Would it be unusual to ask someone bluntly if they want to remain friends?

Well doing that is really odd.

Is it nothing or bang?

If you want to toss out a ultimatum you will for sure be rejected and you have nothing. You could be friends and stuff with a female. A drink and grilled cheese without any romantic interludes. Millions of people are doing it right now at this very second.

Perhaps it is time to see a mental health professional.

@johnpowell If you read the details that’s not really what he’s saying.

I like the wording of the message you suggested. I think it’s worth putting it out there so you know.

Well from your description, my guess is that she probably believes the 2 of you are friends already. The question is about whether that is enough for you. If it isn’t, you should probably tell her. It’s better to find out than to waste away pining.

I understand your desire to ask the question. Instead, I think you should give her 24 more hours and then invite her to have a cup of coffee.

I also want to get firm ideas about personal relationships. My psychologist has taught me instead to make friends with ambiguity. It is not comfortable, but it’s very realistic. People often need time. Give her a bit more time.

I think the best thing is just to be upfront. Tell her you’ve noticed that she seems a bit distant but you are not sure if its something you’ve said or done to make her feel you don’t appreciate your friendship or that makes her uncomfortable. Explain to her that you really do like your time together but you are uncertain about how to display your emotions because the outside doesn’t always match how you feel inside.

Now I would like to ask you something. I’m not sure if you are looking for a romantic relationship with this lady or are your only looking for companionship. If you feel romantic towards her then let her know you feel that way. If you are simply looking for companionship and to be with someone as a friend with no romantic feelings than let her know. If you are unsure what you want, then she may clarify that for you., if she says she is not looking for romance or companionship. Just an occasional friend then you will know. It may be that she is keeping her distance because she is involved with someone else and that person is keeping her occupied or even maybe because of Covid.

It would probably be a real boner to ask this of a woman if you were a man. (If you don’t already know, your friendship is probably going to end up on the rocks in short order.)
It would be totally weird to ask this of a same sex person.
If a woman wants to be more than just friends, she’ll let you know.

@kritiper I can understand in his case where a person may misread his cues or vise versa, so his best bet is to get it all out in the open. Personally. I think life is to short to waste your time on could’ve or should’ve. This way rockfan and this woman can either proceed to the next step or move on. After 2 dates with a guy I use to ask them what were their intentions, and I would lay all the cards on the table. I use to tell them I wanted to know if I was wasting my time if I liked them and wanted a deeper relationship. It was easier to break up with them before any real feelings developed.
My brothers used to say I was a pimp because I was cold-blooded and could turn my feelings on and off and move on. I had hurt feelings sometimes even when I broke up with them, but I knew I was young and maybe someday I will find the right guy and crying about something that wasn’t going to work out does nothing for tomorrow.

Trust your gut and drop it. You tried. If she doesn’t, it’s not even friendship. If it would benefit you somehow to hear her reasons, by all means be blunt if you must.

To me, if she’s not responding to your text, or initiating a text to say hello, then she is not that into you. I know it may be difficult but I would hold off and let her make the next contact. If she doesn’t, you know where you stand.

@Pandora Sorry, but that doesn’t jive with my experience and extensive study regarding women. They are in control of the romantic situation, not men. Women pick men, not the other way around.

If it seemed that the relationship was not moving in the direction you would like, it might behoove you to stop calling on this person. If she calls back and wonders why she hasn’t heard from you, spell it out and see what she says. Afterwards, again, don’t call her back. Ever. If she calls you back, then see what she has to say about any relationship possibilities.

As someone who is naturally blunt about pretty much everything, I can tell you not all people respond well to it. Most people do not like to feel they are being confronted, and for some reason being blunt about something comes across to a lot of people like that. It puts people on the defensive.

The more people get to know me, the more they appreciate my being blunt about things. It saves a lot trouble and nonsense most of the time. If you choose the blunt approach, just know that she may be put off. Take heart, there are people out there who will not have a problem with that aspect of your personality.

Just wing it, play it by ear. Sounds to me like you’re more in need of a romantic fling than just a friend.