If we were all in a gymnasium, would you talk to others like you do here?

Premise is not correct about most comments being bad. I would love to have face to face conventions.

@YARNLADY OK, half. I would also like conventions. There’s a few I’d like to have a chat with…

Yes, I always say what I please.

I do try to be polite, even in disagreements, and not cuss or use name-calling, but I do have quite a nasty temper, I admit, so push too far and that’s on you.

(edited) Just look at that red hair, what do you think?

Not even a remotely comparable situation.

Here we are a collection of strangers, with a limited and entirely different, method of communication. No body language or facial expression, no volume intensity, tone only conveyed by italics or bolding.

No one interrupts as we formulate our posts, the ability to pre-judge by visual impression or tenor of voice or dialect can’t exist in this context.
We can vaguely formulate impressions.

Really, not comparable.

@canidmajor I don’t agree with you 100%. Maybe 76.8%. Have you seen people here that do their best to destroy others because they don’t agree with them? You have, I’m sure of it. Have you seen name calling? Yep, right again.

I’d be willing to bet a month’s salary that NONE of that would happen in person. If it did, it would only happen once.

Exactly my point, @Coolhandluke. It is simply not the same. Can you guarantee that you wouldn’t interrupt? Nobody interrupts here. And I can guarantee that a large man who would be prepared to (paraphrasing here) “Put three shots into someone’s chest” (did you take that firearm to a peaceful protest?) would induce me to walk away rather than engage, as such a person tends to carry themselves in a manner designed to intimidate. I am a small woman, I don’t go near those guys, I have learned not to.
So yeah, without all the in person cues, it is a not comparable situation.

ETA, even the change in your avatar is designed to inflame.

ETA again. Never mind.

@Coolhandluke, you could be right, and social conventions might constrain them; but I think a person who is free with rude, snarky, comments, personal attacks, and name-calling anywhere must obviously be capable of doing that. My guess would be that they wouldn’t keep a lid on it consistently even in person. Obnoxiousness would spill out at some point, and everyone would see it.

@canidmajor personally to me, and take it with a grain of salt because I’m no therapist but, you may have some anger issues if my picture inflames you in any way. I’m a Trump fan same as you might be a LA Lakers fan.

@Jeruba you have valid points. Rude online people may be more likely to be rude in person. Face to face however, with the option to get punched in that said face would certainly limit their obnoxiousness. No?

In an Internet forum like this, there is no thought of physical confrontation, no interruption, you can leave a conversation at any time, you don’t have to hear people’s voices or wait for them to stop talking, you can get in as many words as you want without having to wait for people to stop talking, you’re not forcing anyone to stop and spend their time listening to you when you type something here, they’re not a member of your actual physical community who may gossip or undermine you, the social norm is to discuss things at length in text (and in person it is generally not the social norm to have long conversations about sensitive subjects with strangers who disagree with you) etc etc.

So there are quite a few things that create openings for more interaction online. Quite a few reasons exist in in-person situations to not stand around arguing with people who disagree with you about sensitive subjects.

Oh, also, words said in person to a stranger about some disagreement generally get lost in the wind, barely if at all considered or remembered by others. Online, the whole community and people lurking and browsing years later may read what you wrote. So from one point of view, it’s a reason to voice your thoughts that doesn’t exist when it’s only some dude talking to you at the gym.

@Coolhandluke, no, not if they’re counting on other people to respect the courtesies that they themselves are flouting. I would never punch someone in the face. It’s a trait I’ve noted among transgressive people: that they rely on others’ unwillingness to behave as rudely or confrontationally as they do.

@Coolhandluke So what I’m hearing is that it’s okay to be nasty here because no one has to worry about anyone punching them in the face.

In person, they would be more polite or not engage.

Is that what you meant by asking this question?

OK, @Coolhandluke, I think we’ve been talking across each other, here. I say it’s not comparable because with this medium, the Internet, we have developed a whole new type of communication that simply has no bearing on face to face interaction, in ways I explained above.
I would not be in a situation where I would be discussing hot-button issues with a room full of strangers, so the point would be moot.

And were you trying to make your point by suggesting that I have anger issues because I commented on the change of your avatar, which, unless you are impossibly naïve (which I don’t believe), you know is a hot-button image on this rather liberal site? Would you be comfortable making that assessment to my face?

You would hear the same stuff from me in person as you read here. I’m a big believer in consistency of self.

I’m pretty consistent, but the premise is confusing. Here, we are able to have discussions without emotional “irregularities” getting in the way. My experience has been that there are certain people who don’t have the ability to defend their positions and therefore feel threatened and could possibly lash out physically. I have very little opportunity to have real-life discussions with Trump supporters, and I likely would be scared to, to be honest. Unless they’re rich and happy that they’re getting showered with gifts by Trump, we’re dealing with some emotionally underdeveloped racists and authoritarians with right-wing ideology flooding their veins and making them dangerous. This question does nothing but confirm my fear.

That said, I’m fairly straight-forward, and wouldn’t pretend to hold a position that I don’t actually hold just to avoid getting physically abused by some white nationalist. But avoidance is relatively easy in MA*.

* There are plenty of rich people here in MA, so Republicans are easy to come across. But they don’t publicly declare their support for Trump. In fact, they usually voice their opposition to him, but couch it in a need for “moderation”, which they have in common with their rich Democratic friends.

@hmmmmm I feel much the same about Democrats and the extreme emotional outbursts here are case in point, as well as the physical outbursts and violence on tv in affected cities.
In my part of the country calling people racists to their face is dangerous, so you aren’t all wrong! Haha!

I skipped gym so I wouldn’t know. In class I said what ever was on my mind

I don’t think I call people names here. In real life, I would very likely not engage in a discussion about politics or many things we discuss here, at all.

@Coolhandluke “I’d be willing to bet a month’s salary that NONE of that would happen in person. If it did, it would only happen once.”

If abstruse diction is used in “name calling, throwing assumptions, IQ questioning” then any insult to one’s putative intelligence may be imperceptible.

Incomparable situations.

The way we engage on Fluther—or anywhere on the internet, for that matter—doesn’t really compare to real life.

In real life, you usually have to wade through small talk to get to the meat of things. On the Internet, for better and for worse, you just jump right in.

Yes.
I ignore the mean spirited ones and those that are lower on the emotional intelligence scale( use of swearing etc)

@Inspired_2write Same. Easier to ignore than engage, as people who can’t consider another point of view without that nonsense, are a lost cause in debate anyway and won’t ‘hear’ you.

I won’t lie and say I always take the high road, there’s a few times I’ve allowed myself the emotional luxury of rolling in the mud with them a few times, but I do try very hard not to do that unless they keep antagonizing. Turning the other cheek is not always easy.

You would not find me to be any different in real life than I am on here (to your relief or disappointment). I write the way I speak. Just with fewer typos and edits.

@KNOWITALL
Yes I understand I had infuriating sibling who until he reached age 78 years of age FINALLY realized why everyone won’t talk with him no email him just because of his short fuseand castic demeanor.

I’m pretty much the same curmudgeon in real life that I am here. There isn’t a really effective filter left on my mouth after all these years.