Is anyone in the wrong?

A simple mix up. So now you have two pair of school shoes, an extra pair, just in case one pair gets wet or somehow trashed.

If all the shoes were identical in color, size, shape then I can see the mixup, but if not then I wouls suspect it.
Put name tags inside and have everyone do the same and check before taking shoes.

Shit happens. An honest mistake. Can’t blame you for getting another pair though. An ounce of precaution is worth a pound of cure. At that point, you had no way of knowing beyond doubt that your friend had taken them. And not worth the risk of a write up in my view. No one is wrong. Just shake it off.

It’s never a bad thing to have a spare or two. Heck, I have spares of everything (I need a bigger house).

The school is in the wrong for having stupid petty authoritarian rules.

1. The school is wrong for their policy.
2. The school is wrong for creating an atmosphere where you think you’d get in trouble for this.
3. You might be not entirely completely careful, that you didn’t know where your shoes were.
4. “Everyone” who is saying you’re stupid, is wrong for saying that, but they are projecting the toxic stress caused by wrongs #1 and #2 above.

@Zaku I disagree that the school is wrong. Their dress code policy was put in place for a reason. Being written up for a code violation is not traumatic but need to be respected.
People mocking her and calling her stupid is what is wrong here. Yes, they may be projecting their feelings about the code. They should take that up with the school and not take it out on a peer. When my daughter was in private HS with similar opinions about the dress code. Her classmates (all genders) properly took up challenge in the dress code differences between genders. They were able to get it changed to meet the times. That is the proper way to voice concern versus just saying everyone is wrong or someone or something is stupid.

The OP was respectful in doing her part. I applaud her for making sure she respected the rules of her school.

@Forever_Free Did your daughter wear boots in that school?

@Forever_Free I don’t think a dress code itself needs to be a problem. In fact, I’ve heard students at other schools express that they were glad that school uniforms relieved them from crazy fashion peer pressure and comparisons that they would otherwise have to worry about.

But the feelings expressed in this question, and the reported behavior of “everyone” of her peers, indicate to me that the policy is defective if it is causing such fear of immediate unrelenting consequences over having lost one’s shoes, and actual abusive behavior.

Or perhaps the fear she has is not realistic, and a simple explanation from a parent to the administration would be enough to resolve the potential problem. Honestly, I think you’re overthinking this.

@Zaku If you lost your shoes, wouldn’t you replace them?
I did not detect “immediate unrelenting consequences”. The OP did the right think. They were ok with that and getting a pair of shoes because she was unaware someone had them.
This is a reference to peer pressure and not school rule pressure. perhaps you read the question differently

Not if I thought probably my friend had taken them home with her, but I just hadn’t heard from her yet. I’d hope my school would let me wear other shoes (I already had that were close but not identical to code) for what time it takes to find that out, or even for a day or three if it turns out they were actually lost and I need to get them replaced. I don’t think the child should be held responsible for being able to immediately replace a pair of shoes, when it’s probably going to involve needing to get adults to go on a sudden shoe-shopping trip. If the parents can’t or won’t respond immediately to go shopping after school, or if they do but the store doesn’t have her size in stock, evidently the system would punish the child no matter why they don’t show up with the correct shoes? If so, THAT is inappropriately misplaced responsibility and inappropriate consequences, and is the fault of the policy.

The problem, it seems to me, is the part of the code that has this student afraid of “getting written up” for appearing at school in the wrong shoes (and of course the part that has the whole rest of the class ganging up on her for trying to comply).

@Zaku Yes, most schools would allow you to if you went in and told your situation prior to getting dress coded. The OP decided to buy shoes. That is not the question here. I made sure my children had multiple pairs that met dress code. Misplacing shoes happens quite often, especially for children. The OP made what they felt was their responsible choice and not being pressured. Sounds like the OP had supportive parents to help them get another pair. The parent has to also sign off on dress code at the beginning of each school year so are also responsible to meet help their child meet it.
I think you are jumping to a conclusion on stores not having sizes and school punishment. This is not the reason that schools have these codes. My children were actually happy they had a dress code as it makes their life easier to dress in the morning and there is not consideration on what other children tell them about their clothing.
The code is also helping to teach children about responsibility. Responsibility to meet a code they agreed to and responsibility to be able to discuss any issues with administration.
I strongly disagree that children that are in these institutions are coming from a point of fear. They are coming from a point of respect.
Workplaces have dress codes as well. If a child never learned to be respectful of rules as simple as this, then they will have a quandary later in life.
I lived this as a child as well. It would be interesting to know if your point of view has come from any experiences of being under a dress code in school.

“I think you are jumping to a conclusion on stores not having sizes and school punishment.”
– It doesn’t matter. It’s still misplaced responsibility.

“The code is also helping to teach children about responsibility.”
– This is teaching some of us about misplaced responsibility, and rules given inappropriate levels of importance, and how they can poison relationships.

“Workplaces have dress codes as well.”
– Some of us learn to seek out other types of work relationships, as well.

“I lived this as a child as well. It would be interesting to know if your point of view has come from any experiences of being under a dress code in school.”
– Only “no jeans except on casual day” sorts of things, and being required to wear shorts for PE after lower school, and at one point, I think the school considered outlawing Izod shirts because it was related to a nasty atmosphere in 7th grade. The school was an excellent private school and it taught us about responsibility but also about critical thinking, happiness, and choosing our goals and definitions of success, and tolerating wrong-minded authority or not, including, sometimes, a school’s misguided ideas.

And see my note above about appreciating that school uniforms themselves might be a good thing, but unforgiving or harsh rules and attitudes about them is a problem. It is at least an opportunity to learn about authority issues etc.

@Zaku I appreciate your points. I still don’t see in the OP that there was reference to “unforgiving or harsh rules” as you imply. I also don’t feel this is a case of “misplaced responsibility”. My feelings were clearly stated that it reads like a case or being responsible to the school and rules.
The friends were provoking well after the responsible act of the OP did what they needed to do without commenting that it was any issue.
This appears is where I respectfully disagree with your points.

Schools with dress codes often have harsh penalties for violating the dress code, anything from detention to the student getting a reprimand in front of other kids by some bitchy administrator. Add to that the gossip and mocking from other students. I can imagine for the student, it will invoke fear as they will be intimidated and possibly humiliated. This is why my daughter will never attend a private school with a dress code. I understand the dress codes can take the burden from the parents as far as what to wear and fancy clothes, etc. but to me, in a case as with the OP, it’s just one more thing to cause anxiety.

People are wrong all of the time. :)