How do you view eye contact? Is it important to you?

Over-rated social skill.
And rather ableist.

Look at me while we are talking to each other. Period.

@SnipSnip You wouldn’t enjoy conversations with me then! I understand that that is the old-fashioned mindset people still have, my solution is to end the conversation if it gets brought up that I am not looking someone in the eye lol.

May I ask why that is important to you?

It’s really unfortunate that some view lack of eye contact as rude, missing out on many of the sweetest and most sensitive human beings. I usually just figure the person is uncomfortable in (some) social situations. I don’t get offended at all, though I’m very sensitive to being spoken to while the other person’s eyes are on a screen. That, I can’t stand. If you’re just looking at your feet or something, I’m fine with it.

Eye contact is not generally difficult for me (anymore), but it certainly can be uncomfortable with strangers. There’s also not much of a point for just making small talk. With deep (emotional) conversations, much of what is communicated will be nonverbal, so eye contact is not just about manners. Looking at a loved one’s face when they’re telling you about a scary experience, for instance, is a kind thing to do. It will deepen your bond, though touch and tone can be workarounds when eye contact is just too difficult.

I’m sorry your family holds this belief. If it’s any comfort, the amount of eye contact most people enjoy is probably much less than you (or they) think. And plus, people can’t tell if you’re looking in their eyes, or just at their eyes/forehead. If you’re ever in situations where you want to practise eye contact because it’s important to you, try studying the colour of people’s irises. Eyes are beautiful, and having that type of scientific curiosity might make the experience less stressful. I worked at a grocery store for a few months once, and I used the tedious job as eye contact practice by counting the different eye colours I saw through the day. Eye contact with strangers became less stressful after playing this game with myself.

If someone doesn’t use eye contact when they communicate with me, I notice it and observe the rest of their affect to get a sense of why they are not making eye contact, but I will generally be kind and generous in the way I am toward people who struggle with it.

However, it is an entire channel of interpersonal communication, and I also use/enjoy/benefit from it when it is available. It can make a vast difference in how people relate to and understand each other. So while it’s not obligatory, people who struggle with it are missing out on a lot of potential communication and understanding.

You only need to make eye contact briefly, it’s not constant. When you first meet someone and say hello or shake hands it’s very important. Also, as you’re talking periodically if you look at the person you’re talking to that’s good too, it doesn’t have to be a constant stare.

I don’t usually have a problem looking at people when I talk to them.

Up until my 40–50’s, I was so uncomfortable with eye contact that when I was sitting in a car at a red light, I’d fidget and squirm and keep my eyes straight ahead for fear of someone making eye contact with me. I felt like people could see into me, see how worthless and ugly and unlovable I really was. It took time and a lot of therapy, but now I can hold my head up and go eye-to-eye with the best of them. I just needed to feel better about who I was and stop believing bullshit I’d been told – verbally or not.

Whatever causes your discomfort, I suspect you’ll grow out of it. Until then, @longgone has great tips.

I never think about my eye contact unless I’m singing harmonies with someone, talking to my daughter after she has done something wrong, or trying to win a staring contest.

Eye contact is grossly overrated. Certainly, some is needed in any face-to-face conversation, but it should be brief and sporadic. Look someone in the eye, then drop your gaze or look elsewhere, then go back to the contact.

It’s unnatural to drill a person with nonstop eye contact, and doing so is creepy and unsettling. Anyone who tells you to do that is giving very bad advice.

@Love_my_doggie I don’t think it’s over-rated at all, but I don’t think anyone is promoting non-stop eye contact, even the OPs parents. They’re simply saying some eye contact is a positive thing, which you agree with.

Yeah I don’t even like brief eye contact

Eye contact, to my mind is one of those gimmicks you relegate to the quivers of salesmen and hucksters. To judge the habit as a proper gauge of character or integrity is stupid beyond tolerable acceptability. Anyone who regards eye contact as somehow equal or more relevant than the force of words is unworthy of the effort of conversation to begin with.

Looking down all the time can be because the person is shy, or in some cultures subservience. Also, it can imply the person is lying if they are speaking.

In the US, looking someone in the eye, especially when you are first meeting them, conveys being glad to meet them, or see them, and also conveys confidence and equality and respect. It’s good to practice it so you can achieve some minimal eye contact. It really does not have to be nor should it be a constant stare.

I don’t care.

It’s pretty important to me, they usually tell me alot. Shy eyes are so sweet though, you can tell the difference.
I’d love to see you in an interview style video for impressions. :)

I did a little study for myself when I was in the Navy and would go to bars. It involved eye contact. You can do it anywhere, but the bar was just a convenient spot where people are more stationary as opposed to somewhere like a grocery store (though it works there too). I am a guy. So just randomly looking around, if I made eye-contact with someone I would purposely not look away…not break the tie. It could be across the room or at the next table…it didn’t matter. I found two reactions. If I made contact with a woman, she would immediately look away. But then would glance back a couple times to see if I was still looking. If I made contact with a guy, he would look away immediately, but then would snap back to the eye contact. He would invariable look irritated like looking away made him somehow less of a guy.

It made me understand that many people are uncomfortable with eye contact. It made me realize women viewed it as an attraction thing. Guys would take it as a personal challenge.

@seawulf575 Ummm. . . I think you put too much stock in the reactions from women. Yes, it could be an attraction thing, but it could also be an, “Omg this guy is creeping me out. He won’t stop staring!” comment to her friend. So much depends on her personality, life experiences, etc. Way too much generalization there. I can’t speak for men.

When I was 16 or so I started avoiding eye contact, mainly with men. It’s a habit that has carried on even though the reason for it has passed.

It depends on the person. Many cultures are different. In Asian cultures, direct eye contact is rude. In white/european cultures, refusal to make eye contact is impolite or suspicious- indication of deception.
In some hispanic cultures, eye contact is expected between men, but women must “know their place” and should not try to make eye contact with a man. (Very old fashioned)

We also live in an era where we are more aware of social anxieties and disorders. Some people even have physical issues like a lazy eye, and their are people born with developmental disorders such as autism in which eye contact is almost impossible.

A person’s comfort level with direct eye-contact can tell you a lot about them based on the above examples.