Do you have any funny insults?

The village called; they want their idiot back.

Your breath stinks so much I am tempted to cut this phone call short. ( Not funny I know. Sorry. )

He’s about three sandwiches short of a picnic.

God, I feel bad for your parents…

Your face looks like an REI climbing wall.

You have boobs like an altar boy – but don’t get as much sex.

The only blow job you’ll get from me is a balloon animal to put on your head.

Does your mommie know you wandered out of the yard?

Your brain only holds thoughts I put in there.

You look great. Did you stop eating used diapers?

“Your mother dresses you funny.”

I think it was George Carlin that said “Marge, I’ve seen bad breath, but you could knock a buzzard off a shitwagon

^^ Similarly…

Your so ugly you could scare a bulldog off a meat truck.

Your so ugly that your mother dresses you with meat so that the dogs will play with you.

Or lady Gaga.

The lights are on in your head but nobody is home.

Albert Collins

The picture next to “Stupid” in the Dictionary looks just like you.

- The mental asylum called. They want their patient back.
– Have anyone seen a flying saucer lately? Please give it back to an alien that is currently looking for it.
– Today is the Lord’s good day, so I’m trying not to call anyone stupid lest I will be punished.
– Is that your second personality’s doing?
– Was your mom hurt much when she gave birth to you?
– Your mom should have given birth to an egg, because at least she could find an egg useful for her dishes.
– There has to be a giant genius conspiracy at play here, because no human on Earth could be that stupid.
– I tell my children to study hard, or they would grow up to be like you.
– I only argue with humans, not animals.
– And from that day on, he realized he was the town’s biggest clown.
– I feel sorry for your family.

You’re ugly.
I’m not ugly, I’m a mirror.
If that’s not funny, then I got it from a friend in high school.

When Medusa looked at you, SHE turned to stone!

I went to the post office and I saw you on a Least Wanted poster- it was put up there by your parents.

Your self-proclaimed excellence is surpassed only by your humility.

Your leopard-skin pillbox hat balances on your head, just like a mattress in a bottle of wine.
I blame Roberto Zimmerman for that one. ;-)

Your Tinder nickname is Swiped Left.

I heard you got rich by selling your body odor as a fly repellent.

Oh yeah?! Well the Jerk Store called, and they’re running out of YOU!
Is there any greater wit than the effortlessly extinguished George Costanza? ;-o

I ran you over with my car, because I didn’t have enough gas to go around you.

I discovered how the zombie hordes were defeated- they starved to death when they tried to feast on hordes of you.

Even though your breath smells like Trump’s ass, you still couldn’t get into Mara-a-Lardo!

Brian is finally done crapping a reply.

@Brian I feel like these are directed to someone you and I both know. I wonder how that person will respond to the insults :D

You’re an ignorant son of a buck snort.
My dog has better table manners than you.
And of course any poor manners, leaving doors open, etc…Were you born in a barn? (Acting like an animal.)

I don’t really do insults but these I have actually used.

Bumper sticker: So you’re a feminist…isn’t that cute.

Yeah, I’m fat, but you’re stupid and I can lose weight.

I have one that a friend said to me:

I asked my friend “Can I ask you a stupid question?”
He replied “Better than anyone!”

If you were a little smarter you’d be dumb.

I can see I’m not welcome here.
I find that flattering.
Really Fluther, I mean that.

Today my golf caddy (remote controlled battery-powered golf cart) disappeared. I looked for it in all three bunkers and the ditch on one side of the hole. We finally found it waiting for me dutifully on the next tee!

My playing partner said in a flat voice: Wow! Your golf cart is smarter than you!

If I put you in a burlap sack & shook it up I would end up with about 200 lbs of shit.