Who do you think is responsible to pay the bill in this scenario?

I know this scenario well. I put 3 kids through drama club/classes at school.

It is just as you’ve outlined. It is the responsibility of the parents for their own children and themselves, and then it is the responsibility of each unaccompanied teen to pay for themselves.

I am sorry your friends were stuck with the bill for dead beats. (Is that one word? Deadbeat?)

I believe your friends should not pay for the deadbeats, and the restaurant should refuse to seat groups from the drama club in the future if the behavior continues.

If you neglect to discuss it with the children beforehand on each occasion, it really is on the parents.
Reminds me quite a bit of the “invited by the boss to a mandatory company dinner” threads on Reddit, where at the end the employees are expected to pay for their own meals, or the boss bails.

As one of the parents, I would feel obligated to make sure the restaurant isn’t stuck with it.

There are two parts to how I would respond:

I would speak openly to the other parents at the table, and try to get people to pitch in and cover the kids who skipped out.

Next, I would talk to the other parents to see who knows the parents of the kids that skipped, and let them know that others had to cover for their kids. And let them know the restaurant won’t seat the kids who won’t pay.

Another thing to consider, is that some of the kids will be from poor households, and may not even have any money.
I remember how much of a struggle it was for my family to scrounge up enough cash to pay for class trips, or the mandatory 100+€ graphing calculator we were required to have in grade 10–12.
Do you really want to be the person that says to a poor kid “I do not care that you are poor, you do not get to celebrate with the others, sucks to be you I guess”, or “Guess you will just have to sit at the table, and starve, while you watch the others eat, lol.”

Maybe suggest to the owner of the restaurant that the kids must pay for their meal before it is served. No pay, no meal. Then it would be obvious who isn’t paying. Or send a note to all the parents who don’t attend that some of the kids are stiffing the restaurant by not paying for their food and it is falling on others to cover the bill for them. Or tell the kids that if one more person doesn’t cover their tab that there will be “no more” eating out to celebrate. Then if 1 kid skips on the tab, “stop” taking all of them out to eat. Or ask the server to put the name of each kid on top of the tickets. Yes, it’s a pain but you’ll know who is failing to pay and can discuss it directly with them or their parents

@SEKA: Names on the tickets is a good idea.

@ragingloli: I get that it’s not nice to tell kids they can’t eat but my friends are very much “hand to mouth” themselves. The wife works as a receptionist (so she’s minimum wage) and I“m sure they’re looking at big medical bills now with the father having a chronic disease.

I’m giving everyone GA’s and I’m appreciative of all the answers.

Then perhaps they should reconsider having those eating out events at all. Or create a mutual fund that everyone pays into over time, and when it reaches a certain level, then go out and pay for everyone’s meal from that.

Maybe take up a collection in advance for the estimated total and tell each kid what the max of what they can order is?

I’ve had that happen in other groups too. In general, people do put in for their meal but not enough for the tip and tax and overs have to cover for them. One group has stopped having dinners together because they were stiffed last time.

I also like @ragingloli‘s suggestions of taking dues over time and then using it for the bill.

@ragingloli and @janbb both had a great idea. Make a pool of money for the kids. Tell the kids what their budgeted amount is to order, and then tell the restaurant. Everybody gets to eat, and the restaurant gets their money.

We used to do this for the sailing kids. We had the parents chip in a probably-larger-than-needed amount ahead of time to cover everybody. If their was an overage, we tipped bigger, because waiting on a group of excited teenagers was always a little crazy.

Definitely like the idea of taking up dues throughout the season and buying the dinners with that money. It wouldn’t be so much at one time, so even the people not so well off can afford it. And giving a budget is a good idea, too. That way, one of the kids won’t order above what they can even eat.
Your friends were very kind to pay the others bill, but they should never have to do that again.

As a former waitress, I like the idea of putting the name of the person on the top of each ticket. Yes, it’s a pain in the ass!!! Don’t know about now, but back then, the waitress was responsible for any walkouts without paying, so the cost came out of her paycheck. I’d rather take the time to write the name than have to lose $50 at the end of the night!!!

^^ But I doubt they do separate checks for a group that large? Most of the time when I’m eating with a large group they won’t do separate checks.

^^ We always did. Or I’d put the name just over the order for that person. It’s NOT that hard to accommodate paying customers when you don’t want to lose money!!!

Post-covid, order family style. Everyone eats. But if less people pay, less food. Not the end of the world. That’s why pizza is great for groups. You can just cut the slices skinnier. :)

@janbb I lived in a smallish town. There was one extremely busy diner open 24 hours. We thespians went there late after a rousing performance. There would often be multiple tables of us. Some with 10. Some with 6. Some with 4. I don’t know why they did it, but they would often oblige us by writing separate checks.

I’m assuming the kids were clearly told and understood they have to pay for themselves.

As an adult bringing the kids to the restaurant, I think I would feel badly if the restaurant didn’t get paid, so I’d probably help to pay it, and hope the other adults also chip in, and then never do that dinner thing again. I’d probably first go over to the kids and say, “a few of you forgot to pay your bill, and see if anyone coughs up the money.

I would have given the parent who was complaining $40 to help make up for last time.

If it’s likely some of the kids don’t have the money for it, then it might be embarrassing for them to say they can’t go because they can’t pay for it. Or, maybe they go and don’t order anything, but that’s awkward for teenagers. I think most of them have the money though.

Is there an email list for all of the parents? I’d consider sending an email saying some of the children didn’t pay and the adults got stuck footing the bill, and next time the adults will NOT pay. Basically telling them the restaurant will call the parents or police, but said in a nicer way. A reminder email a night or two before the last night to make sure the kids have money for dinner afterwards.

Maybe just having pizza delivered to the theater would be easier. Take up a collection, or if there are ticket sales put $200 towards pizza and soft drinks. Or, go to a restaurant like a pizza parlor where you order the number of pizzas ahead of time.

I’ve never had a situation like this happen. I’m shocked it happens in 2022 when it’s very common for everyone to pay for themselves.

Order and pay before eating

The simplest solution would be for the waitress to present the adults with two bills, one for the adults and one for the kids. The adults can pay their share of the kids’ bill on a pro rata basis. Anything left can be a tip for the waitress.

A real world issue. Some kids do this no matter if they have money or not. In the scope of everything going on in today’s world that could be worse than a group of like minded people gathering to celebrate together, just pay out the bill. These are times to cherish and be proud, not agitated. Agitated should be reserved for when there is a real reason.