Is it normal to not have everything in your life planned out?

Trying to plan everything in your life is foolish, frankly. Life rarely goes to plan and you have to be flexible and expect some disappointments.

That said, it is healthy to have some goals. How many, how big, how small, is entirely up to you and should be reflective of what’s important to you — not based on what others your age are doing or what is considered “normal”.

Whatever your goals are, try to be productive and positive every day. Even if it’s just small steps. Keep that up, and you achieve your goal at your own pace. And, again, stay flexible. Things can change.

You can’t plan everything, and life does twists and turns when you least expect it. I agree with @cookieman.

Do what you want and what feels right for you. Don’t do things just because others are. Consider that a lot of your friends who are married at age 20 are going to be divorced in five years because they weren’t mature enough.

Be your own person.

Absolutely. In fact I think it would be abnormal to think you have everyhing in your life planned. This reminds me of a saying: If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him you have a plan!

Be wary of comparing your insides to your friends’ outside. They may seem all together and moving forward, but they may have chosen a harder path.

I would find it much more normal to not have life planned out beyond a few broad generalizations (i.e., work, avoid debt, try to find a partner). But if anything can be learned from 2020 is that those plans can get easily derailed.

Not weird at all to not be thinking about marriage and kids at age 20. Ignore your friends.

Most people in college are thinking about finishing college and their careers, you are talking about people from your younger years who didn’t go that route. What is normal in that circle of friends is not normal in other circles. You just be you.

Getting married and having kids first makes getting a college degree much more difficult. Getting the degree first you will have the rest of your life for the rest. No one can ever take the degree away from you.

Look around at the world and when you see people who have the things you want in life the question is how did they achieve it. You talked about having a car and moving out. Those all sound like wanting independence. That’s a good goal. Financial independence will give you freedom and autonomy. A degree will give you more options and more chance to be able to earn a higher salary and to save money for the future.

Stay with your goals. It’s good to have goals, because it gives you things to work for and look forward to.

Most of my life has been full of “happy accidents” and some that weren’t so happy that led me on to growth and the next step. I finished college with no special career path, heard about a bookmobile job on the beach and applied for it. That year led to my decision to pursue a Master’s in Library Service and a very satisfying career. I met my husband while I was on a summer course in England and hitchhiking around with a friend. He and his friends picked us up and he and I were subsequently married for 40 years. Divorce, not of my choosing, led me to substantial growth and independence.

The short term goals you have set for now sound great and important to achieve. Pursue them and continue to have goals but realize that life will take you in various directions.

When I started going to the congregation I attend now, one of the Centering Thoughts on our program really resonated with me. i still have it on my fridge:

“We must let go of the life we had planned, so as to accept the one we have waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell

I actually really like your plan. There’s plenty to work on there. My mom is fond of reminding me that “today’s worries are sufficient for today.”

I think people that have a detailed 40-year plan are the ones being silly. There’s way too much uncertainty to have any clue what’s next beyond the immediate set of goals. There is one exception though, and that’s saving for retirement/investing. Starting now will have insane benefits later in life. Your money should grow exponentially, so the longer it has to grow, you could be talking about hundreds of thousands extra per year if you start early.

You sound like a perfectly normal 20 year old to me. Twenty seems far too young to be married and already have kids. At least fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.

Stick to your stated goals. They sound like sensible goals for a 20 year old to have. If you cave into what your peers are doing, you will probably have regrets later on in life.

You’re fine. The biggest, most important thing is to plan for retirement. Everything else in between is a “whatever.”

I’m 29 and I still don’t have it all figured out. So I wouldn’t worry at 20 (you sound more goal-oriented and self-aware than I was at that age). I grew up in an area where young marriage was uncommon but now that I’m almost 30 I am starting to know more married couples, including my older sister and my engaged brother. So of course there are times when I feel “behind”. But I’m doing what I love even if I’m not 100% sure where it will lead. It’s important to have goals in general, but it doesn’t matter if they’re more short-term.

In addition to what others have said, I would add that it is a thought trap to think of what seems typical or common as “normal”, and another trap to think that being other than typical, common, or normal, is likely negative just because.

”The biggest, most important thing is to plan for retirement.”

Gods advice! I wish I learned that one thirty years ago.

It’s not abnormal – And sometimes its actually an advantage.

Imo it’s normal and more common for people not to have everything in their lives planned. But it’s whatever works for you really.

As long as you are happy and hopefully also tempering willful pursuit of that happiness with a strong sense of responsibility being self-sufficient and not being a burden to anybody.

Different strokes for different folks.

I’ll throw my 2 cents in.
It sounds to me you are right where you should be. You might even be further ahead than most. You have a short term plan and recognize that things change. Perfect!
Imagine a person who spent a lot of time and planned everything to the tiniest detail. And then Covid came along!
Don’t feel you need to rush into anything.

I think that you have the PERFECT plan!!! I was assured by my parents that IF I wasn’t married by time I graduated high school & pregnant not long after that my life would be a failure. So, that was my plan. I married the first guy that asked me. Yes, I thought I was in me love. Only problem was that he was abusive & already had 2 children of his own & giving one wasn’t part of HIS plan!!!

After divorcing the asshole, I met a man who treated me like a queen. He NEVER hit me & he said he wanted children. All seemed right with the world & when he asked me to marry him, I felt that I was being given a second chance at my plan. 0n our honeymoon he declared “I’m glad we’re finally married…now I can be me.” He had been working very hard to hide that he was a raging alcoholic. Once we were married, he dropped his guard. He still NEVER hit me, but he did verbally go insane every so often. Then I discovered that I feared having his children because i feared our children carrying on the alcoholic gene. He drank himself to death & left me a widow. By then I was almost 40 & being told that I had a better chance of being struck by lightening than finding the love of my life.

That’s when I decided to hell with it all & I decided to live out the rest of my life alone, yet happy. IF I was going to be miserable, it would be My choice to be miserable. That’s when God laughed. At 50 I met my soulmate & we got married. Yes, I was too old to have children, but I was deliriously HAPPY!!! That’s when life decided I was too happy & he died in his sleep. i was crushed until I realized that he had left me so full of love that his not being physically here with me didn’t stop the love that I still felt for him & I could still feel the love that he had given me!!!

Now I ‘m 70 & I’m living my life as it comes. I’m working with emotionally challenged children. I have about a dozen children who I love & who love me. No, they aren’t biologically mine; but, that just means that I don’t have to support them financially…only emotionally which is what they need the most. Although I no longer have the physical body of the man that I loved, I still have ALL the love that we had shared. Surprisingly, I’m finding that to be enough to keep me happy!!! Yes, I’d prefer that he be here with me, but that’s NOT an option. Still when really lonesome, I can reach into our past & latch on to some wonderful memories.

In my younger days, I was always feeling that I was failing in my plan. Now, flying by the seat of my pants, I’m the happiest that I’ve EVER been!!! I suggest that you take each day as it comes, use your best judgment on how to get through each day. Planning works for some people & they are the ones who crow the loudest. Still, those who planned & failed turned out the happiest!!!

The only thing I ever planned in my life was not having kids.

Best to just let life happen as it unfolds. Trying to make plans in advance just sets you up for disappointments.

I’d like to add that people here have pointed out that sometimes things don’t go to plan, which is very true, but the people I know who were very goal oriented have accomplished the most of the people I know. Keep in mind that getting from point A to B is almost never a straight line. You might have detours along the path, but eventually you can steer back to it. Expect zig zags, don’t let that get you down.

I think one of the most glaring traits very successful people have is persistence. They keep moving towards their goal, even when there are set backs.

Moreover, the more prepared you are with education and experience, the more you will be ready for when the universe presents you with opportunities. Some say the definition of luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Sometimes good “luck” takes you in a direction you didn’t imagine, you get presented with an opportunity better than your goal, because you did not know the possibility even existed.

Keep learning in school and interacting with people who can guide you to shaping and achieving your goals.

What is your major?

@ thank you all. I really needed this

@JLeslie Criminal Justice

Have you ever met anyone that has their whole life planned out? They are usually weirdo assholes that are focused only on their goals. And I have never met ANYONE that actually had their plan work out as it was originally orchestrated.

I had my life planned out since I was 4. I was supposed to be a psychologist author for intelligence and personality research by 30 years old. Fluther has helped me overcome that defect, by helping me to be useful to another human being.
I tramatised myself from failing out of university with all the pressure that I put on myself to succeed.

I think 20 is too young to think about getting married, just because at 20, people are at the start of life’s journey and with huge changes ahead, it takes a lot of work for relationships to last through those changes.

I want to add my personal thought on life, which is that it’s an odyssey. It takes a meandering path, some things are planned, some things are not planned, some things are good, some are not so good, For me, events that were stressful at the time and that many might consider to be bad ended up being good for me.

My one goal was education. I think if young people can focus on that goal, many other things may fall into place.

”Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

@raum I was just about to say the same thing.

:)

If my quick Google search is trustworthy, Americans marry on average at age 28.

^^ The time I was referencing, a girl graduated high school at 18 & was expected to be married & having babies by 20. IF you weren’t married by 25, you were labeled an OLD MAID who would NEVER be married. For the guys, IF you weren’t married by 25, you “had to be” gay & were ostracized NO matter your sexual preference. Women’s lib changed all that thinking!!!

My grandmother would be in her late 90’s if she were alive today and. She did get married in her early 20’s, 22 or 23, and waited 5 years to start having children. Purposely waited. She said her mom nudged her to start trying to get pregnant.

It really depended on where you lived, education level, and family expectations. Even 90–100 years ago some women made plans not in line with the typical norms of the day. Most of the friends of my maternal grandparents married “later” and had children in mid twenties and later.

@LadyMarissa In Japan back in the late 80s and early 90s if a woman was not married by 25 she was considered “Christmas Cake”. It was an interesting expression that took me forever to understand in Japanese. Just when I thought I was understanding the language they would throw something like that at me.

I lived in the US & I really became the black sheep of the family when I became the first person in the family to get a divorce. I was the worst kind of rebel!!!