I need advice with my friends, how do we get closer?

Thank you for trusting us with your situation. It took courage to write to us. Good on you!

Making friends is always touchy. I suggest you relax when you’re interacting with them and be yourself. Proximity breeds closeness. Participate in activities with them, and let them get to know you. Gradually they will think of you as part of the group.

I once moved to a new city. I had to find my own friends. I would arrange dinner outings with a group and instigate game nights. I did the work. Sometimes, no one was available. That’s just luck. Wasn’t my fault. After many months, I became a natural part of a group. It didn’t happen overnight. It took time.

Take some deep breaths, and remember that making friends takes time. Good luck.

You’re not going to understand or believe this, but being popular’s one of those things that if you worry about it, you will only make yourself miserable. I’m old and assume you’re in high school or perhaps younger. Don’t worry. It takes time for a new group to adapt to you. IT WILL HAPPEN. For now, just pay attention and learn who’s who and what’s what. The great truth that you should always keep in mind and actually tape on whatever mirror you use every morning is this: If you simply develop the ability to listen and take an actual interest in people, you will be the most popular person in the group. Try it and let us know in a few weeks. Patience.

I recommend you work on building your confidence. Just like you are getting to know them they are getting to know you. It helps if you are good at something. Most groups end up having people who fill some parts of the group. You have your talkers, your planners, and your buffers. Buffers are the people who can usually work with the shyer people in the group. You have your comedians, and the person with the crazy ideas that are often fun and you have your serious people and those who observe and usually offer good solutions to problems. Groups are like tiny communities. Find out which niche you can fill and work on that. I’m not saying to be something you are not. I mean look for something you see that is missing that is in your ballpark and work at being better at it.

Now it could be there is someone in the group who is very much like yourself. If there is then observe what makes them popular in the group.
But confidence is key. Don’t be clingy. That makes people uncomfortable. Give them space and time to know you.
I remember my kids in High School. They had a group of friends from school that they always hung around. One year there was a new kid in Junior grade. He always dressed in black and kept to himself. Then one day on the bus the kids were joking around and he joined in and say a joke that would be offensive to most people. It caught the group by surprised and some laughed outloud and others smiled at how he said it. It caught their attention. He had been on the bus for some weeks and never said anything.

Well my kids thought he was amusing and invited him to our home. He seemed quiet on the Bus before that but it turned out he was far from the quiet type. My kids friends were a bit on the quieter side but once he enter the group they all became more vocal. In a short while he was like family but it did take about a year to fit in with everyone. My kids were military kids so they learned to making friends quickly. But the secret is be yourself and be confident.
If this group ends up not fitting, don’t feel bad. You will find someone to hang with. Also groups are a bit trickier than trying to make friends with one or two people to start. Groups can turn on each other no matter how long they have been together because people change as they grow and sometime they outgrow long time friends.

And don’t fool yourself. If these people are your friends, there should be no questions such as these. At least you have the perspective to understand that the “problem” is but an invention of your own mind. It’s a mistake to assume that since you are tolerated, it is evidence you are not liked “enough”. Enough for and by whom?