Those self-sufficient over-80s: how did they come to be alone?

Their husbands died.

Were they still pretty young when they had to do it on their own? Wondering how tough it must be if they were already advanced age. Also how they managed to hold off pressures from their kids.

My 94 year old aunt is widowed. She’s lived on her own since her early seventies. Her daughter was able to convince her to sell her home which she had lived in for many years and move closer to her. They live ten minutes from each other and are able to spend a fair amount of time together. She also lives near one of her granddaughters and can spend time with her great grandchildren.

In the case of my grandfather, who lived alone until he was 86, his wife (my grandmother died) in her late 60’s so about 15 years, he lived alone. She always cooked for him, but he learned how to cook and he did ok.

Where I live, a complex where the houses were formerly summer homes, there are a bunch of widows who are in their late 70’s, and 80’s and one is in her late 90’s. They all live alone and since this is such a safe, nurturing community, people may pick up groceries for them occasionally, but pretty much, they’re independent, take walks every day, volunteer in the community, take boats out on the lake, etc.

From my answer on the other question, my SIL’s father was twice divorced. So he’s been alone for at least the 20 years that I’ve known him.

I started teaching a senior adult Sunday School / Bible Study class about three weeks ago. I thought it would be a geriatric-aged group but it really is just like any other adult Bible study. The eighties is not all that old anymore—people are a lot more active, social, vibrant, and healthy than they were a few decades ago.

Anyhow, there are still a lot of women in their late sixties through early nineties whose husbands have died of old-age associated health conditions. The women are doing just fine,—and a few men—single, alone, and late in life. As long as others stay in frequent contact with them and with each other, all is well. Things like church are very useful in this regard.

To specifically answer the question, most became widowed, but to remain independent it is best that they remain social.

This question requires no thought or consideration. It is simply a matter of those of advanced age outliving their peers. Clearly you are wrestling with the issues of mortality. I can remember as a boy wondering how long I would last, and it’s daunting to realize that virtually every notable or celebrity defining my 20s has by now winked out. Being alone is simply the reality of old age. You simply die last. “and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death”.

@stanleybmanly I think you missed the part about “self-sufficiency.” We know that old people are alone because they outlived others, but those who can still function on their own is a subset of that. And the OP is asking about their circumstances for whatever reasons of her own.