Why do you think controlling people are the way they are?

For me, #2. Many GenX are this way.

@KNOWITALL but why that particular age group, do you think? I’m in that group, and I certainly feel that way at least some of the time, but I thought it was just a product of my particular situation.

Because they are unhappy. And they can’t stand to see other people being happy! (Misery LOVES company!)

@kritiper yes, I do think this is definitely true at least some of the time, but not always. Some people seem to “get high” off of having power over others, for instance. And I didn’t bring up the whole gender thing because I certainly know men who are not like this, but there are some men at my job is see women as someone who should jump whenever they say.

Fear of losing their partner/friend. However controlling is the opposite to keep them.

@RedDeerGuy1 so you think people are controlling because otherwise they might lose someone important in their life, but isn’t the one person being overly controlling more likely to drive that person away?

@Lonelyheart807 Yes. Exactly. Fear is self defeating emotion. Causes what one fears to become true.

Insecurities. They couldn’t control so many things as children.
It’s also a learned behavior.

Fear.

I think all of your listed reasons (and more) can be true. I am more in line with No. 2 as @KNOWITALL stated. There are many pieces written on why Gen X folks are more like this, but others are too.

In my case, I had an emotional time bomb of a mother who, for the first ten years of my life was around all the time but wholly unpredictable and not very nurturing. Then, when I was ten, I became a latch key kid and was left almost entirely on my own for hours on end.

You learn that the only way to feel in control is to take control. To do it yourself because you had few options.

I don’t control people though, but situations. Doing everything myself because I don’t trust others to do it.

Rick is controlling. I’ve learned to blow it off, but I’ve shut him down hard A couple of times.
He’s also passive aggressive .

Most of the time they do a control thing is because they are power hungry.

People are controlling sometimes because though they mean well, they assume others need controlling to be effective in achieving a common objective. That approach
is wrong. The right approach involves good leadership skills.

Rick’s dad was uber controlling too. In his case it’s mostly learned on his part.

Combination of personality and experience.

@cookieman The happiest I’ve ever been as an adult was in a relationship wherein I could relax and let my partner have control. Sad.

When you think about it, it only makes sense. All that’s required is the trauma accompanying exposure to traumatic things beyond your control. There are always stresses to living, but if I were in the age group of gen xrs, I’m pretty sure I’d be clinically psychotic. If you have the experience of growing up in better days only to discover that now that it’s your turn to build your life and everywhere you look, the landscape has turned to shit, control of your environment and all who MIGHT wreck it is only prudent.

@KNOWITALL: I dream of ever having that relationship. My fantasy is to go to someone’s house, they say, “Go take a nap. I got this.” Then I wake up and “everything” is “handled” and there’s chicken soup waiting for me.

Silly, I know.

@HP It was probably more Mommy Dearest than I’ll ever admit but so many of my friends parents were the same way. Fun but not really parent material.

@cookieman Not silly at all. Let’s run away on vacation, we reliable ones could maybe relax together! :)
Our credit cards will always work at least haha!!

Some of it has to do with personal background. And not always bad. My dad was like that but he was a lifer military guy, WWII Korean Conflict the whole shmoe. They get accustomed to giving orders and they can’t change their ingrained ways..But he gave me some great guidance. I might be rotting in jail if not for some life lessons I learned from him. I guess what I’m saying is it isn’t always negative or abusive.

@Lonelyheart807 Some people must enjoy being total jerks because I’ve know a few. That might cover all others.

Ok. Starting rumors about @KNOWITALL and @cookieman

I heard @KNOWITALL is preggers!

I’ll be ding danged! She’s in a family way? Well may I be the first to offer my congrads? Dang stork just done flew over!

Serious answer.

It’s a maladaptive coping mechanism to anxiety. The person believes they can control something to remove the anxiety causing uncertainty.

@Dutchess_III Haha! You’re the only jelly I’ve actually met though. :)

Depends as controlling ones life and direction is sought after as long as its responsible behaviour.
When controlling others without them asking for advice etc then that is oppressive to anyone.

Depends on the environment of growing up in as well such as a Military father/mother.

an older parent still displaying old views of relationships ( ex: male expected to rule the household etc ( 1950’s and earlier).

Irresponsible parents : too lenient ( hippie dippy) or too strict.( result of childhood traumas).

People who will not take responsibility of there own lives and become dependant on others to direct them in life more so.( result of illness,loss of job, education, physical ).

It took me a long time to just say NO in our family with a old fashioned father and mother relationship where dominance and passive parents united.

married too young with a partner who was also controlled ( one child family) too much of his life and he DID end up controlling every aspect of my life and my children’s lives to our detriment.

Also it was 1967 when women could not have there own bank account and women were suppressed into submission by society then..much different then it is now..as it seemed natural then.

No wonder women“s liberation occurred and thank GOD that it did!

Now I control “MY” own life and determine choices that are compatible for me and NO other.

I have planned goals to implement without interference from others and I am determined to finish obtaining them.

On another note of observation:
I had two cousins that had grown up in a Military family environment and in both cases the father was extremely strict and the mother put up with it ( passive).
The result: one child went directly into the Military as his father did but fortunately he treated his wife and children with understanding and more comappion than his father , so he learned from observing what behaviours and results gave bad outcomes and avoided that in himself.

The other case: a female daughter of Military man who also was hard handed and his wife was passive/submissive .
That pretty girl would not be recognized later, as she acted out and did the very opposite of her Military lifestyle,
she became and lived as a Biker chick , really rough looking and unexpexcted.
last I had heardd she was into drugs and gone downhill , misunderstood and most likely uneducated as she let the established way of life to live “free” but irresponsible.

correction typo: companion
unexpected

I believe the question wasn’t about a person just controlling their own lives, but controlling other people and their lives too.

Born that way.