So - should I tell my boss to shove it?

I’m pretty pumped about this, Want to do something really nice for my wife, as a surprise for her. For not running my ass off years ago. (Still surprised that she didn’t lol). Really don’t want to quit my job, but I am not a happy camper.

Yes.

Yes keep my cool, or, yes tell him to stick it up his gazzoo?

Your marriage might not last long if your both unemployed, and living under a freeway in a cardboard box. You don’t have to break on bad terms. Just tell your boss that family is first. My family used to celebrate birthdays on the weekend just after the birthday. I would consult your wife before doing anything permanent.

However if that doesn’t work then hopefully you have 9 months emergency saved up, all bills paid enough to have FU money.

What I would do is ask for the time off.
Then if no then ask for a big wage increase because you are being asked to put your work over family.

What I did my was to ask for Christmas 20 years ago off and my boss said yes. Then he changed his mind, and let the new guy have it instead. I was in tears and I told my doctor, and he gave me a two week sick leave and I gave it to my boss, with two weeks notice.

I don’t think I’d quit my job, but it would depend on how long I’d been working there, how much I liked my job, etc. Could you take her out on Saturday night, instead?

No working Sat too. Have to do it on Monday I guess. Wanted it to be a total surprise, so we’ll see. Hate to be a day late and a dollar short.

Well, if you do it on Monday, she’ll think you forgot, then it’ll be a total surprise and she won’t be mad that you forgot anymore. >8^)

It really would depend. But a 40 year anniversary celebration is not exactly a flimsy excuse for missing a day of work.

A marriage is more important than a job. But I’ll figure it out. Love conquers all, as My Old Pappy used to say.

Maybe not in so many words…

If I was the wife in this scenario, I would not want you to tell your boss to eff off. Any day (as close to the anniversary date) would be just fine to me for dinner and dancing. I’m not tied to a specific date for the “festivities” as long as you remember the actual day. It’s easier to work around the actual date, if you are scheduled to work that day. I wouldn’t want to create trouble/drama when none was needed.

I thought your boss was a friend of yours. He’s a friend and he can’t understand the importance of the request and give you a break?

I’m pretty sure your wife wouldn’t want you to lose your job. Maybe you could do something else on the day of the anniversary; give her a present, watch a favourite movie, share a bottle of wine and explain the circumstances. You could maybe tell a white lie and say you asked your boss for the day off six months ago.

We don’t know all of the details, does your job screw you over all of the time?

I never care about celebrating a birthday or anniversary on the exact date. I would just tell me wife I planned a special night out on X day to celebrate our anniversary. Or, did you want it to be a total surprise?

@jca2 He is but he’s been an asshole lately.

This is starting to sound like the makings of a country western song! (“Have I told you lately that you’re an asshole?” or something like that…)

@Nomore_lockout: I guess only you know how badly you need the job. If you tell him to f off, it’s a gamble, as you know. He might let you have off without punishment, or he might fire you. If you don’t need the money or can get another job quickly and easily, then you can gamble. If you need the job or jobs like the one you are doing are in short supply, you may not want to gamble. You can also talk to your wife and see how important she thinks it is that you celebrate on Saturday night. She might tell you don’t worry about it, any other night is fine.

Consider how much and what sort of disruption it causes at work if you were to not work that night. Then consider how reasonable your boss is being about that. Then consider how much you want to keep working there, and whether you might want to start looking for another job. I could imagine the answers to those reflections either changing your mind about how much of a jerk your boss is, or about whether or not you want to keep working there, in any case. It’s always worth it to check in about such feelings and gauge your true feelings.

Then also consider how important or not the event is to your wife, and what else you might be able to do that might be just as precious to her. For example, it might be even more surprising to, having made the anniversary nice despite having to work, you also took her out for a celebration on Monday. (Does she prefer surprises or looking forward to something?)

Send a bouquet of flowers the day before with a reservation to celebrate on a day/evening that is acceptable to both of you and your employer, and avoid all the needless worry and drama.

Maybe a note in a card explaining the problem with reservation attached with your Love expressed in writing.

If it was in normal times and not Covid I would say travel reservations to a place ( affordable for you two) to vacation together.

@Inspired_2write You gave me an inspiration!

@Nomore_lockout
Great!