How risky is it for a vaccinated person to visit a non-vaccinated person?

Oh geez, T—, what a sad dilemma! I think I would have to go see him. Let me ask you though, are you going because you need to see him again or because you think it would help him? Sometimes, if you are clear about whose needs you’re feeding it can help in the decision. (I know this from a mistake I made years ago telling my son something he didn’t want to know.)

If your father’s wife is willing to risk you coming and she might get sick, that’s kind of on her. It’s harder in your Dad’s case because he probably can’t understand what’s going on. I think my compromise would be to go with the clear understanding that you will be masked and distanced outside but the recognition that a farewell hug might be necessary for both of you. If, as you say, he is near to dying anyway, of course you don’t want to give him Covid but it is unlikely you will. As you say, your Dad’s wife and caretaker is making the decisions and she might even be right that the side effects of the vaccine would be adverse to a already dying man.

I would go, take all the precautions I could but realize it won’t happen exactly the way you want or plan. And try to not beat myself up for whichever way it goes.

I would give you a hug right now – or at least, when we’re both vaccinated. I’m very glad that both my folks were long dead before this pandemic started.

@janbb – Thanks!

@janbb: “Let me ask you though, are you going because you need to see him again or because you think it would help him?”

Great question. I’m not sure. I definitely feel that I need to see him. But I can’t imagine rotting away in relative isolation without seeing family is doing him any good. I would have to think my visit would help him – or that he would enjoy it.

Life is way too hard.

@hello321 And you know what, it’s fine if it serves both your needs. Your need as a son to see your Dad one more time is certainly valid. I would go.

Just remembering final visits with each of my parents. My Mom was on the other coast in a memory care place and I saw her last about three months before she died. She wasn’t talking for some reason but about halfway through the visit she said, “Jan, your hair looks so good” which is something she had always noticed. And my Dad said a few times to me in his final months, “You do everything so well, Jan.” Real gifts to remember from two fairly narcissistic parents.

Go!

@janbb – What an amazing gift is right! :)

I’m definitely leaning towards going (once vaccinated).

Once vaccinated, it is possible for you to infect someone, but the viral load you carry will be much smaller. I think with all proper precautions observed, you should be OK to see him.

Now to the emotional. My heart breaks for your dilemma, but in your case I would definitely go. If his wife doesn’t want you to hug him, maybe masked, arm’s length, fully sanitized hand-holding would be acceptable contact? The tactile thing is so important.

Good luck with this, I’ll be keeping fingers crossed for your success and some sort of emotional resolution for you. <3

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/science/science-briefs/fully-vaccinated-people.html

The CDC states that fully vaccinated people are less likely to carry the virus. That’s the science.

Your personal situation is plainly tragic. I’m sorry you’re facing this dilemma.

You have the science on your side. Go see your father. Keep your mask on, and hug him.

I hear a year’s worth of anguish in your words. All the best to you and your father.

I would visit outside and stay distanced. If you want to be able to touch him I would wear a mask, clean my hands well, and hug or hold his hand briefly and then once you can be distanced again take off my mask if we are outside.

People where I live have been meeting with friends distanced outside all year and I have not heard of any cases transmitting when people stayed distanced even when they were with someone who was very likely positive and shedding virus at the time. When they are close together and touching things together there has been transmission even outside.

If your major concern is the small possibility of getting him sick you can quarantine for ten days before going to visit him if that’s a possibility for you.

I would go see him.

I think you’ll be okay to visit. The risk to you and him is relatively low. Wear a mask and give him a hug. It’s technically against the rules but that’s what I would do if I were in your position.

I have an appointment for the J&J vaccine on Thursday!

I have been refreshing the websites all day today (and at 12:30am and 3:30am) and there have been zero appointments available in MA. My aunt, however, has been refreshing sites all day as well, and happen to see catch the moment an appointment appeared, so she signed me up. It’s 45+ minutes away, but who cares – I’d travel hours if I had to.

@hello321 Wonderful! It is a terrific feeling once you’re vaccinated and fully protected two weeks afterwards!

Oh,that is good news, @hello321!

Ok, I’m obviously overthinking this. I just spent hours chasing down a Pfizer vaccine appointment to replace my J&J one. It just appears to be significantly more effective.

@hello321 You’re overthinking it. You would have been fine with the J&J one. It’s great—one and done and you have 100% decreased risk of severe disease.

^ I know. I’m really anxious to get the vaccine for purposes related to easing other peoples’ minds, and I just want to make sure I can assure people that I’m the most protected, and therefore the least risky, that I could be. Or something. I don’t know.

I spent way too much time reading the articles on differences, and the +20% increase in efficacy for Pfizer/Moderna seems significant. And every single article I could find only sold the J&J’s “pros” as logistical (easy to transport, easier to administer because it’s only one, etc).

Anyway, I’ll get stuck tomorrow and get my second Pfizer 3 weeks later.