I was a very nervous learner, so much so that I dropped driver ed. while in school and then put it off until I was 40 and had young children.
A patient teacher was one big help. I paid a driving school for about twice as many hours as the supposedly average student takes. Instructor Paul gave me a lot of tips and watchwords that I still follow years later.
He went with me for my test (although he wasn’t in the car with me), and when I failed it, he made me go right back a week later and gave me extra coaching in between.
Another thing that helped was to really concentrate on what I was doing, especially with moves I was scared about: merging onto freeways, changing lanes. No conversation, no yelling kids, no sightseeing—just a single focus. When my kids were in the car and I said “I’m concentrating,” they shut right up because they did not want to get us killed.
I did use the radio to help occupy the part of my mind that wanders so I could keep the pertinent functions in the forefront of my awareness. That was probably a personal dynamic and not a general principle.
I’m still a nervous driver. I will go twice the distance for the sake of a simple route (measured mostly in number of turns) and frequently take a slow surface route to avoid freeways. I think my anxiety about driving helps me pay attention. I never get complacent. I also never go very far: about an hour, or an hour and a half maximum, and I’m used up.
I also have a terror of getting lost.
But I’ve never had an accident, and my only close call really and truly was the other guy, trying to merge directly into the side of my car while I held steady at the speed limit. I stepped on the gas and jumped ahead, and he honked and cursed at me.
Sometimes I have to talk out loud to myself in the car. “I can do this” comes up a lot, and also “Take your time, take your time.”. I also sometimes voice my opinions about other drivers, although without yelling or swearing or using any particular fingers, which I think only increase agitation. I’ll just quietly say, for example, “Don’t bother to signal, you dodo,” or “No reason why you shouldn’t cut in front of me right here even though I was last in line and there are a dozen cars in front of us and there’s a red light.” Things like that.
I also remind myself all the time: “I’m out here with sick people, crazy people, angry people, old people, young people, drunk people, loaded people, stupid people, people who are driving for the first time, people who are driving without a license, people who are more nervous than I am, adrenaline junkies, and people who don’t give a damn. I have to watch out for all of them.”
And I never, ever drive while intoxicated or (hardly ever) while angry.