How concerned are you about how others perceive your sexual orientation?

I live in a large urban area in Caliphony.

Being married, about 80% heterosexual, and living in a somewhat protective blue bubble, my concern is zero or at most tiny.

But if for some inexplicable reason I was “visiting” Chechnya, I’d be so concerned that I’d leave before any of them discovered my other 20%.

OP edit: The tag I wrote was “sexual orientation”, not…preference.

Now that I work for myself it isn’t an issue.
But back when I worked for a local truck dealership it was, at least as far as I could see it. I was in my late 30’s, never been married and didn’t have a girlfriend. I could only imagine what my fellow co-workers might have thought.

Not concerned per se

But given my sexual orientation I would prefer females see me as heterosexual rather than males see me as homosexual. It simply seems to be more efficient and a time saver.
Otherwise there is time wasted in clarification.
But if that’s what it takes..,

Not concerned at all. Never have been. I’m straight, so maybe that’s easy for me to say, but most of my adult life I worked in industries that had a lot of openly gay people and trans. If someone mistakes me for being a lesbian I don’t care, I’d just let them know I’m straights. It’s a total non-issue in my life. My friends don’t care if someone is gay or bi of whatever. Back when I was a teenager I frequented gay clubs. It’s been all my life that it doesn’t matter.

I’m bi and sexually active with both male & female partners.

But I feel my orientation/preference doesn’t define everything about me, and in daily life it doesn’t really doesn’t come up that often. I just don’t believe I have to declare, explain, or defend my sexuality to random people in order to function or relate to other humans – Unless it involves intimacy with someone new I’m attracted to, or who’s interested in me.

Sex may be big thing in my life but it’s not the only thing, and I never try to mix it with politics or business. So in a sense I’m probably “under the gaydar” in most places and situations when I’m among strangers. But not because I’m shy ;P

Truth is the only awkward and angry confrontations I’ve had over my bisexuality have been with hardcore lesbians who push me to “make up my mind” or “choose a team”. I don’t respond well to that kind of ignorance and hostility.

@JLoon I know bi women with that experience. They received more flack from the gay community than straight.

@JLeslie – True in my case for sure. But at the same time, I can say gay men have been generally more supportive & uderstanding whenever my sexuality comes up.

Life is strange sometimes – But it’s still sweet.

@JLoon Truth is the only awkward and angry confrontations I’ve had over my bisexuality have been with hardcore lesbians who push me to “make up my mind” or “choose a team”.

I find it ironic that those people fight for the right to be different, then become hostile when they see someone different right in front of them.

I am greatly concerned.

I am concerned that others will greet me with something less than full acceptance of my humanity.

I am concerned that others will tolerate me to my face and listen to preachers who expound on how evil I am behind my back.

I am concerned others will smile at me and then vote for politicians who want to strip me of my rights.

I am concerned that others will beat me or stand by while others beat me.

I am concerned that another will murder me.

I am concerned I won’t have adequate access to mental health care to overcome a lifetime of homophobic abuse by my parents, siblings, neighbors, classmates, and society at large.

I am concerned my right to marry will be reversed.

I am concerned the real hatred trans individuals face will turn on me next.

I am concerned my gay friends will lose their jobs without recourse.

I am concerned I will be denied rentals.

I am concerned I will not be able to hold my boyfriend’s hand without fear.

I am concerned you don’t care.

I am concerned.

@Hawaii_Jake – Lots of us do care. Don’t stop being who you are. Courage, honesty, and love are the best qualities humans have – And in the end they beat hate, fear, and lies every time.

@Mimishu1995 – Thanks. Keep being different.

@Hawaii_Jake You’ll never avoid all of those. I care but you expect the impossible from all.

@Hawaii_Jake

“I am concerned you don’t care.”

I assure you that I do care. {{hugs}} Who else besides you and me knows what we celebrated on June 26, 2015?

@kritiper Which one of those are you hoping I can’t avoid?

I wasn’t thinking in terms of people who might want to harm me.

I think @Hawaii_Jake makes a good point that he can encounter people who might want to seriously physically hurt him. I sometimes feel that way about my religion and being vulnerable as a woman. In the last five years my husband worries about it being Mexican.

I was just thinking of the Q in terms of a Lesbian coming on to me or an acquaintance just assuming incorrectly.

@Brian1946 I’d say most people in the bay area. ;)

Truly not concerned at all. I’m straight, have had a lot of boyfriends in my younger days and a 42-year marriage to a man. I like the saying “What people think of me is none of my business.”

I’ve been assumed to be gay more than once, including while having dinner with a lesbian friend (who is solidly partnered). She told me afterward that she could tell the waitress thought we were a couple and probably thought we were “cute.” She saw things I didn’t see because I wasn’t attuned to them, but I thought that was nice anyway. I got a kick out of it.

A few other times, I was taken not only for lesbian but for the top in a kinky BDSM pair when I went to dungeons with my adventuresome friend. One person asked me for permission to play with my friend, and another couple of times people wanted to teach me some bondage and flogging styles. I was curious and paid attention. But the vibe was all coming from my friend, not me; I was just along to enjoy sharing her adventure in a world I wouldn’t have known otherwise. I had no desire to explain or set anyone straight—I just went along with it for the sake of the experience.

I have to add that everyone seemed to be having a great time, and I really enjoyed the cheerful mood. Better than a lot of other parties I’ve been to.

I know I’d feel differently if I thought I were in danger in these situations, but I don’t. I think it’s a horrible thing in our society for anyone to feel afraid, rejected, or persecuted for being who they are.

For whatever reason people occasionally think I’m gay. I have a gay friend who was convinced I was gay until I told him I was Jewish. He said, “Oh, that explains it. I get gays and Jews confused all the time.” I’m not concerned about it in the slightest.

I spent my adolescence in the South. The culture here was pretty homophobic and I’m ashamed to admit that I got sucked into that mindset in my youth. It wasn’t until I learned more about human sexuality, the complexities of gender, and simply got to know and become friends with gay people that I realized what an ignorant shithead I was.

@Hawaii_Jake I don’t know if the fact that people like myself can change gives you hope, but it gives me hope.

@Brian1946 thanks for the throwback to my younger day :)

Seriously though, I think that was also around the time when Vietnam legalized gay marriage. But looking back, nothing seems to have changed. Just because the law changed doesn’t mean people changed. There is still a lot of homophobic sentiment here. Gay people are constantly up for exploitation like being the butt of the joke in plays or game shows. People still express homophobic opinions on social media and forums. I know at least one forum where homophobia is welcome and anyone defending homosexuality is beaten to oblivion.

Interestingly, I notice that most homophobes are either:
– Traditional people who don’t like new things.
or
– Bitter incels who seem to be afraid that they may be gay themselves.

And this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I think the hatred partly comes from the “gay” people who are desperate for attention. They try hard to make sure everyone knows they are gay by acting on the stereotypes of homosexual people to the point of making people uncomfortable. It started with celebrities who tried to “come out” in drove for some clout, then it spread to the average people who also wanted some clout. They are acting so ridiculous that I wonder how many of them are really gay. Coupled with the fact that not many people know what it’s like to be gay, people look at those attention seekers and conclude that this is how all gay people behave. It’s really saddening and disgusting.

Interestingly enough, here in my place only gay men are known. There are very few mentions about lesbians. I highly suspect that lesbians are hiding behind the shadow because they are more cautious about coming out, and they don’t want too much attention on themselves.

Not concerned at all. I’m comfortable with my hetero views. I don’t care if others don’t see things my way…they get to live their lives and I get to live mine. I have had gay guys make passes at me and it doesn’t offend me. I just tell them they are barking up the wrong tree.

@seawulf575 why would gay guys make passes at you?

I am not concerned whatsoever.

I have been asked and hit on by same sex many times. Not a concern what other people think of me in this regard.

When I was in the Army working in San Francisco, most people were convinced that I was gay even when I explained to them that I’m not gay. I was too busy with college classes and another part time job to have a girlfriend. Gay men often asked me for dates. None of it bugged me much. No time for nonsense.

Concerned enough to put on trousers before leaving the flat.

I’m hetero, but I have more important things to worry about in life, then which way people swing. To each their own. This nation needs to get a grip, learn mind our own F’ing business, and get our collective heads out of our ass. I want socialized medicine, I want billionaire bastards to pay their fair share in taxes. Not meaning to be offensive, but I could frankly care less who you play in the hay with. That’s your business, break a leg.

To be more specific to your question, my level of concern only goes as far as some gun packing hillbilly shit for brains, trying to harm people who might be gay, bi, or transgender. I’d like to break that gun over their red neck head. Otherwise, you are on your own. I can’t stand these stupid pricks who whine about liberty and freedom, but have the audacity to infringe on the liberty and freedom of others. Live and let live, or shut the F up and shove the guns up your ass. You think you have a right to dictate to others how to live? Then I will tell you, you don’t need a god dam Uzi or AR 15 to kill a fucking deer, suck it up buttercup.

Not concerned. I have been labeled as gay in the past but I’m 100% hetero. I spent a long time not in a relationship and that lead a lot of people to question my sexuality. My first real girlfriend and honestly the love of my life was not really that attractive and that made others question it more. Her personality was such a good fit that it overcame all that and then some. I have passed on so many opportunities for casual sex but I can’t bring myself to do it because of all the trouble that usually comes with it. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE sex and I drool over attractive women but I just don’t let my dick drive. If I ever do it’ll drive me right over a cliff.

@Nomore_lockout Generalize much? What do hicks, conservatives and hunters have in common? Your prejudice that they are shit for brains homophobes hunting deer with an uzi.

Ok sport then let them tell you how to live your life. Have fun.

@Nomore_lockout Who exactly are “they” anyway.

I was raised by hippies and have zero concerns about mine or anyone else’s private lives.

But I will say, THIS redneck will ball you up if you come at any of my friend for thing’s that are not your business. And I’m not special, there are a lot of us who feel exactly the same.

As a Christian, Midwesterner, gun owner or any other label you care to bestow on me, the result will be the same.

I’m not. I went through my “concerned” phase as a teen, and I am past it. Part of that was growing up in the SF Bay Area, where being gay was a non-issue for my family and friends. It’s true that there are parts of this country and many other countries that I might avoid being open about my sexuality in. I can hold hands with a boyfriend here in the Bay. I probably wouldn’t do so in a small town in the South or even in rural California. But I don’t live my life being concerned about how others perceive me. And I certainly will not hide my sexuality for anyone’s comfort.

@Blackwater_Park He didn’t generalize all conservatives. Yes, he was using an example of the type of person who might be homophobic with stereotypes. And there are people like that. But you chose to read into it a generalization of all people who share any of those traits. The vast majority of homophobes I’ve met are Christian. I have also met gay Christians and supportive non-LGBT Christians. I don’t judge all people in a group, but I will not pretend that homophobia is not more prevalent among certain groups.

@Hawaii_Jake You can avoid all of them some of the time, and some of them all of the time…

If you think you can avoid all of them all of the time then you’ve got your expectations set too high.

And I wasn’t hoping anything, just being real.

@Demosthenes I would not be apologizing for that post. I know what the poster meant.

Not asking you to change your mind, just saying that I read it differently and understand where the anger and frustration comes from. (Similarly, I understand the LGBT people who rant about the flamboyant assless chap-wearing pride parade attendees. I think their anger should be directed elsewhere, but I get it).

@kritiper “Just being real…” Your answers drip with glee at the thought that I have to live in perpetual fear. Get lost!

@kritiper your words show the very reason why the needle does not move in the correct direction on this real world topic/issue.

@Hawaii_Jake and @Forever_Free Those are your perspectives, not mine. And that’s why @Hawaii_Jake ‘s issues will prevail. You just gotta let it go!

”...I get gays and Jews confused all the time.”
That is the funniest thing I’ve read this month!!

@Dutchess_III It’s even better. He lives in Phoenix and once I walked down the street with him arm in arm. We’d pass someone and play “Gay or Jew.” Later that day we went to a restaurant where one of his friends (gay) was serving us. My friend asked the waiter, “Hey, do you think my friend is gay or a Jew?” The waiter looked at me and said, “Definitely gay.” It was hilarious.

LOLLL!!

@Caravanfan I think that is maybe a metrosexual comment. Or, men who live in urban environments even if they are not overfocused on fashion.

When I was in college in the midwest more than one person said they couldn’t always tell the difference between northeasterns and Jewish people. They said how I dressed made them assume I was from the northeast or Jewish or both.

@Mimishu1995 I have no idea why they would make passes at me. Apparently I am attractive to the same sex. I’ve had my ass grabbed at parties where there were a lot of gay guys. I had a gay guy ask my landlady about me another time. She told him I was straight. He told her you could always make a straight rug curvy. My wife and I went to a gay bar to see a friend of ours perform (piano and singing). I had several guys hit on me until they realized I was with my wife.
I found it all quite amusing.

Meh, I’ve always found attention from straight girls amusing too. Obviously guys in general (gay or straight) just tend to give more of that kind of attention, but I definitely got it from horny drunk girls at college parties and bars. :P

@JLeslie Well, the metrosexual men I have met are very concerned with their hair, appearance, and fashion. I get 15 dollar haircuts, get clothes from Costco and wear them until my wife tells me that they’re too torn apart to wear anymore.

You need to check out Goodwill @Caravanfan.

@Caravanfan Are you thin? That could be another confusing thing for some people. Not that there aren’t overweight gay men.

No. He’s not thin. He’s not fat. He’s just right.

@Dutchess_III That would take work. I just order the clothes I know fit. Actually, I lie. My wife gets the clothes she knows fits and they appear magically in my closet. I do, however, buy my own shoes and underwear. But I get my underwear and socks from REI and I like cargo pants because of the pockets. Oh, I do buy t-shirts from breweries and rock concerts which pisses my wife off because she says I have too many fucking t-shirts. I made her a deal that if I buy a t-shirt, two go in the trash. I do not abide by that deal. I also buy my own baseball hats. And backpacking clothes. She actually had the unmitigated gall to ORGANIZE my t-shirts once. I came home and I yelled, “You have too much TIME on your hands!!” She even labelled them. She likes labelling things. I mean, I know where my t-shirts are, I don’t need a fucking label.

@JLeslie My BMI is 23.4.

(It’s lucky this post is in social because my last post would be modded off the planet)

^^Lol. 23.4 is fairly low. Actually, a great BMI, I wish that was my BMI. I’m marking you as thin for a man over 50, but not an unhealthy looking skinny. My husband lost a lot of weight, way too much in my opinion. I’d call him too skinny and I’m upset about it, and I think it makes him look like he has an illness, or could be mistaken for gay also. I could care less about him being mistaken for gay, but looking sick is a problem in my opinion for many reasons. Although, now this thread has me wondering if being perceived as gay might be a problem also in some situations.

Some gay men probably ask when they have an inkling someone else might be gay. Just a curiosity about having it in common. Similar to how Jewish people ask when someone has a Jewish last name or gives some sort of clue they might be Jewish.

@JLeslie My BMI is 19.6. I must be super gay. :P

giggling!

My BMI is 20.5. Holy crap. I’m a super gay Jew!

@Demosthenes Oh gosh, don’t go fitting the stereotype. Lol.

If you get the idea someone might be gay do you ask them?

I wouldn’t suggest asking them. If they aren’t gay you could get punched in the nose.

@JLeslie Usually only if I’m pretty confident they are. Also depends on how drunk I am. ;)

@Dutchess_III I think that’s a common thing that minority groups do. Not just minorities though, other groups just having something in common. Like hearing someone’s accent, or how someone looks, or last name, even career, or some other tell.

It seems to happen less in the middle of the country than on the coasts.

If you ask some random guy if he’s gay, and it turns out he’s a homophobe, what do you think his reaction would be?

@Dutchess_III It’s not random, it’s an educated guess with someone you are building rapport with. I would say I am right over 90% of the time when I ask someone if they are Jewish, gay, Italian, whatever.

I don’t usually ask people if they are gay, rather I make a statement or two that will demonstrate I am totally ok with people being gay.

Regarding the Jewish thing I usually come right out and ask. Jews ask me all of the time. My last name is a huge give away. It goes like this, I introduce myself, lets say my name is Greenberg, and then they say Rubenstein, and then we give each other a look, and someone says, “Jewish?” Even if they do not know my last name I get asked.

It’s not like it comes up in every interaction with someone trying to figure these things out, it is only when it presents itself. It’s when people are building rapport so they are becoming more comfortable with each other and have built some trust. It might be after knowing a person for a while or on first meeting, it just depends.