What are some of the most ridiculous disclaimers that you’ve seen?
Asked by
raum (
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)
February 7th, 2022
from iPhone
Was chatting with @SEKA about the disclaimer on microwave popcorn. And it made me wonder what other silly disclaimers you’ve read?
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40 Answers
Frank Zappa stuck this warning/guarantee on one of his records released in 1985:
The language and concepts contained herein are GUARANTEED NOT TO CAUSE ETERNAL TORMENT IN THE PLACE WHERE THE GUY WITH THE HORNS AND POINTED STICK CONDUCTS HIS BUSINESS.
This guarantee is as real as the threats of the video fundamentalists who use attacks on rock music in their attempt to transform America into a nation of check-mailing nincompoops (in the name of Jesus Christ). If there is a hell, its fires wait for them, not us.
My favorite was a correction in the front of a book on sky diving:
“On page 24, instead of “State zip code” it should read “Pull ripcord”!
Another was on washing instructions in the seam of a garment:
“For best results, wash in cool water and dry on low setting. For not so good results, tie to the back bumper of your car and drag through mud puddles.”
@flutherother I appreciate that it’s both a warning and a guarantee.
@janbb Ha! What kind of garment was it?
^^ I don’t remember. I might have even read it somewhere rather than actually have seen it.
On a baby pool “No Diving.”
Label on dress shirts that state to not iron while wearing the article of clothing.
I have a feeling those disclaimers are brought about by real life idiots.
May Contain Nuts on a jar of nuts.
I always find it kind of funny the things that get labeled “Gluten-Free”. Like, seeing “Gluten-Free” on a bag of spinach; really, I thought there was wheat gluten in all leafy green vegetables…
“may contain traces of nuts”.
On a package of nuts.
Bottled water contains less than 0% fat.
Ooh – I got one. It was not to use the vacuum cleaner when naked. I feel there’s definitely a story behind that one!
^ That’s very disturbing, in a funny kind of way.
Bag of salad – - -Gluten Free !
On a hair dryer or curling iron: “Do not use while submerged”
BEWARE: Coffee may be hot!!!
Yes, I know why this was added & it goes to show that we often have to protect people from themselves.
@LadyMarissa That McDonalds coffee lawsuit is quite interesting and has taken on a life of its own. The elderly woman only wanted her medical bills paid ($20K) and McDonalds balked at it. The judge set a precedent and warning to big firms that spiraled into all ths.
Signs on sidewalks where the sidewalk ends in a fence or ditch, and the sign says “END OF SIDEWALK.”
I said NOTHING about the seriousness of the injuries nor the merits of the case. IF you go to the original discussion @SEKA had commented that the disclaimers are to cover the corporate ass of the seller. As a matter of fact, she mentioned not to sleep with a running hairdryer & to not feed your fingers to the animals. I don’t know IF it’s just a Southern thing; but we have a lot of petting zoos in my part of the south & they ALL have signs posted every 5 feet or so reading “Don’t feed fingers to the animals.” I hear tourists laughing at the signs & then watch them cup their hand as they pour the pet food into the palm of their hand thereby leaving ALL their fingers exposed to the teeth of the animal when they reach in to eat the food. Invariably a finger is at risk!!!
IF you look at the disclaimer on a space heater, it warns of the possibility of a fire while using the heater. Once again corporations are warning you to use some common sense while covering their legal liability to the consumer!!!
“Let’s kill all the lawyers”
“Not a food product” on my corn-based cat litter.
On Tampax brand website: “Tampons do not take your virginity. The first time you have sex will still be the first time you have sex.”
@chyna I don’t see that as an invalid disclaimer. A number of young women have believed that.
Ah! True! It is NOT invalid. However, it is funny!
Were we just smarter as kids?
This isn’t a disclaimer but I just read it on a menu and think it’s pretty funny:
“Tea by Art of Tea
Please ask your server to see our selection!”
Since we’re off track, my husband brought a box of Jiffy corn bread mix to me. It was labeled “Vegetarian corn bread mix.” I just burst out laughing.
@Dutchess_III
I bet that cornbread would go great with some vegan water! :p
Sliced ham + + + “Gluten Free”
@janbb
Yes, it’s so much better than what one gets from squeezin’ a cheeseburger!
Candy that says “gluten free.” They think we’re idiots. Maybe we are.
@Dutchess_III There’s actually gluten in a bunch of candy. :/
Mambas, Reese’s peanut butter holiday shapes, some gummy bears…
I’ve heard that mayo counteracts most of the gluten in candy. :p
Lately I have been noticing warnings on cups of MackyDs “Senior” coffees: Warning, contents extremely hot! Well no shit Sherlock! If I wanted ice coffee I’d be at Starbucks.
@Tropical_Willie
NOT a serious assertion, which is why I ended my quip with a :p
It was a concoction based on @raum‘s “love” of mayo.
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