What do you think of the dream I had last night?

It sounds to me like you do have the sense of it.

Dreams can be about helping you get different perspectives on your feelings and thoughts about things, particularly when your thoughts and feelings aren’t aligned, or there are patterns in your feelings that you could benefit from giving more attention.

If it were my dream, I’d be giving attention to how I feel about the nakedness, the nurse’s nakedness, and the toppling scale that can’t hold you up, and my feelings about how I want or think those situations should be different, and how that relates to feelings about situations in my own life, and whether it reminds me of feelings I’ve had in the past about other situations, and when the earliest times are that I can remember feeling that way, to see how much of it is about past patterns rather than just the current situation.

It is a clear representation of your repressed homosexuality.

@Zaku Thanks. This situation has really effected me. So weird that the information that I previously supplied the team is not getting through to them (note from cardiologist and testimony from my three training partners). For the last 5 years I’ve raced many times with all of these guys. They seem to have amnesia as to my paddling skills and never give up attitude that helped to put us on the podium numerous times. That hurts.

@ragingloli HA! Thanks for that. Good to have some humor when you’re feeling down. Love ya!

@Zaku is right with “If it were my dream” because the only one who can read your dream is you.

My dreams often show me what I’m worried about or afraid of, in metaphors too plain to ignore.

To me this one seems like a clear reflection of your anxiety and disappointment. Your phallic paddle is exposed and examined clinically. You have been weighed in the balances and found wanting. Or something that ought to be stable is letting you down.

What do you think about why you woke up in the hospital?

I say join a competing team and race against them.

You feel that in a hospital you are vulnerable and that the people who run the hospital, and the hospital itself, are not what they seem.

It’s all the competition and your psyche saying ‘am I good enough/healthy enough’. You got this, show those pups up with your mad skills!

Screw ‘em dude, stand your ground even of it means raising some hell. You spent the bread to get there and I don’t imagine you’re a Rockefeller. So like they say, just do it. Just my own two cents…

Just my opinion:
They have weak reasons ( measure) to not accepting you.
Hence the scale is unfounded as a measure of your true worth.

They’re fortunate to have him. I don’t know what their malfunction would be, other than being dirt bags. You don’t let a team member spend a mint to come to an activity and then do him dirt. Fug those clowns.

Note: I think that they are more afraid of an emergency in case they are not equipped to handle it?
So they should always have one trained on the team for emergencies anyways.
in a way they ARE CONCERNED for you.

Well of course they need to insure that he has taken proper precautions for his condition. Otherwise I see no reason he can’t get a green light to be with the team in their event. I mean, WTF? Seems to me he has done everything he can do. Very strange bunch those guys. @Inspired_2write

@Nomore_lockout
Its not just him that has to take precautions but the “team” as well.
That is what I was getting at.
Like an ambulance, rescue team whatever.

Don’t you think they’re afraid he will dud out during a meet and cost the team a trophy? It doesn’t sound to me like they’re too worried about him. Just themselves. That’s practically the spirit of the age.

It’s always been the spirit of competitive sports @kneesox. It’s not a new thing.
I can’t imagine @gondwanalon not making the team.

I hope they lose their ass, because of the way they’re treating him. Inexcusable way to treat a team mate.

Thanks a lot for your responses.
In case anyone is interested we had our first workout as a team last Sunday to see how the team blends. Only one guy asked me about my health in private. Answered all his questions. Not sure it it all registered. Or if I’m on the team for certain.
FYI if you are interested. Here’s a sample of what I’m dealing with:
….
Lon, I need to let you know that several paddlers are concerned about you and the Kona Race. I trust that you would tell us if things weren’t right for you. They would not bring it up unless they sincerely cared about you. So, you must be brutally honest with us during the race if you don’t feel well enough to continue as we have spares in the canoe to take over. Can you share this type of message with the rest of the crew. You are valued and well liked by everyone, especially me. Ok. I’m sharing this so you know, not to hurt you in anyway. Call me.
Dave O.

Hello Dave,
For a 1½ years my heart has remained beating normally.
I refer my paddling fitness to Boy and Russ. Ask them about how strong I am. I’ve been training HARD with them 3 days a week for several months.
See note from my cardiologist (an electro physiologist) who specializes in a-fib.
Also see what Bruce wrote about how well I performed at the 2019 Molokai race , “aggressively stroking” through all changes in “hell bent for leather surf”, “reeled in the competition”, “nicely done”. AND THAT was when my heart was in persistent a-fib.
My heart is a BEAST that laughs at a-fib (as one cardiologist once told me).
If anyone thinks that I might just drop dead then forget about it. Every aspect of my heart has been throughly studied. I’m likely the last person to have a heart emergency.
All that said, if anyone thinks that I’m too weak for the team then I’m up for a time trial to show how I measure up.
If there’s some other reason that I’m not wanted then I’ll be happy to step down.
I certainly don’t want to be on a team that doesn’t want me.
Stay strong!
Lon
…….
Lon, Russ and Boy were the first paddlers I contacted. Past history and current conditions apply greatly in our assessment of someone’s health and capability. I just want you to be honest with us during the race. I would not have brought it up if no one cared. No shame or dishonor if you let us know how things are going for you during the race. That’s all that we can ask for and expect from you, as far as I am concerned I don’t want to race you and get my ass kicked. Ok
It looks like you didn’t read or understand what I wrote above.
I’m not going to crap out on you.
I’m not going to die.
Have you had your heart studied by a heart expert?
Apparently Boy and Russ are telling you something that they aren’t telling me.
You won’t be able to point to me as the reason for race failure.
I’m honest with you. Apparently Boy and Russ aren’t being honest with me as they tell me that I’m very strong.
How about that time trial?
…….
No wrong message interpretation, both Russ and Boy are supportive of your health and paddling integrity, I’m just letting you know people care about you. OK
….
I understand what you are saying now.
Above you said that you and other team members are going to assess
my health and capability. I don’t think that you or Brian are qualified to assess my health.
….
No one is at this point, if you have any problems in the race we want you to tell us is all we are asking. I remember you saying you stroked in a race and was feeling it but you continued on despite the fact. We are on your side contrary to what is in your head currently. Ok, just keep training no one is going to question your choice or capability. I asked for Boy and Russ for their opinions and they were favorable so thats what you need to know because they see you consistently each week. While others don’t. I’m on your side and don’t question that. My job is to follow up on concerns. I would be negligent since I brought you all together, If I didn’t. Ok, it ain’t all that easy to organize a crew! I have had 45 years of it, I should know better!
…..
I’m trying to be brutally honest as you put it.
If I have something important to say about me or the race then I will tell you. Does that satisfy you?
In the meantime I don’t want to have my health or fitness questioned at ever turn of the race at Kona.
I’m trying to understand and respond to what you are saying and it seems to be a bit convoluted.
You say that there’s several paddlers concerned about me and yet you don’t seem satisfied that Boy & Russ say I’m OK and the note from a heart expert saying I’m OK with no limits.
Yes I paddled the entire 2019 Molokai race with my heart in a-fib but please read (or reread) what Bruce Smith who sat in seat 2 behind me (above). Another paddler also commented that I was relentless and powerful. I wonder what part of what Boy & Russ and my cardiologist says or what Bruce said about me that you don’t seem to understand?
You seem to have amnesia as to my paddling abilities.
Also I didn’t know that you have been anointed as crew organizer. Good on you. Paul Aio asked be to be on his team several months ago. I committed to it and have been putting in the necessary training.
Good Health!
Stay strong!
Lon
…
Lon, I recommend you talk to the crew on Sunday about how you feel. That way I am out of it and the others will hear it directly from you. I was just being straight with you. You and I are friends and I wanted to verify what I already knew.
….

I just have a couple questions:
Do you think that I’m not being honest, clear or “straight” with you?
Also…
You contacted me saying that “Several paddlers are concerned about (me) and the Kona race”.
You do not seem satisfied with my responses to their concerns.
What is it about my communication with you (as “crew organizer”) that will not satisfy the concerns of “the others”?
….

Lon, If someone has concerns of your health, why not let the whole crew know, don’t you think that if two members have it their head there might be more. Just tell them not me. For your information this was actually relayed to me from Paul, that’s why I did some follow-up.
You were not there when we saw heart attacks and death at the Calvary World Sprints, or near Peter Foran, when he died in the water literally, next to us at the finish line, or when Dean Williams died the next day after racing in Kalama..
This is what we have witnessed and experienced as paddlers. Man up and tell the crew about your health, is just a suggestion. You can be pissed if you want but your fingering the wrong person. Ok, your on the Kona crew the rest is up to you!
….
First of all Dave I am not pissed off.
You asked me to be brutally honest.
I am trying to communicate with you. Sorry that I have failed to do so effectively.
Remember that YOU contacted me about this. I did not “finger” (whatever that means) you.
The information that I gave to you about my heart doesn’t seem to have any meaning to you at all.
I’ll try again because I like you and I seem to have infinite patience.
As I stated above, every aspect of my heart has been thoroughly studied by heart experts (cardiologists). All my heart vessels (veins & arteries) are wide open. All my heart valves are good. My heart’s pacemakers (AV & SA nodes) work perfectly. My atria and Ventrals are highly muscular.
You bring up heart attacks. I’m the last person to be worried about.
My heart’s left atrial appendage (LAA) has been completely removed so in the blood clots can’t form there that cause strokes.
Pretty sure that I’ve mentioned to you how strong my heart is. So strong that 2 cardiologists have encourage me to continue to run full marathons and triathlons EVEN when my heart is in persistent a-fib (Finished Boston and NYC full marathons with my heart in persistent a-fib).
I am definitely not the typical patient with a-fib. One doctor told me that my heart is so strong that it laughs at a-fib.
I’ve been living with the cloud of a-fib hanging overhead for 20 years now. Been through all the heart drugs that do more harm than good and multiple procedures. I learned enough to have successful debates with my cardiologists as to how best to deal with this condition. Thankfully I’ve been able to keep my heart in NSR well over 99.9% of the time.
Anyway,
I have no hard feelings towards you or anyone else.
I’m just trying to be “brutally honest” with you.
Aloha!
FYI: Does not surprise me that Paul got you involved in this craziness. HA!
…
Lon, this mostly is the info that nobody knows or understands, and could be helpful to be shared.

Hugs.

Hmmm…something fishy about all that. The info you offered up from the Doc would be enough for me. I think there is something else going on here. Call me nuts if you like, but I’m in your corner dude. It just does not add up with me. Maybe these guys have English comprehension issues?

Do you need a note from your doctor?
Something in writing to offset this questioning that your are receiving.
That way its all clear in writing etc ( if that’s what they need to stop harassing you.

Sounds like more of a legal issue with them?

They are his friends. He’s not going to sue his friends.

Are they?

Yes. Read his discussions with b them above.

For what it’s worth, this exchange seems full of little misunderstandings. I wonder how different it would have gone if you’d talked in person. To me, it seems obvious that the team values you and they’re simply worried because they’ve had terrible experiences in the past. A guy died in the water? What an awful experience.

I would try to challenge that whole idea of anyone wanting you off the team. They just want you to be safe. It sounds like you will be fine in the race, but a lot of people do push their bodies unnecessarily, so that should probably be a concern for every team member, always. Remember that lots of people express their fondness and admiration through worry.

This is how we learn not to tell people our business. I have given Rick and my kids instructions to never tell my sisters if I wind up in the hospital again.

@Dutchess_III Good advice.
2015 to 2019 my heart was functioning adequately. That’s the time frame when I took up canoe racing. During that time my teammates knew nothing about my long battle with a-fib (starting from 2001). Like previously indicated, my heart went into persistent a-fib in 2019 just before a 41 mile canoe race. I told no one and no one suspected that anything was wrong with me.

But persistent a-fib over several months tends to wear me down mentally. I got depressed. The enjoyment of canoe paddling and racing evaporated. Prior team mates wanted to know what’s wrong with me. Why have I stopped racing? Like I said my doctors say that I can race while my heart is in a-fib, the enjoyment was gone. It’s a miserable crappy feeling. So I tried to let them know what was going on.

Since February 2020 (cryo-balloon catheter ablation) my heart has remained beating normally and I’ve been feeling terrific.

I tried to convey to my team mates that my health condition is the same now as it was during the 5 years that I raced many times with them. They don’t seem to get it. Why? I don’t know. But I think that they may be getting information from so called health care experts (Fireman EMT and a retired RN). True those two know a lot about a-fib. They may know a thousand things about a-fib. But I know a million.

Most people who suffer with a-fib have a reason or contributing factor that causes the a-fib (heart attack, bad heart valves, thyroid issues, drug abuse, etc). Doctors have not found a reason why my athletic healthy heart goes into a-fib. They call it “lone a-fib” because it stands alone all by itself.

Yeah. Then they start getting with “experts” and it spirals out of control with the rumors and speculation….the jucier the better. :( I lost my job over bullshit like this.
I am so damn sorry. I hope this works out.

@Dutchess_III Thanks for your well wishes.
Sorry that you lost your job from this sort of thing.
I use to work in a hospital lab as a med tech. Whenever I had a personal lab test done on me, my coworkers would run my tests and therefore have access to my personal chart (something that I was not authorized to see). I changed my doctor to anther hospital just to keep my snooping coworkers out of my chart.

Well, I’m trying to be genuinely helpful here, so I’ll say that your dream, of course, is open to interpretation. The only thing that matters is the way you choose to see it. This is true of dreams, and group politics.

I’m with @longgone that from the snippet you provided, there is clearly some misunderstanding going on. I cringed reading it, because I couldn’t feel like you were in the right the whole time. It seemed like a team leader was attempting a really touchy but necessary thing, and you kinda bit his head off for it and continued to escalate. I think you’re choosing one interpretation of what’s going happening, above other possibilities.

If the team is wrong for being concerned for your health, you need to talk to them. You must convince them that lone a-fib is a real thing, and you won’t likely die like those other self-assured blokes did. If they aren’t convinced, then you probably can’t be on the team. If most are convinced but other keep trying to use it against you to get you off the team, then at least you have supporters and everything is out in the open.

And it’s not wrong to share health information with the team that is asking you to risk your health. If you die because you were yet another jackass who didn’t believe it could happen to them but it did, you just made every other person on that team complicit in your death, and it will haunt their lives.

If they only use health information to try and attack you, well maybe it’s a bullshit team. If they aren’t as convinced as you are, either they see something you don’t, or you haven’t show them yet.

@Smashley Thanks for your thoughtfulness. That’s some big if’s that you provide.
I wasn’t trying to bite the guy’s head off. I just wanted to be assertive and be “brutally honest” (as requested).
I admit that it’s frustrating to me that the valid information that I provided seemed to be totally ignored. That’s so weird.
My health condition has not changed in 20 years as that’s how long I’ve been dealing with a-fib. During the last 6 years I’ve paddled with those guys in dozens of races in Washington, Oregon, Canada and Hawaii. No one ever complained about my performance (Only positive feedback). I never got sea sick like other guys. Never made a major screw up (Like other guys did).

If they decide that I’m off the team then the most logical conclusion will be that it is not because of my health or physical fitness.

That was my issue with the whole thing. I mean, you have to bring a team of surgeons and cardiologists with you, to pacify these guys?

Just FYI: I did make it on the team but I found out yesterday that above mentioned canoe race in Kona, Hawaii has been canceled to all outside of Hawaii paddlers.

Bummer. Have plane, hotel and car reservations. Paid over $500 for team racing t-shirts.

What a nightmare. HA!

Glad you made the team. I never doubted you.
I am so sorry about the rest.