What would you say if this happened to you in an elevator?

Sorry I have I.B.S.

“Oooh, yeaaahhh!”
Breathe now! Embrace the powerful tacos!

Don’t worry, only aerosols from the mouth are infectious.
Plus, as a precaution, I wear masks around all my exits.

Excuse me

I’m old. I have gas. Deal with it.

You will already have said all that is necessary.

Easy – point to the youngest person and say “It was him”.

I would say nothing for a few seconds and then, very quietly, say, “Beans”.

A co-worker used to say “Breathe through your mouth. They taste better than they smell!”

“Nothing to worry about, folks. The noisy ones don’t stink.”

Nothing. Everybody farts, nothing to be ashamed of.

“OOOOKLAHOMA! Where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plains,
And the wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet,
When the wind comes right behind the rain!!”

Lets dance now.

“That wasn’t me.”

“I bet you anti-maskers are sorry now!”

I’m pretty sure I’d hit the button for the next floor and get out, stating “Excuse me” just before I vacated. Then I’d stalk out with as haughty a manner as possible.

Please let’s be on a hypothetical elevator that isn’t carrying my boss.

I didn’t hear anything.

I’d look down at my feet, shuffle them a bit and say, “Damn new shoes!”

If you must speak, simply say excuse me.