If you found out a friend was casually racist, would you talk to them about it, or simply not talk to them again?

I would talk to them about it, yes. Not being verbose or confrontational or anything, just a little “That was a bit racist right now, don’t you think?”

I’d talk to her and ask her that very question, but only if you’re prepared for that conversation.
Also realize that since that was a family conversation, likely her parents have raised her that way.

Here’s a link for biblical references that are NOT about racial differences, but some sects take it further to a different interpretation.

https://www.christianbiblereference.org/faq_interracialMarriage.htm

No. I’m not a therapist and it’s not my job to try to change someone who’s not my minor child.

If I were considering ending the friendship over this, then I’d have nothing to lose by confronting them about it and asking them to explain the rationale behind their prejudices. I’m an argumentative person by default (surprise, surprise) so I would’ve confronted her right then, right there and if the friendship ended as a result, so be it.

Opposition to interracial marriage on Biblical grounds is flimsy at best. While some prejudices can be supported by using the Bible (though there’s always room for debate), racism is especially difficult to support and most of the arguments (“curse of Ham” or what have you) are fairly easily refuted. I’d be more disturbed that people still hold pre-Civil Rights views on marriage in this day and age (and wonder how common such views are in this country).

@KNOWITALL Good link. Thank you.

I usually have one hard conversation with them.
Afterwards, in future conversations, I may make soft pokes echoing the absurdity of their position.

I regards to these things, I sometimes hear the phrase “I am not my brother’s keeper”, as a justification as to why one offers no pushback against social failings.

1. The guy who originally said this was Cain, the world’s first murderer in christian mythology.
2. There is another saying: “It takes a village to raise a child.”

I think if it were a situation like you described (and this was a good friend), I’d try to find out more. My hope would be that she meant it’s “good” because maybe the baby will grow up in a place where there’s a lot of police brutality, or whatever. I could, of course, not be friends with someone who thinks it’s somehow morally superior to be or look white. I mean, at that point all hope is lost. But I would maybe send a last text message saying something like “I was upset by your racist remarks.” rather than ghosting her.

Before throwing the label “racist” at her which would probably be counter productive if there is value to you in the relationship, I think I would have a quiet conversation with her. You might start by saying you were surprised by the reaction at the dinner table and are wondering why she was so pleased that the baby was white. As longgone just wrote, she may think being white is easier in this society, which it clearly is. Anyway, more information will make it easier to decide what course of action you want to take. You can always end the friendship but maybe find out more before.

@ragingloli, excellent points. Please do note, though that the story of Cain and Abel is in the Old Testament; specifically, Genesis. It’s Hebrew mythology, not Christian. The Bible is not a Christian document.

I agree. If you get along well otherwise I’d “casually” bring it up. Might open her eyes.

@Jeruba not everyone thinks the Bible is mythology.

I too would pause before concluding either your friend or her brother racist. If you think about it, their thinking coincides
exactly with the world as it is. After all, the baby is indeed fortunate to be born white and along with its parents would inevitably and most assuredly pay the requisite price for being
otherwise. It should be no secret that the deck is stacked against the kid, and the remedy to this will not arrive until there is no stigma to admitting it in public.

@chyna, I’m not speaking for them or anyone but myself, regarding my own knowledge and opinion. However, I would not expect much disagreement with the statement that the Bible is not a Christian document. I am startled all over again every time I see a reference to “the Christian Bible.” The Old Testament predates the birth of Christ (which, is remember, how the New Testament begins); Christians as such aren’t mentioned in the Bible.

Also, “myth” does not mean misbegotten beliefs, no matter how ignorantly the term is used in popular media. A myth has certain distinguishing properties but is not necessarily and by definition false.

As her friend is black and his wife is white it would seem inevitable they would have a mixed race baby. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, the comment was foolish and may possibly have been made out of jealousy.

Neither. If it ever came up in conversation I would pretend to not hear it. If asked about how I felt about it, then I would let my view be known.

@rockfan I don’t think having black or asian friends automatically qualifies someone as a non-racist. That person could be secretly harboring racist sentiments. Sometimes the hidden truth could come out of one’s mouth unintentionally.

I might ask what they meant by the comment, or I might ignore it and wait for another bad sign that they are racist. Asking if the baby looks white isn’t necessarily racist in my opinion, but the comment afterwards about taking the risk is off-putting to me.

I wouldn’t let one comment after knowing someone a long time and seeing they have diverse friends cause me to conclude they are racist. They might have said something insensitive, ignorant, or even racist, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t learn why that’s offensive and grow.

Why does one bad comment cancel out everything else? People sometimes say stupid things. People can get better.

Considering the color of the baby doesn’t necessarily mean they care what color the baby is, it can mean they worry about how society will treat the baby or the baby’s mother. Although, I do think just that type of conversation keeps the idea that it’s a problem ongoing, and we need to stop those ideas from even being put out into the world.

<— Christian here.

@rockfan I’d like to see the scripture that says that you cannot marry outside of your race. I don’t think that’s in the Bible anywhere. If it is, my family has really blown it! One twin married a half Japanese half Italian man, and the other twin married a black man from Africa. Although they both married out side of their race, they did not marry outside of their religion.

The New Testament does say however that we who believe should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers:

14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? 2 Corinthians 6:14–15

So regarding marriage, that means a Christian should not marry an unbeliever, but there is no restriction as to interracial marriage.

Likewise there are numerous places in the Old Testament the Israelites are cautioned not to intermarry with people of other religions.

Racism has no place in a church or anywhere else.

@rockfan Neiter. Not your business.

@si3tech

Not exactly a thoughtful response….

You’ll know when the time is right to bring it up. Just like “Why did you say that?”

Aren’t blacks and white (and everyone else) all humans? Would the child not be a child of God because someone didn’t like mixing races? Racism baffles me. If I were to say anything in a situation like that, it would be to question why they believed one race was better or worse than another.

I would most definately talk to her about it. She may not even be aware that she’s being racist.

Planning on talking to her tomorrow afternoon. I’m not sure whether I should chat over text or over the phone. Texting allows me to say everything I want in a concise and direct manner, but on the phone I may get too emotional.

Definitely by phone. You can’t tell tone or feelings by text.

By phone or in person. Texting can easily be misconstrued.

@rockfan Best of luck. I’d probably text, too.

Complicity is the same as acceptance. Not speaking against racism is as harmful as being racist yourself.
Depending on the person, they may be racist out of hate, or ignorance- as in they may actually be clueless that what they are saying is offensive and wrong, they may harbor no ill feelings about other races at all. Talk to them and find out- (the difference is if they are clueless but willing to learn and change, then they were simply ignorant. If they insist that they have done nothing wrong and their views are correct, then it is hate.)

If they are racist due to hate, then you should end the friendship.

“The only thing necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.”

When you are friends with a racist, you are saying that you accept their racism, that you are fine with it, and you encourage racism to grow.
Racists always have other toxic traits as well and are not worth being friends with. Do not mistake knowing them for a long time as being a quality friendship.

How did this turn out @Rockfan?