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Dutchess_III's avatar

Do you find it annoying when people get all emotional about prayers....theirs and other people?

Asked by Dutchess_III (47126points) December 16th, 2020

My daughter is having some serious surgery tomorrow. It could be life changing.
My dad’s wife called me and sniffled and cried for 10 minutes because one of her coworkers said a beautiful prayer for my daughter. The coworker said her (little) kids have beautiful prayers. My dad’s wife burst into tears when she told me the coworker would have her kids pray for my daughter too.
Thoughts and prayers is one thing, but she just went on and on and on about the power of prayer. I just made “Uh huh” noises.
An evil side of me wanted to blurt out “Um…I’m an atheist by the way!!” That would have shocked her sensless since, as far as she knows, I’m still a practicing born again Christian. Normally someone saying they’ll pray I take it as the kind gesture it was meant to be, but she was SO over the top.

This is the same person who is convinced the the early bloom of a flower on a bush was the work of my deceased father.

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26 Answers

cookieman's avatar

Prayers aside, people like that just want to make everything about them. Her emotions, her sincerity, her level of caring. Very annoying and, frankly, un-Christian, IMHO.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

She sounds STRESSED !

Dutchess_III's avatar

She is. This whole Covid thing has her hostage. She lives in a resort town in Florida.
Actually, she pays her insurance bill in person (vs Covid-safe online, over the phone or direct debit) and it was her insurance agent offering up prayers.

KNOWITALL's avatar

In this case I have to agree with @cookieman again. One mention and it should be done unless she was trying to give you a pep talk or something.

Why don’t you tell people like that? Just curious.

Dutchess_III's avatar

She’s family. It would make her feel bad knowing she was annoying me. Some things I can tolerate for the sake of family peace.

JLeslie's avatar

Yes, it’s annoying.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Plys, IMO, she has no business broadcasting my daughter’s medical situation all over.

Caravanfan's avatar

Yeah, I don’t get it much but I usually have the same response you do. I’m polite about it but I try to move on to something else as quickly as I can.

LostInParadise's avatar

I admire your ability to just say “uh-huh”. My usual response is to say that if enough people pray maybe they can convince God to intervene. After all, isn’t that the idea behind praying? I find the whole notion of praying for some favor to be absurd.

I am an atheist, but I have no problem with people offering prayers praising God. It is an extraordinary Universe that we live in and I can understand people wanting to show their appreciation. But to pray for something makes no sense. God is presumably all knowing, all powerful and infinitely just. Why should he be answering requests from us?

Dutchess_III's avatar

O find it ridiculous too.

Pandora's avatar

I feel your question is more about Dramatic people. They are annoying whether they talk about prayer or not. I know some people who are hardly religious until something serious happens then they go overboard with the whole prayer thing to make themselves look good as if God wouldn’t know what I in their hearts already.

Now as for a truly religious person saying it repetitively they may do so if they feel awkward and not know what to say to calm your fears. Especially if they believe you really do believe in the power of prayer.
It’s hard to say which was the case. You know her personally. Was it for show? Is it because she’s awkward in difficult times? Or did she sense you needed constant reassurance?

I sometimes feel awkward when I sense someone’s extreme distress, and I may get repetitive hoping that repeating my assurances will make them feel better. (Though I don’t get weepy.)
I’m the type of person who would volunteer to go get people coffee or something to get away from everyone else. Even when I panic I panic inside myself and tell myself I’m being dramatic and stupid. So imagine how I feel about dramatic people.

So even though I believe in prayer, I cringe when I’m around people who have to drop a knee every 5 seconds. And I hate being around crying people.
I think I was meant to be a guy. Guys are so lucky. No one expects them to be good at sympathy.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well what precipitated it was my daughter sending out a group text about updates.
My dad’s wife replied “Prayers going out already!”
I replied to her (my dad’s wife) “Well I’m cooking a crockpot roast and banana bread for her.”
Then she called.
I don’t know how she could get “She needs constant reasurance” from that text would be beyond me.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@LostInParadise It’s a relationship, not just asking for things though.
Believers of many religions in many cultures offer prayers and have since time began. I remember one of my first Questions was about specific answered prayers here, it was very interesting.
Maybe it’s like the 3rd eye, and some just aren’t open to it. And thats okay, too.

chyna's avatar

I work in a catholic based hospital, but I’m not catholic. I was getting a heart cath last year and one of the nuns came in to pray over me. My first thought was “this will take forever.” It didn’t. It was quick. But then I was afraid that I was going to have a bad outcome for having mean thoughts.

cookieman's avatar

@chyna: So long as she wasn’t administering last rights.

LostInParadise's avatar

@KNOWITALL , Would you agree with this quote from the philosopher Kierkegaard:
The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Even as a practicing Christian I didn’t think prayers actually made any difference. I took comfort in them, though.
My dad’s wife has just gone bonkers with the “Praise Jesus! Thank you Jesus!”
No. Thank you doctors, surgeons and nurses.

Operation went well. She’s on morphine and sleeping. PRAISE MORPHENE!!

Pandora's avatar

@Dutchess_III I’ve always felt that prayer does make a difference. Even if the recipient isn’t the one praying. Knowing that there are people in their corner who wish them well gives them hope. A negative attitude can make any illness much worse. I’ve known people who beat almost impossible odd of beating cancer because they have a large loving support group that kept them fighting despite what the doctors predicted. And I’ve know people who were alone and had no one in their corner and they lost the fight to live early on despite the doctors thinking they should be doing better. So whether prayer has an actual direct effect or not isn’t the point. Its knowing you have love ones to fight for when things get hard. And for those who are sick and believe. Belief can give you strength when you need it most.

JLeslie's avatar

@Pandora There are studies showing this isn’t true about prayers from others changing outcomes. People with things like cancer don’t show longer survival rates because of prayer. It’s great if they feel loved and people are praying for them, they might feel psychologically better and even physically better as they get through treatments. They might handle it better, but luckily even someone very afraid they won’t make it and are obsessed that they might die, still respond to treatment in the end the same way as those who were more optimistic.

Blaming the patient’s attitude and religious level doesn’t really pan out in very scary health situations at a scientific level.

Prayer certainly can have a placebo effect, and placebo effect is real, but doesn’t work for things like stage 3 cancer. It does work for other things though. Pain, depression, and help pass time for things that would get better over time like the flu, a broken leg, etc.

The sick person praying can have effect also on things like anxiety, blood pressure, and as a coping mechanism, just like many meditation tools.

Prayer gives the sick person and the people around them a feeling of doing something to help when they otherwise feel helpless. That definitely has its benefits.

chyna's avatar

^I have to disagree with that statement. My pastor’s father was diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2010 and told he only had 6 months to live. Of course the entire church prayed for him. Often. He died this summer.
A young neighbor of mine, in his early 20’s was driving to school one day and had a dark line across his eye. Doctors determined it to be a tumor. After several doctor visits, they all agreed on the same course of treatment, to remove the eye.
His whole church had a prayer service for him the night before for many hours. They wheeled him in the next morning for his surgery, took one last X-ray, MRI, whatever, to make sure it was in the same place. The tumor was gone. They could not find it anywhere. This was 40 years ago. He still has his eyesight. I believe in the power of prayer. There may not be a way to track this statistically, but I still believe.

JLeslie's avatar

Well, my aunt was supposed to die within two weeks and we are all atheists and she lived another 5 years.

Another friend her father had very high psa test (prostate cancer) for a few years and then the test went back to normal for years. All atheists.

I have no problem with people believing prayer and praying helps. What I have a problem with is people thinking they didn’t pray hard enough or didn’t have enough people who love them and that’s why they are sick or die.

Like Katie Couric says, the cemeteries are full of people who fought hard to live and who prayed. I’m paraphrasing. Remember her husband died from colon cancer very young.

I certainly don’t want to take prayer away from anyone, I do believe it has benefits. It can’t hurt, and if it helps that’s wonderful.

Studies have mixed results, so it’s a matter of which study you want to pay attention to.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Those things would have happened in the absence of prayers.
Also, not throwing out prayers is not the same thing as a negative attitude. I sent boat loads of encouragement and best wishes to my daughter. I just never said “Halliluja and Praise Jesus!!!”

cookieman's avatar

I’m always happy for good thoughts from anyone, whether they call them prayers or something else. Do they impact the outcomes? I don’t know, but it can’t hurt.

I’m more personally comfortable with a less emphatic tone is all. More, “I prayed for you. I hope it helped” and less “I know that Jesus saved you because of my prayers and he looks out for me.”

I’m not anti-prayer, I’m anti-self-centered-certainty.

Dutchess_III's avatar

GA @Cookie. I think some people think if they are loud and make a big deal out of it they get Brownie points in heaven.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Lord. Dad’s wife called and went through the entire story of her insurance agent and her kids praying AGAIN, and it was SO POWEREFUL that she almost cried. Then she carried on about the church that one of my nieces go to…THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION PRAYS! Like she just couldn’t believe it.
Um. That’s what congregations DO.

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