Does asking someone to "go out" with you mean a date?
Asked by
ASC0826 (
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October 11th, 2020
My former friend/crush from years ago sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted and sent him message basically saying hello, and that I hope he’s doing well despite the insanity of 2020. He said it was nice to hear from me, and that “things are a little topsy turvy, but it’s just been working out, mind, body, and spirit lately.”
He then proceeded to say, “be nice to maybe go out sometime if you’re comfortable, be good to hear what you’re up to.”
I told him when I’m usually free, and he replied that he was working some stuff out so if not this weekend, next weekend. I said to just let me know, and he said “You got it” with the explosion emoji.
If it matters, he knows I liked him (I told him back then), but he didn’t reciprocate. So I’m not assuming anything from this beyond platonic but, it’s always been my understanding that asking somebody to “go out” suggested romantic intent. But apparently it doesn’t always have to.
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11 Answers
I would think like you that “go out” does imply more like a date and “hang out” would be more like a casual friends thing. But people can be pretty imprecise in their language so I wouldn’t pin too many expectations on this until you get a feel for what he has in mind.
Maybe yes and maybe no. I had a person I knew years before ask me to hook up. I liked her and said yeah lets meet. She tried to sell me Amway products. You never know.
He was asking about the possibility of a date. But it isn’t a date at all until it is a confirmed activity with a day, time and place.
And even then, you won’t know if it is a “date” maybe until it is over. You can tell your friends ( or your family) “I can’t that day, I have a date.” But it really isn’t for sure until you and he get together.
I guess you’ll find out when you go out with him whether it’s a date or hanging out.
Do you know that he is not in a relationship presently, @ASC0826?
@jca2 no clue. He doesn’t have his relationship status visible on his profile, but I haven’t seen any posts suggesting he’s in one either….
@ASC0826: He may be in one and not mention it, so that he’s free to do other things.
For the most part, yes. Accepting a date is not an automatic agreement to engage in sex.
Nah. I’ve taken lady friends to lunch before just for shits and grins, with no romantic ideation whatever. For my money I say go have a bite with the guy, or whatever. Might be a stress reducer for you both. Just my own two cents.
Okay, so when I first read your question my answer was “Yes”, but given the context of how it was phrased:
“be nice to maybe go out sometime if you’re comfortable, be good to hear what you’re up to.”
I would say no.
However, he could be initiating the first steps in seeing if he wants to go out with you.
If I intended to ask someone out, I would flat out say “Would you like to go out with me?” And then proceed to go into detail on where and when. It’s possible he’s curious about the prospect and wants to hang out with you and see where it goes from there. But I wouldn’t consider this a “date” per se.
I’m leaning 80/20 that it’s a date. I’d say there’s a chance it’s a friendly lunch kind-of-thing like @Nomore_lockout described, but I think it’s more likely a real date.
One red flag is that he rejected you in the past and then is asking you out now. Without knowing more, one suspicion I have is that it’s hard to date with COVID right now and he might be looking to use you as “friend with benefits” situation—but I could be totally off there, and maybe that’s what you’re looking for too. Be safe, have fun, and good luck. I hope things work out for you.
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