How would you handle this dilemma about two parties on one night?

Depends on specifics of relationships etc., but I would tell the truth (but no need to over-share things like you prefer another party to the first party people, but I would likely tell the second party people about the prior commitment) because lying would add needless bad energy for no good reason.

I’d try to go to both parties if workable and I and my daughter wanted to go to both.

I’d probably also give the daughter a say in what we do, and even preference to her wishes, possibly letting her go only to the party with her friends and skip the first party if that’s what she prefers.

I’d try to attend both, using the solution you posted above. But be honest, tell both parties what happened, and go from there. If you are tight with these people then hopefully, they will understand and not get all butt hurt.

Tell the truth. “Hey, I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it after all. So sorry! Hope maybe we can meet sometime soon.” Since you’re not that close, and this was not some sort of party in your honor, there’s no (or there shouldn’t be any) big deal if you don’t attend.

Could another friend bring your daughter and her friends to the local party, you go to the further party for a bit and then come to the local and bring them home?

Or what @bob_ said, just a simple “Sorry I can’t make it this year” statement.

Defo what @bob_ said.

“I’m sorry but when I accepted your invitation, i didn’t realize it was the same night as a previous engagement I had already committed to.”

You might say, “but what if he assumes the other thing is more important to me than his thing?”, well, yes, that’s exactly the case, and it happens, and if he gets all bitchy about it, he’s a nutjob and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, so you really shouldn’t go to his party.

Possible to attend both but differnt times.
Possible daughter and you and friends earlier and other oarty later.

I go with Chyna. I’d go with what I said but @chyna said it first. As usual.
I also agree that the less said the better.
Or….just tell them you have Covid.

What @bob_ said. This stuff happens, and you don’t owe anyone reasons, excuses, or justifications. Be gracious, thank him again for the invite, wish them happy holidays, and all that.

My friend used to break dinner dates with me now and then by saying “Something has come up, and I won’t be able to make it.” I knew that usually meant she had a (romantic) date. It bothered me, but not a whole lot.

I was glad, actually, that she didn’t tell me who and what she was breaking our dinner date for. That way I could imagine it was something really special that had come up.

If I had been planning a large gathering at my home and not meeting her for a one-on-one dinner in a restaurant, I don’t think I’d have minded at all.

So I think I would just basically do that—“I’m sorry, it turns out I can’t make it.” Maybe I’d cross my fingers and add something like “Conflict with my daughter’s plans.” I would definitely not go into any detail.

You just realized there is a conflict that involves your family. I don’t make easy things hard.

I wouldn’t delay telling your friend something has come up and you won’t make it. I would let him know you are disappointed, which is the truth, and you could add that you would like to meet up on some other occasion. I wouldn’t attempt to attend both parties that would just be stressful. Saying “something has come up” is not a lie it is simply being tactful which I think most people understand.

I wouldn’t lie about it. People understand this is the party season.

Also, I would give priority to the one who called you. They reached out.

@filmfann: One is a community party here in the complex where I live, so they post a flyer and you RSVP.

Do the parties start at the same time? If I was going to do both I’d rather end at the party close to my house, but the timing might not work well. I’ve done two parties in one night more than once. I was honest when I left the first party early and said I had another party on the same night.

It sounds like you prefer to just go to the local party. I think it’s fine to let him know you won’t be able to make it after all. I don’t think you need to explain why, but if you feel you must, you can use your daughter as an excuse and say another party will have all of her friends and you don’t want her to have to miss it. That’s basically true. I’d rather not bother with an explanation though.

Everyone plans parties in December, and the consequence is not everyone can go to everything. That’s what happens when someone plans a December party, they a have to realize they are competing with other holiday parties.

I wouldn’t wait until the last minute, it’s more disappointing for the host. If it’s a small party and people don’t show up at the last minute the host might have way too much food, and the party might feel less festive, because not a lot of people are there. If they know in advance they can make adjustments.

I typically will try to do both.
If not, I respectfully decline. I don’t always feel I have to tell the reason why unless it is a really close friend.

@Forever_Free The problem is that she said yes to one already but mainly wants to go to the other.

Honesty is the best policy. I recall my teenage daughter being in this same predicament in High School. I advised her to talk to the person she made the original commitment to.
The person was fine with it and respected my daughters dilemma. She acyually helped my daughter work through it and became better friends because of it.