Is she right that it's better to have a partner?

All I can talk about is myself. I am proud and happy to be single and living my own life after a long marriage. I have many single friends. The notion that one “should” be married to have status does seem very outdated in this age.

Maybe your friend is just saying that to defend her getting married. Hopefully she really loved her husband when she decided to marry him. It does sound crazy to say she got married because society expected it, even without loving him. There are so many fish in the sea, if her goal was to get married, there are so many to choose from.

I’ve never been married and I’m in my 50’s. I don’t think of any stigma at all. Married people are still the majority but there is a growing minority of people who have never been married or are unmarried at present.

Your happiness should not depend on what other people think.

Sounds like she married for the wrong reasons. But then we’re not privy to their personal life. Maybe there really is something between them.

Everything about this scenario reeks of other people’s opinions instead of genuine happiness. Who cares if people like him or think he’s ugly? Who cares if people think it’s weird that she’s single? I know that people do, but that is the problem. It doesn’t matter what other people think (about any of those things.)

In my opinion is it better to be with anyone you can get rather than alone? Hell no.

I find her spoken reason for getting married to be very shallow. Maybe he treats her like a queen and she loves the attention with which he lavishes on her. There is a saying that love is blind and it became a saying because when you truly love someone, you see past the looks and see their inner beauty. Where is it written that a very attractive person is required to fall in love with a very attractive partner? I would go for the inner beauty over outward beauty any day of the week. And maybe she said what she said because she thought that it was none of your business why she chose to marry him and dropped something stupid on you to get you to shut up. I see it as her life and her business. You don’t have to live with him,so I don’t understand why it bothers you so much

I would rather be by myself than be in a relationship that was not mutually satisfying. I do not *need a partner.

I have not been single long enough to have an opinion, other than I like having a partner.
But, really, other peoples’ relationship is none of my business unless there is abuse.

I was married once and have now been single for many years and like it that way. I’ve dated a lot and now have had a boyfriend for 8 years. Both of us are happy with our relationship, but see no reason to marry nor do we see any stigma in not getting married. I find it sad for both of them if she did marry him just for the reason that she believes others will find it weird she’s stayed single for so long. We should never let the silly perceptions others may have dictate how we live our lives.

I think there is a lot of value in finding a partner. You look out for each other, comfort each other, take care of each other, provide companionship, emotional support, financial support, etc. That only makes sense if it’s a good match. I don’t know these people, and I have no idea which, if any, of those benefits they receive from their marriage.

I think women desire companionship more than men. But with men it’s more of a need for sexual contact, and possibility of sexual contact.
Myself, as a male, I have accepted the fact that I am happier being single. It is difficult to desire women but not have that contact, but it is a choice I felt I must make, and I did so.
I think a woman can make that same choice, depending on the happiness she gets out of it.

I should have added that, at least in my opinion, men seek out women primarily for sex and women seek out men primarily for security. Companionship is always a factor, but not so much as a prerequisite for either group.

Much better to be single and happy then married to the wrong partner.

So many questions in one!

“Is she right that it’s better to have a partner?”
– Depends on the partner, the person, the relationship, and other details.

“She said people will look at her funny and think something is wrong with her if she stays single too long. HUH?? Even today??”
– Not in general, I would not say that at all, no.
– But who are “people”? Different people are different, and say different things. Acting like there is one “people” that say the same thing is usually inaccurate. Sometimes people care about what some specific people say (e.g. certain family and friends) and may be right about what those people say. Often, people have ideas about what “people will say” that are illusions of their own minds, but which they nonetheless do such things to try to appease what they anticipate the reactions will be, even when they are wrong. I’ve certainly done this, too much.

“Does anyone on here honestly believe that it looks better to have a spouse than to have no one?”
– Er, not I. It depends, as in my first answer above.

“Wouldn’t anyone think “Is that all she could get”?”
– You have proved that “anyone” would, by thinking it yourself.

“Or would some people think “at least she was able to get someone”?”
– Yes, some people would think that too.
– Are you trying to poll Fluther to try to reinforce your sense of accuracy about there being one “more common” answer to this?
– If you just want a data point, I would tend to say that good and healthy relationships are desirable for many but not all people, and that certainly the social standard of wishing everyone (especially women) to be married has diminished massively over the decades, but it’s still there for many people to some degree.

“I know this sounds nuts but it doesn’t even sound to me like she loves this guy.”
– I understand and for myself would agree, but love isn’t always what everyone wants/needs in a marriage.

“He is gross and she is attractive.”
– Attractiveness and non-grossness are also not requirements for everyone, and of course, what’s attractive or gross is different for different people.

“But she thinks she would look “strange” if she stayed single. I think this is crazy.”
– I agree with you, in that I have very little ability to understand people using their own sense of “strange”, or what other people would find “strange”, to determine what they do with themselves, especially in love relationships and other major decisions.
– However, I notice that my own judgement of others based on that, is sort of the same kind of thing. I’m judging them as crazy because I disagree with their judging of others as strange.

” And though he’s old, he’s not rich. I could understand if he were. Or am I being shallow?”
– I would say that pretty much defines being shallow or venal, yes.

As for your question about what’s going on with her, I tend to imagine that probably her way of thinking is just very alien/opposed to the way you think about those things, and/or she has not really opened up to you about the fullness of her thoughts and feelings about it.

But to imagine a fictional character who would behave like that and not be crazy, I could conjure up:

* Not really attached to love relationships.
* Has an unromantic view of relationships and marriage.
* Finds dating and dramatic relationships to be exhausting and unwanted.
* Has had examples of bad relationships in the past.
* Sensitive to the opinions of others about her own relationship status.
* Has friends/relatives who nag her about being single.
* Has various things they don’t like to do that they’d like a partner to do.
* Not bothered by this guy’s appearance.
* Finds this person’s company to be a positive thing.
* Likes that he’s an older man who may be extremely happy to be married to her – enjoys the relationship dynamic this brings.
* Being married also provides various social status shifts.
* Being married also helps shut down certain types of romantic advances.

That’s not crazy. It’s just unromantic and resigned about love relationships.