Is my wife right to always make me hold my tongue during family drama?

Your marriage, you decide. Factor in the damage it might do to family relations and the consequences.

You always sound like a very angry person on here when you talk about family things so I imagine she has a point.

Incident one, I got a FaceBook thing going a while back, and my sisters started in dogging me about why brother has nothing to do with them..I went ape, because they damn well know why. They screwed me and him out of our part of the inheritance. I have tried to get past that, but he can’t..Nor I do I blame him..Showed my wife the text and then I told her fuck them, I’ll by God tell them if he won’t. But she caught me texting them and told me to let it go. And another episode a while back, when my grand son made an ass of himself at his sister’s gender reveal thing. Got in an argument with her husband. I told.my wife I was.going to tell him shut up or take it outside. It wasn’t his function and he had right to turn things for my grand daughter. One again, the wife tells me to chill out and let it go. I’ve about let shit go for
the last freaking time.

QED

@janbb Yeah, sometimes I am angry when I talk about certain family things. The biggest issue being the audacity of my sisters acting like they don’t have a clue why our bro would have written them off. I’d be more than happy to give them a clue. But I’m letting it ride. And they damn well know anyway. I’m out.

i might think that your wife is merely stating that its better to wait for another “appropriate ” time to discuss this with your sisters in a private meeting. when emotions will be calmer.

I would talk to each sister separately and use the third person : Example

:” Maybe he could be angry about not having a share of the inheritance? don’t you think
that YOU you would feel the same way if YOU were left out in a FAMILY inheritance?”

Perhaps they need insight to understand HOW he feels that it is justified.

Good advice Inspired but I’m staying out of that. He’s a grown man I don’t have to fight his battles for him anymore. And he and I get along great we have no issues with each other. The sisters are greedy self serving you know whats and even my wife agrees what they did was bullshit. What’s done is done though. I just can’t handle all the Little Ms. Innocent gee what did do bull shit, and that’s what it is. But that’s between them and my bro. I try hard to be cordial with them – yeah how you doing sis, how’s the family blah blah. Damn site more than they would say to me if the shoe were on the other foot. If they’d just admit that they fucked us I would be much more happy about it. Don’t even want an apology just ADMIT it. And as far as the grand son thing goes, he was totally out of line. His sis doesn’t like his spouse either, thinks she’s an idiot with a Valley Girl mentality. But she keeps her views to herself and would never ruin a function for her or her brother. Im just her tired of being told to hold my tongue. And my wife and I have never had silly issues like that. Always have and still do get all along fabulously. She just doesn’t like confrontational situations. And apparently she can read my mind, or how else does always catch me trying to send these texts to family I’m pissed at..lol

Depends. You know your family.

With my husband’s family the advice I would give is stay out of it. They will take whatever is said and twist it into a pretzel to support the narrative already in their head.

With other people I might say if they really might be totally clueless, it might be worthwhile to calmly and in a neutral tone tell them why relations are strained in a few sentences. It could easily backfire though. Hence, just staying out of it might be safer.

I often think about writing some of my husband’s family members letters to be opened after my death.

Lol @JLelsie Yes that might actually be for the best.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

While I support your wife in not wanting to react while you are in the throes of anger, I don’t support the idea of suppressing your will in responding to things. It’s okay to disagree, just not to be disagreeable.
It sounds like there are things in your life that have happened that really bothered you and some seem to still be lingering out there. If they are lingering, they will only continue to fester until they are completely aired out. But remember, when you air them there could be further ramifications. Example: I put up with a lot from my father when I was growing up. Finally, when I was an adult, he did one more thing and it was the proverbial straw. I waited until I cooled off and then reached out to him to voice my feelings. I felt better and felt I did what was best for my family. But I didn’t talk to my dad for about another 6 years.
But I believe you are the best one to judge your own cases. You know yourself and how you react on the spur of the moment. You know your wife and her motivations. There are times for rapid, decisive, shock-and-awe responses, and there are times to hold back.

I believe if someone shows their ass, then they deal with the repercussions.
To me, family should be a safe space of love but also a safe space to say I love you, but this behavior is unacceptable.
We should help eachother be better humans in a constructive way.

@KNOWITALL Agreed. As far as the sisters go I’m just tired of the lies. As said, its not about the money any more. Just admit they took advantage of an elderly woman to cut me and our bro out of the will. Stop acting like they have no clue.

@Nomore_lockout Did she live with the sisters or some other reason the sisters felt entitled to the money?

No, one of them had a house on her property, that mom and dad had paid off for her after her hubby passed away. So that one made out like a bandit anyway. Sold a house our parents had essentially bought her, and got more than her fair share of the inheritance. But she’s an innocent little angel that had no clue. Bull Fing crap.

@Nomore_lockout, so what do you think will happen if you confront your sibs? Really, do you think things will get better?That they will suddenly realize that you are “right”? That anything will get better? That your wife won’t be pissed at you, prompting another question like this?

Just curious.

Not sure anything will happen. And my wife agrees with me 100 per cent. And I don’t nessesarily want to confront the I want them to stop the lies. They aren’t innocent they know they aren’t innocent, so they can admit it or drop it and get off my ass. And I’m not running a damn Western Union messenger service between them and our brother.They can to their own discussing.