Should I forgive my mom?
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vimead1 (
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April 11th, 2022
Back when I was 3 years old my mom left my dad with three children to take care of and a lot of bills to pay, She was like a deadbeat and we almost never saw her, she rarely called us and my baby brother spent most of his life without a mom. For 14 years we had to deal with minor poverty, an emotionally broken dad and an apartment with the worst management on earth. Who was there to walk me to the bus on my first day of school? (Hint: Not her) She still loves us but I don`t share much of the same love for her, She made my life a living hell and I don`t know if I should forgive her.
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18 Answers
Will it make you feel better if you forgive her?
Yes. That is how you can move forward.
I don’t think there’s any hard and fast rule about the necessity for forgiveness. You can forgive or not forgive, whichever helps you the most. The important thing is not to internalize her rejection so that you can feel good in yourself.
I agree with the penguin. Your attitude toward your mother is up to you and her. Her “worthiness” is for you to determine. And worthy or not, you are certainly never going to forget the grievances.
I try to forgive everyone. Has she offered any contrition?
Yes she is only human. Would you make the same, or other, mistakes with your children? Would you like them to forgive you?
Since you are thinking about this, it tells me you are open to forgiving her. You don’t have to do it today or even tomorrow. But she has to be willing to admit she was wrong.
My kids are having a hard time forgiving their dad, who did the same thing to us. My son is especially betrayed.
Forgiving someone frees you up to be happy again. It’s a choice. You do not have to trust her or let her back into your life again.
Sure you can but the question is if it will repair your relationship with her.
Is your Mother genuinely sorry for her actions?
If so then forgive her.
If she in not absolutely sorry and doesn’t convince you that she is then do NOT forgive her.
If she isn’t sorry for her actions then don’t forgive anyway because you want to feel better.
Forgiveness is something that must be earned through repentance.
It’s a great question, and one I’m not able to answer. My only advice is to follow your heart. I would completely understand anyone making either decision in a similar situation.
I think the consensus is to forgive. If you feed the anger and hate and blame, all you do is continue to let her make you miserable. You become a bitter person and will likely follow in her footsteps. Just remember, forgiveness is not saying what was done was right, it’s just saying you are moving past the actions.
Look at it this way: you are alive. You had a dad that did what he needed to raise you and your siblings. You were given chances to succeed even if they were not the lofty ones you have in your mind if mom had stayed. Take control of your life and make something of it.
And always remember: it could have been worse if she stayed.
Rather than polling a bunch of strangers for a vote, I suggest you go for therapy with a trained counselor to sort out your feelings around your mother and your past. Whether to forgive her or not is just the tip of the iceberg.
Until you get the whole story of why she left you will forever be in the dark about her reasons.
There could be things that your father never disclosed.
Example: Abuse, cohersion to leave,threats , no assistance from him if he takes the children and so on.
There are always two sides to an issue of which only one side gets heard.
Truth will come out later when children are adults and can handle it better.
My ex left because he is a stupid, selfish, narcissistic pig. Sometimes the reasons are no more profound or multifaceted than that, @Inspired_2write.
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