So, what's the big problem with "The Friend Zone"?

I’ve been with the same woman for 40 plus years, so I am far beyond having to worry about all that. I was just curious about what other guys think about that. As said, after responding to a post about dumping or being dumped, which I always thought was a cruel term anyway. But why even let things progress to that point? Stay in her friend zone, and no worries, right? Never could understand why some men think that’s such a horrible thing. Just a fun, off the wall question. No need for serious philosophizing.

Aren’t complaints usually from men who are very interested in a woman and have complaints about their perception of the situation’s fairness and/or honesty, and/or they’re confused and frustrated about what to do about it?

I thought the classic example was something like, they tried to approach a woman they are romantically interested in by being friendly at first, and the woman decided she wanted to be friends with them but nothing else, and now the man is very upset and frustrated because they take this as unfair and torturous.

Whenever one person of either gender wants a romantic/sexual relationship and the other person wants to only be platonic, it can be frustrating and upsetting but should not be a cause for a grievance. That’s the way the cookie crumbles – and ti does happen to each sex.

Friend Zone means that the two people are at odds – they have different goals, needs, and wants.

Once in the friend zone, you never exit.

Conceptually it is a made-up structure (invented largely by women) who don’t have the courage to break up (for any number of reasons, including power, insecurity, having a fallback or a booty call) but have no intention of romantic involvement.

It’s the coward’s way out.

Too many variables! There are friends you sleep with and friends you don’t sleep with. Too confusing!
And being in the friend zone isn’t the end all of the conversation. If a guy wants to get out of the friend zone with a girl he likes, he needs to give the female a reason to. For example, if I found myself in the friend zone and wanted the friendship to be more, I would tell the girl that I really liked her but felt that the relationship wasn’t going in the right direction, so I want to see someone else. Then go your separate ways, do not call her, and see what happens. Make it her choice. If she calls you at some point, then see where it goes. If she doesn’t call you, move on.

Because for men, a relationship with a woman is only valid, if it results in sex.
When they complain about being put in the “friend zone”, it reveals their motivation for that relationship: they wanted to get in their pants, and the fact that the other side ended that pursuit with an “I like you as a friend”, shows that they recognised that copulation was the goal.
Being put into the “friend zone” is equal to an outright rejection, and is perceived as both damage to their ego, and a violation and denial of their masculinity and their sexual desirability. It is thus seen as an attack on them as a person, and as a grievous insult.

But, what if you actually wanted to escape from the lovey dovey touchy feely shit, and get IN to the friend zone? And they wont take NO for an answer? What would be a polite, cordial way of breaking out without getting some gal all butt hurt? That was the issue I always had. No need for hate and recriminations. Thoughts on that? I always hated the Oh, boo hoo hoo, you’re so mean you broke my heart blah blah. Give me a freaking break. I was always like, look I never once said the L word. You maybe, not me. We can still be cool and hang out, but if you want a ring you’re shopping in the wrong store. So that makes me the evil meanie?

Men are sexually driven creatures. If a woman doesn’t know that, then, boy howdy! Does she need some fetchin’ up!!

@Nomore_lockout If women can be such a pain, why would you (a man) want one as just a friend?? That makes NO sense! Hang out with your male buddies, they know where your head’s at…

“So, what’s the big problem with “The Friend Zone”?”

The problem becomes a problem when that person who wants more lied in the beginning since he/she wanted to get into the others pants and that’s all.

I have a neighbor who has shown that he goes out with several women and once gets laid, dumps them.

Don’t you think that other women see that?

That is why he stays in the friend zone until I can trust him but at this point realized that we have opposite interest’s and tastes in music etc

So what’s the point in getting involved with a man that disappoints others, doesn’t show up to go for coffee appointment and or other scheduled times for community interests festivals etc

He clearly showed that his word means nothing and therefore crossed off my list of “could be” best friends or more.

Trust has to be earned from being respectful and dependable and his word means something.

@kritiper Never said ALL women are a pain. And I have had a lot of female friends in my life, and enjoyed the interaction. I suppose I am only speaking from my own experience in my younger days, with a certain type of woman, the ones that had only one thing on their mind,
getting married and having a family with the first schmuck to come down the pike. Just because you take a woman out a few times, is not an indication, or shouldn’t be an indication, that you want to walk her down a church isle.

@Nomore_lockout
I have a question about that statement..
“Thoughts on that? I always hated the Oh, boo hoo hoo, you’re so mean you broke my heart blah blah.
Give me a freaking break.
I was always like, look I never once said the L word.
“YOU ” maybe, not me”

Seems that if she said that and You never corrected her right there and then , then you lead her on to believe that there was more perhaps?

@Inspired_2write No. That is one thing I can say emphatically, that I never lied to a girl about being in love. I avoided that word like the plague, and I had enough possibilities to choose from, that I had no mead to lie to get into a woman’s panties. If they were game for sex, great. If not, that was cool too. I just always wanted to have some fun for shits and grins. I had too many friends who got girls pregnant and had to get married, and I want going there. Voluntarily, involuntarily, or any other way.

I’m with loli.
Platonically.

@Nomore_lockout
My point was that you didn’t emphasize that you are NOT interested in settling down with her which I am sure your silence and continuing of that relationship gave her the idea of that becoming a possibility.
it doesn’t matter at that at point that” YOU Never stated” that you loved her, it was implied by you staying together ( possibility further down the path).

Here is an example:
Man dates a women then eventually after a short while lives with her, then feel upset that she expected marriage?

He travels around the world doing same to other women and STILL he doesn’t understand.

I met this 55 Year old and explained that the women were right in that “YOU” were living with them and thus living as a married couple but without the benefits of a Marriage?

He some how thought that since he also NEVER said the LOVE word , that in his diluted

mind that he was considered not in a relationship that cumulated into a marriage, then breaks

up with every one of them for desiring a marriage?

People like that are untrustworthy no matter how many ways they entangle others in there

game of literally ‘screwing” women .

One cannot blame the women for “trusting so soon”, however once burned, they go into the “Friend Zone” and rightly so.

It takes time to consider which one that other person is going to be able to trust or mistrust, and why get that more involved only to be scared and hurt ,for life for some.

Emotional scars last a life time until they realized that they were played and eventually take precaution’s so it never happens again.

There are players and then there are those who genuinely care.

Decide which one you want to be and leave the game playing for those that go along with it.

@Nomore_lockout A good friend of mine (male) says, “They’re all bitches.”
But, seriously, women are the ones who really know how to play the game of romance, so you have to play by their rules.

@kritiper
In that case the men all bastard game players.

@Inspired_2write Generally speaking, yes. Compared to women, generally speaking, men are children.

@kritiper I disagree with that wholeheartedly. Most of them are great and fun to hang out with. But a few are clingy, seemingly needy, and if you don’t respond in kind, you’re an asshole. That’s why I said, a young guy might be better in the friend zone.

@Nomore_lockout But what is your motive? What is their motive to hang out with you??

@kritiper My motive was I liked them, we had fun (initially) and they were more fun to look at, and smelled a damn site better, than my buds. LOL. That said, I always reserved the right to play the field. I don’t see anything wrong with that. And women of course have the same right. As far as their motive, I don’t pretend to know. I’m nothing to write home about, I’ll admit that right off. But you don’t have to be Don Juan to have fun. Atilla the Hun probably had fun at some point in his life. On edit: The women I am referring to, probably had the motive to be married for the sake of being married, and must have thought I fell off the turnip truck yesterday.

In my own experience, sex is ALWAYS a factor in most relations between men and women.

But it’s a matter of degree. And the other news is – The “friend zone” is actually pretty fluid. A relationship can begin with lovers drawn together by pure sexual passion, then cool to something less than that. And vice-versa.

Possibilities are what make life worth the effort.

For a guy it means all hope for sex with that particular female is out the window.

Kritiper said: “If women can be such a pain, why would you (a man) want one as just a friend?? That makes NO sense! Hang out with your male buddies, they know where your head’s at…” That is another ball of wax right there. I have never had a girlfriend or woman I was close to, in my entire life, up to my wife at this very time, who didn’t hate one of all of my male buddies. It’s always been, Why do you hang out with those assholes? Those guys are drunks and idiots, stay home with me, don’t run around with those losers blah blah. Not even worth the bother to have male buds, just having to keep the peace on the home front. But as My Old Pappy used to say, is a story for another day.

So there ya have it Mr. Kritiper, its women friends or no friends at all.

One situation that can develop is when a woman strings along a guy friend. She flirts with him and enjoys the attention but has no intention of being intimate with him. Maybe he’s the “backup plan,” but either way I think it’s unkind. People should be clear about their intentions with each other.

That’s not to say that men are saints in relationships, and of course this is a generalization. In reality, people are all different and complex.

Why is it always men who get friend zoned? How come I never hear of woman being banished to the friend zone?

@Dutchess_III As I said above, I think this can happen either way. It seems to be a trope that men like to bitch about but either person in a pair can want more from the other person than the other person wants to give. Like so many things, it is a trite oversimplication.

I have just never heard of any women getting friend zoned.

@Dutchess_III , @janbb –
* Raises hand * Yes, oh yes. It does happen (and being bi just doubles the odds)

@Dutchess_III “Why is it always men who get friend zoned?”

I wouldn’t say it’s ALWAYS men, but generally speaking, it’s uncommon for a man to flirt with a woman who is interested in sleeping with him, stringing her along without taking her up on the opportunity for sex. The more common pattern is that he sleeps with her and then ghosts her.

@gorillapaws – Well… at least you sent me flowers.

My favorite lovers started as friends, so I’ve never understood men feeling it was a bad thing.

@KNOWITALL That was my point. In some cases it’s not a bad thing. And much preferable, in my own opinion, to dealing with a bunch of sobbing and boo hooing, and yadda yadda.
and being made to feel like an asshole. Both parties are (hopefully) satisfied and the can still be cordial. And it’s about all you can try to do after being blind sided with some crap you never saw coming. I remember one instance, when a girl I had been seeing maybe two months, walked up to me one day, in front of my buds, threw her arms around me, and blurts out This is the man I’m going to marry. I told my plans, she’s only kidding. No I’m not she replied. So…I’m the bad guy because I broke that off? I told her we could be cool as friends buy she wasn’t having it. Or another instance then I’ll shut up. I was hanging out with a girlfriend one day, just watching TV at her house. She says Oh I have something I want your opinion on. Thinking it was probably some harmless about a key fob or something she bought, I’m like Ok. She brings in a damn wedding magazine and shows me two gowns, and which one I preferred. Still not getting it, I soad well congrats! You getting married? And thin king to myself There IS a God! The light at the end of the tunnel! She snuggles next to me and says, yes we are! Now no one was going to force me into a situation not of my own choosing. Sex or no sex, Platonic or not platonic..Hell to the no. I got married when I met the right gal and I have always been happy and still am. But the other two gals would not have hurt my damn feelings a bit, had they pushed me into their friend zone. No probleemo ladies! I’m good!

You need to clarify something.
Being put in the friend zone requires that no dating and no sex, no petting, not even kissing, has yet happened.
Because if I think what you were and are doing, and you already deposited your slime inside of them, as you will, then that is not putting them into the “friend zone”.
That is just using them for free sex. Prostitution with extra steps.

Nope. I had more respect for women than that. As I said previously if they were game for sex, and some were, and giving me the signals, good. If not that’s good too. I’m not talking about sex I’m talking about getting way too serious, to damn fast. And once again I was willing to stay cordial in all cases. If they wanted to be friends with benefits great. If not that was great too. It was always the woman that wanted to cry and carry on liked I’d freaking killed her.

@JLoon “Well… at least you sent me flowers.”

HA!

Alas, my heart (and half of all of my legal assets) belongs to another. Maybe in another life?

@JLoon and gorillapaws True love at last! You’re welcome!

A true romance!

@Nomore_lockout Like I said “Generally speaking.” In other words, what I said may apply GENERALLY, but not necessarily to you.
Read the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. LOTS of women own this book!
Also, if you can, find a copy of PLAYBOY (July, 1994). Read the article “The Rules of Dating” by Tracey Pepper.

Might do that but at my age it matters not. I’m completley happy with Beth. No interest in messing around even if I could. I was only wondering why some men freak out when they get sent to the freind zone. For me it was never an issue and still wouldn’t be. As I said just a fun question.

@Nomore Aw, I love that name, Beth. Congrats!

Thanks but you’re a day late and dollar short. Been married 42 years. Great gal. Has to be to put up with my antics : )

Yes, just a fun question. But if you wanted to know more about “The Friend Zone” like your question indicated…

“Beth….the two of us need look no more. We’ve both found what we were looking for….”

Also known as Mama Bear.. : ) See I’m playing nice, NOW can I have my six pack? No boozy buds within 100 miles of these parts.

@ragingloli “Because for men, a relationship with a woman is only valid, if it results in sex.”
– Except, that’s not true.

The rest of what you wrote seems accurate, but men only complain about being “friend zoned” by specific women, not all of them.