ever happened to her. As it turned out, she and that child were closer than she was with the other 2. When she had medical issues in her 70’s, this baby was the only child to be there for her and taking care of her. The other 2 had their own lives but the youngest put Mom first.

Now, if you 2 love each other, the bags, sags, and wrinkles won’t even be considered because love is blind. Plus over the next 10 years, his tight body will begin to sag and bag as well. I hope everything turns out as wonderful as you’re seeing right now

oh wow that’s amazing, thank you SEKA! x

@SEKA: If the person went through menopause, it would be impossible to conceive.

@jca2 That’s what the doctor told her. He was also the same doctor that said she was in menopause and could no longer get pregnant. The baby she delivered proves that it wasn’t impossible

@SEKA: Then my guess would be she was not past menopause, meaning she still got her period.

@SEKA: https://www.webmd.com/menopause/qa/can-i-get-pregnant-after-menopause

@jca2 I’m not going to argue with you. I told this story the same way she told the story. It doesn’t matter to me when or how she got pregnant. She dead now so I can pretty much guarantee you that she won’t get pregnant again

I thought I’d send an update. ... Not sure that this will be seen by anyone, but we did try to have a baby – he proposed to me, we fall completely in love and then after 3 months he pulled completely back as he realised he’s not ready to be a Dad yet – full credit to him. I went to fertility Dr’s and I am above average fertility for my age, so now here I am, thinking its time to leave him, he wants me to freeze my eggs ( not at 44 it wont happen) – and i love him dearly but i think someone said that having a baby is really hard in your 40s, let alone 44 – let alone with a beautiful man who is only 35… he could have one in 10 years! 5 years!
I can’t… I’m sad as I had put it in my head that I’d have another child…. I was ready, I was getting fitter, etc etc but him pulling back has made me reevaluate who I think I am also…. the biggest hurt I’ve ever felt in life is through relationships… maybe I’ll just be single forever!! xo xoxoxoox THanks guys

@tan253 I think he put you through an awful lot with his dithering about when he wanted to have a child. He may be a beautiful man but I’m not sure he was such a prize. Still, I understand it hurts. Be gentle with yourself and your current child as you heal.

Thank you x

I thought I’d update again on this – as it’s been ages…. so it turns out the guy was gaslighting me – he tried to steal my business, wanted to put down as 50% owner on my house I brought, wanted 30% of my business I’d built by myself, then when I refused he outright left… he started being mean to my children and he got his dad to come collect him and then continued to try and overtake my business – he even started the same business as me and tried to go to all my competitors!
Honestly I couldn’t write a film about this as no one would believe it!
so there you are… thats my experience and I’ve been single ever since and happy!

I’m so sorry this happened to you! But at least he showed his true colors before he completely ruined you financially.
There is nothing wrong with being single, but don’t let this ruin any chances that you can find a partner that will fit with your life.