Why would anyone say such a thing? (See details)

Maybe your son does know the person.

I think they were just saying they look just like him and complementing him and the children.

It is just a comment on the genetic stamp, meant to be friendly and nice.

I don’t see that as an insult at all. They were remarking on the physical similarity. It’s a fairly common kind of remark.

Would you have preferred. “the apples sure didn’t fall far from the tree!”

It’s a compliment, quit taking offense from people trying to say nice things.

Sorry I have to agree with the others here I don’t find it insulting at all.

Maybe it was meant as a compliment, to both your son and his kids. Like saying he’s a good looking guy, and his children as well. Probably could have been phrased slightly differently, but I wouldn’t take it as an insult. Some people don’t think before they post.

Does not seem insulting to me.
Unless you think your son is ugly, and so are his children, and the comment was dripping with sarcasm.

I agree with the others. It sounds like a compliment to me, even if a kind of clumsy one.

So I’ve been thinking about this and I am curious, @Dutchess_III, why do you find this insulting?

Well it could be misconstrued.

How?

I see it as a lovely compliment.

Someone could get the idea that my son is questioning whether or not he’s the kid’s biological father

I think that would take reading it upside down and backwards.

Or maybe the person who said that knows something we don’t know. I’m just saying that if you don’t really know my son such a comment could be open to gossipy personal interpretation.

@Dutchess_III It’s a pretty standard compliment. People have said it to me about the son who looks like me. I think you’re reading too much into it.

I’m sure I am.

Rick once said that Micheal Jackson’s kids looked just like him!
Rick…

I guess I don’t know why it’s even important.

BTW the oldest is not my son’s biological son.

It’s a compliment. No need to be a Nancy Drew. :)

It’s definitely a compliment, as explained above. A pretty cool phrasing too. Just commenting on the (strong) physical resemblance.

To be fair, I personally wouldn’t say such a thing because I don’t think resemblance is important or notable.

Plus, people can be dumb in trying to be nice. After we adopted my daughter, from China, one person kept insisting, for years, that we looked alike. I’m a big goofy white dude. It was oddly important to this person that we look alike. I think it spoke to her discomfort with the adoption.

Maybe the OP felt it was like saying his wife might have had children with another man? I’m just trying to figure out why it’s insulting. Or, what if the children were adopted or step children, then I guess it could be rude in some people’s point of view to assume and say something.

The aunt of a very good friend of mine adopted fraternal twins and the kids looked just like the family. They went to Poland to adopt them and her family is Polish on both sides.

One time I took my niece (she looked sort of Southern Italian at the time) and my friend’s daughter (she is Black, but not very dark) to McDonald’s and while in line a man looked at them and me (I’m very white/pale) and he asked, “do they have the same father?” Some people think that was a horrible thing for him to ask.

Hopefully, the OP will come back and explain.

If we all have to stretch and strain to try to figure why it might be insulting, then chances are you are overthinking this.. really “beautiful children that look like you” is a compliment across the board, even if not all of them are his biological children. Facial e press ion, body position, style of dress, all contribute to resemblance.

I don’t try to figure out why people say things. Although I don’t think of this person’s comment as an insult, there are a zillion reasons why anybody might say anything, some reasons being logical, some being illogical. Sometimes people are crazy and we might never figure things out. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not get upset over stuff like that. Unless things devolve into an argument on social media, I let go and look for the good, when possible.

Thank you @cookieman. Straining to suggest the child looked like you. Rick’s family does that, hence the absurd remark Rick made about MJ’s kids. I don’t understand it. Why does it even matter!?
Here” is the picture.

I fail to see the resemblance.

It is a typical comment of flattery. There must be something that can be seen in each of them that is a striking resemblance to the father. (Eyes, mouth, smile, height, etc)

If anyone might be insulted it would be the children’s Mother.

Maybe I’m a little touchy because I adopted my ex’s oldest daughter when she was 18 months and I had to endure so many comments like “Why do you even care? She’s not your real kid.” The hell she isn’t.
In a strange twist of fate she looks far more like me than the other 2. I had a woman I didn’t even know at the grocery store say “Wow! There is no doubt she’s your daughter! You look like twins.” WHO CARES???

One last story. In the late 80s my dad’s family decided to have a family reunion once every 4 years.
At one of the reunions, in the 90s, the reunion committee (of which my dad’s wife was a senior member) thought it would be a great idea to note, on the genealogy chart, who was adopted.
My oldest followed the chart, saw her notation, and just burst into tears.
It was just thoughtlessly cruel, like “This person doesn’t really belong here.”
I took my dad’s wife to task. She just defended their reasoning, what ever it was, but never did apologize.
However, that notation never showed up again at future reunions.

@Dutchess_III thanks for sharing that. Wow, that was something heartless and cruel. While blood is blood, nurture wins or nature everytime.

That’s what I basically guessed. If the children aren’t all his it causes an awkward situation. Some children and parents are very sensitive about it.

@Dutchess_III That’s horrible excluding the adopted child. I can’t even imagine.

The oldest isn’t “his.” Except for the fact my son adopted him and has been his dad since he was 2.

Yeah. I don’t know what they were thinking. My daughter, Jen, didn’t go to another reunion for years and years and years.
I’m glad I took my dad’s wife to task, although it wasn’t easy. It was kind of like reading my dad the riot act!

Oh. And a side note. My dad died in 05. Early last month his wife had an issue. They think it was heart related. She flat passed out on her feet and busted her head open. This was toward the end of June..
She was in the hospital for 3 weeks.
My little sister and one of her daughters flew out for a week.
Then I flew out for 2 weeks.
My oldest, Jen, came out a few days later, around July 3rd, and has been there ever since (today is August 19th.)
They released Gramma from the hospital and Jen has been there, getting her get to to rehab and therapy appointments, assisting her in taking showers, seeing to it she takes her meds, that she eats, that she stays hydrated.
Jen’s brutally homesick but hanging in there.
So I guess I wish the words “His or her real child” would disappear from the world forever.

^^I only mean not biologically his, but of course biology does not matter at all in reality. Adopted children are real children of the parents just the same as biological. Certainly, they are part of the family tree. I never would think to exclude them. That’s shocking.

They didn’t actually exclude them. The chart was hand written and went clear around the room.
“Real” family had a straight line to their family tree.
Adopted kids had a jaggy line, like stair steps, to their family.

Fuckers.

My point was, it is the adopted daughter who has put her life on hold for that woman.

I understood your point. Family is family.

Regarding the genealogy I could see maybe if they had write-ups about each person and for bloodline there might be some sort of footnote.

An adopted friend of mine did a DNA test for herself and children for health reasons. She has not approved the thing where they look for biological family, she has no interest in that at all.

The visual of a different line on the tree is absolutely horrible, especially for a young person to see.

My daughter has put her life on hold to care for the woman who was probably instrumental in singling her, and the other adopted family members, out. Amazing child.

Yes it was horrible. I was glad to see it gone at the next reunion. Jesus. That would have been three people singled out because she has 2 sons.

Anyway, the remark by my son’s friend just really rubbed me the wrong way.

FWIW the oldest girl is not my son’s wife’s bio child. However, she’s the spitting image of me! She’s my mini me.

So @Dutchess_III, I think we can see why the remark bothered you. Maybe the thing here is that it’s not about blame. The friend didn’t do anything wrong. But it touched a sensitive spot with you. Is there some way we can help with that?

Oh thanks @kneesox. It’s ancient history.
Yeah. I guess I over reacted. But now y’all know why! I had to deal with Jen’s bio family constantly cramming “you’re not her REAL mom!” down my throat, too.

Ha ha. Jen hooked up with her bio family and she has some.of them on Facebook.
Diane’s sister, who was one of the worst, thought I was Jen. She said something to me.
I said “This is not Jen. This is her mother.” ha bitch.
None of them have seen her since the mid 80s.