How do the past versions of yourself compare to who you are right now?

Poorly, and bleak.
I’m now in a pretty good balance.
I never was before.

I used to be fun and happy. Now I am a depressed slug.

Young and beautiful. The world at my feet.

Now I live in a wrecked house with no hot water.

You are not a slug @anniereborn. ♡♡♡♡

I’m not the same person. I don’t look the same at all. Me at 5, 12, 18, 30, and now at 50 honestly look like five different people.

All the threads of my personality are the same though, just in varying degrees. Creative, love to learn new things, love dogs. CHECK. Perfectionist, self-loathing, angry, over-achiever. Also CHECK.

Those have always been there.

In feel I am essentially the same person I have always been, just older. And not ready to go to a bar with buds and get into a fight at the drop of a hat. Now if I could just convince my wife of that lol! At my age, I don’t need to have some ass munches hit me with a pool cue. All fun and games, but a younger man’s fun and games.

Damn it sucks getting old. Yawn, I need a nap.

@rebbel Did you feel out of balance as a kid?

@anniereborn Though is it that you’re the same person reacting to different parts of your life? [squishy hugs]

@Dutchess_III How much does how we look affect who we are at the core?

@cookieman Yes! The threads of your personality. Would the people who knew you at 5, 12, 18, 30, and 50 recognize you in a dark room?

@Nomore_lockout I’m guessing that you meant that your wife still thinks you’re that person. Though I initially read it as your wife goes to bars with buds and gets into fights at a drop of a hat. :P

@raum, I kept telling myself, as I grew, to focus on the inner me because the outer me was going to fade.
I’d like to say it didn’t affect me at the core, but it did. I got way too much “positive” attention based on my looks. It’s kind of hard now that it’s pretty much “gone”.

@raum LOL No, she just has a long memory, used to tell me that me and the buds always got belligerent out clubbing. Not true, says I. Well. maybe. But that was a long time ago. And she ran off all of my “Assholes” long ago as well.

@raum Well that could be I guess. Also my mental illnesses started to affect me greatly in my early 20s. So, there’s that.

@raum: Not by sight. If I spoke a bit, maybe.

I was much happier when I was young and dumb, and I was so incredibly eager to learn everything. Knowledge is power, but it’s also very disturbing and often disappointing.

For lots of reasons the teen J. was a crazy storm of sexual, emotional, and spiritual energy – and I know I harmed myself and others too.

I think I’m better now & at least a little wiser (sorrier ), but still no role model for anyone. Sometimes I think maybe it was all necessary in order to understand anything about myself at all, but not the sort of lessons I want to repeat.

The surprising thing is that so far none of the damage shows on the outside. If it did I’d look like a monster.

@JLoon Dorian Grey reference! Love it.

@KNOWITALL – Ha! Yeah the clock on my body seems to have stopped when I was 19, and if it ever catches up it won’t be pretty.

But inside my head the years have already worn off the sparkle. Just how my game goes…

When I was younger, I was more restless and used to go out every day. Now I’m happy to stay home. I used to shop a lot. Now, I’m trying not to shop at all, or a minimum, unless there’s an occasion.

I think I am more of an introvert, although you’d never guess it if you saw me in person. I was always inquisitive, and now with the internet, which wasn’t around when I was younger, being inquisitive is easier. I was always nice, and have always been described by others as nice. I’m not a pushover, but I am diplomatic and polite most of the time, unless there’s some bullshit going on.

I think I always had a problem with self esteem. Now, I live in a very affluent area, one of the most affluent areas of the country (horse country where daughters of famous people compete with horse jumping on an Olympic level and other famous daughters have huge, world famous weddings), but I am not affluent, so there’s the esteem issue again. I’m far from poor but I’m definitely far from affluent.

Yeah Man. As I get ready for bed at 9:00 I marvel over the fact that when I was a teen we were getting ready to go out at 9 pm!

@Dutchess_III Yeah, I’ve noticed that my friends that fell at either end of “too good-looking” and “not traditionally good-looking” have a much harder time. I appreciate just falling in the middle.

Actually, I think I must look super generic or something. Because I always have people coming up to me and remarking that I look familiar. Not hitting on me. I also get this from old ladies. (I am assuming the little old ladies aren’t hitting on me. Ha.)

@Nomore_lockout Okay. Now I’m imagining her literally running them off with a broom like in the cartoons.

@anniereborn Oh yes. That’s also true. Your twenties are rough for mental health. It’s funny when people reminisce about their 20’s. I would not want to repeat mine. Glad you made it through to the other side. [Fellow slug hug.]

@cookieboy @cookieteen @cookieman The sound of a cookie crunching? :D

@KNOWITALL So very true. Wonder if our younger selves would still be in such a rush if they knew how heavy that knowledge can be.

@JLoon It’s interesting. How we hold that energy hurling towards all of that. And how we hold it once we get through it.

@jca2 People are often surprised that I’m an introvert too. There’s a funny misconception that all introverts are shy and quiet. I think the term is gregarious introvert? :)

I have a friend I met in Realtor class. We hit it off right away. Class was a week long.
I haven’t seen her since but we’re FB f rounds.
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to her that I was an introvert.
Thought she was gonna bust a gut laughing!
“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING??? I AM AN INTROVERT!!!”

@raum: Yes, and the crumbs gently falling to the ground. Only real difference is there may also be sobbing at certain points in history.

@raum My mom said I woke up crying when I was around 5 or 6 and she asked me why, and I said there are so many sad people in the world. No idea if it was a dream or what, but I still kind of feel that way. Life can be very heavy.

@raum My 30s were my best years. I’d go back in a heartbeat!

@raum No, Beth didn’t need a broom lol. She just made it plain that they were finished “taking her man out” to get drunk and get in fights, so it all came to a screeching halt. Despite them kissing her ass and calling her Miss Beth, didn’t impress her. I guess the night I got home at 2 30 AM with my face jacked up, and no clue how it happened because I was so out of it. LOL Oh well, life happens, and all good things must come to an end. But at least she admits I have always been good to her, and never got mean to her even if I was polluted. Said I just acted like an idiot, and would end up in jail or a hospital. Probably true.