Should we send her to college when she would have or earlier?

There’s a lot of maturing that has to go on during the adolescent years. I would probably hold off and send her at the age that others would be. Perhaps she could do a “gap year” of volunteering if she leaves high school early?

It isn’t going to get any cheaper. And if she’s ready, the sooner the better. The greatest threat often ignored concerning youth I believe is about the consequences of missed opportunities.

My granddaughter, and my son, both graduated a year early from public schools.
I vote hold off. Have her get a job for a while. Teach her about budgeting and household finances. Unless you expect the education system to do it.

@Dutchess_III A job for a year is a good idea too.

Would breaking her momentum make it hard to get back in the groove?

It feels good to do something you do well. She obviously does well with academics. So you want to take her out of that environment and put her in one that she may or may not thrive in? I think that’s a bigger risk than letting her go on at the pace she chooses. Guaranteed she is going to meet people in either setting who are less mature than she is.

What does she want to do?

In her place, I would definitely want to go on. I started college shortly after turning 17, and I don’t regret it.

I don’t know guys. When I look at the landscape, I don’t believe kids have the leisure to delay college. You could get away with it when we were kids, but those days are assuredly behind us. If she’s on the fast track academically, for God’s sake encourage her to proceed. There will be plenty to distract and derail her as it is.

I finished high school when I was 16 just a few weeks short of 17. I went to community college for a year and a half and then transferred as a sophomore to a university when I was 18. I think if I had gone away to university when I was barely 17 it might have been overwhelming for me, but it depends on the person. While attending community college I also was working about 25 hours a week. In retrospect it probably would have been better to transfer a little sooner.

Not sure that helps you decide. I am very glad I went to a large university in the end. I never thought I would like a big university, because I didn’t drink, and it was known as a big party school, and sports were never my thing, but I bought season football tickets and had so much fun, and I went to the midwest for school (I lived in the Wash DC metro area) and I had no idea what to expect, and the experience was great. There were majors I had never heard of, and I loved living in the dorms, and it was a wonderful experience.

My advise is stay in school as long as possible. In some high schools, you can continue taking classes and graduate with your own age group. In any case, no gap between schools would probably be best.

Have her attend a local community college, and have her take classes there. Then she could go on to the private school when she’s the right age for it.

Just to add, if she takes some classes in community college maybe she can assess whether she feels ready to go away to school the next semester or wants to wait a little longer. I don’t think going at 17 is too young if she feels socially comfortable. Children are their grade more than they are their age. We are who we socialize with for the most part. I was always the youngest in my grade, and of course I was doing what kids in my grade were doing.

Just a thought maybe you can consider enrolling her in an online college part-time till she is 18. I know about an online college that most prerequisites are to be just 16 years old. I can PM you if you want?

I’m bemused by the use of “have her” several times here. Doesn’t she have any say in the matter? You’re just going to have her do what you decide for her? I hope not.

For someone with a 3.8 GPA and qualified to graduate, having her get a job or go to a community college sounds like a disheartening blow to her self-esteem and sense of achievement—a punishment, not a reward. You let her go at her own speed to this point. Why hold her back now?

Ugh, sorry for a third post, my mind is sieve lately. My dad was 16 when he started college and my mom was 17. I think a lot of NY kids started college at 17 back in the 50’s and 60’s. My dad was in an accelerated program, which meant doing three years of school in two in middle school years, and so all of those kids were young when they graduated. My mom hated school and so she took extra classes to get out early, which is similar to what I did.

Also, in NY even when I was a kid the school cut off was to turn 5 by Dec 31st to start school in September, so lots of children started at age 4 and graduated at 17.

@Jeruba wrote: I’m bemused by the use of “have her” several times here. Doesn’t she have any say in the matter? You’re just going to have her do what you decide for her? I hope not.

Completely agreed. You haven’t told us really anything about her – how old is she? how old will she be if she graduates early? does she have a major in mind? how emotionally and socially mature is she? does she have close ties with you and her mother? will she be moving far from home to go to school or be close by?

If she has a major in mind, a volunteer position in that field would be great before starting college.

My niece graduated from high school at 16 & started college 2 weeks before her 17th birthday.Her mom & dad had pushed her hard to be ahead of all her friends. I didn’t think it was a good idea, but my brother told me to mind my own business…so I did. She started out doing well. Then somewhere in month 2 or 3 she attempted suicide. She didn’t succeed thank God, but she was in therapy for a long time after that. She graduated college at 19 & her bad days are not allowed to be mentioned.

Think long & hard before deciding. I don’t know your daughter so I have NO way of knowing how she will respond. I just think you should be sure she’s emotionally ready before sending her off to school.

One of my daughters hated high school and wanted to quit at the end of 10th grade. She was a high achiever. We talked to the high school counselor and all agreed there was no reason for my daughter not to go ahead and get a GED and start school at a community college. She did that and transferred to a major university after two years. She finished at university in three semesters and graduated. My daughter was very mature and think that is the decision you have to make. You know her better than anyone.

I graduated high school early and started university a couple of months before my 17th birthday. I was always the youngest. I graduated with an advanced engineering degree in 5 years instead of the usual 6.
In school I was not a troublemaker or one to get involved with alcohol or drugs. I did my homework and studied like I was supposed to and got great grades.
Accomplishing so much at an early age differentiated me from the rest of the crowd and enabled be to get a very nice job in a field I loved. Being young afforded opportunities that really paid off later in life.
I think of it like compound interest. Working / Investing early pays off big in later years.
When it came time for promotions I was the one with more experience. I was the young guy with the big resume.
If she is willing to go for it then let her!

Ask her. What does she want? There are pluses and minuses to every question. If she goes to college early, she gets a jump on a possible career. She’s already in the “school” frame of mind which includes studying and preparing for tests. If she takes time off to mature or to get a job, she could find it so much harder to go back to school. Let’s face it, anyone that has waited can tell you that life tends to interfere.

On the flip side, she would be significantly younger than all her classmates at college. That may or may not be a things since it is likely she is younger than those graduating with her. She may be missing out on social maturation. She may be getting burned out on school.

Looking at what we know, we can only make some guesses. She is graduating early with a good g.p.a. That would imply she is focused and mature enough to work towards a goal. So being focused and mature enough for that, she likely has her own thoughts on what she wants for her life. At this point, she has earned the right to be heard on this.

@smudges 16, 17, history (possibly a doctorate), a bit behind socially (maybe, I’m no shrink), lives with her parents, 120–180 miles or so away, at least for the private school she’s looking at. Small private is almost a definite here.

As far as the “have her” stuff I fully understand the sentiment. Her mom and I, and others, will guide her but the choice is definitely hers in the end.

There’s still plenty of time to make these decisions, but now is about the time to start thinking about it at least. Thanks all.

@Chestnut if she’s underage, she would be dating boys older than she would be. Would that be a problem? If she became sexually active, it might, depending on the laws in that state.

A related question: What sort of living situation would she be in in the new town?

@snowberry I’m not too worried about first issue, if you knew her you’d understand.

For second, if she goes to the college she’s liking now, would live in a dorm that accommodates either 2 or 4. I’d prefer her in 4, but that’s her choice, or recommend preference at least.

Oh, and if she expects her parents to kick I’m a bit to pay for this, we will have some say to where and stuff, so using the phrase “have her” isn’t totally out of line.

Sounds like you’re on top of things, and know her well. I’d just say – and I’m sure you already know this – just keep an open mind while guiding her and letting her spread her wings. It’s definitely a plus that school is relatively close, but far enough to feel independent. She sounds like a great kid. :o)

P.S. Another thought is school part-time to get the hang of college, and also volunteering. Volunteer work looks great on college apps and resumes.

@smudges Thanks! Great stuff. It’s more her mom wants her close. We’ve been watching a lot of campus tour videos on YouTube, and actually Bagdad University looks like a really good school, as does Berlin University. One college she’s looking at says most of the students do a semester abroad and since she’s doing well in German in high school that seems a natural fit. Her mom not so much.

Oh, and she does a lot of volunteering, mostly through Girl Scouts where she earned her community service bars and Silver Award. She is now starting the process to earn Gold Award. So, so proud!

^^^ Awww good for her! Let’s hope she keeps that innocence for as long as possible. She made me smile today.