Why do you think newfound niece via 23andMe no longer wants to meet?

I had a similar situation.
A DNA test told someone (LM) that we were first cousins, which surprised me. He knew he was adopted.
He sent me an email asking to meet, and exchange information. I replied that I wanted to do that, and then nothing. He hasn’t replied to the emails I have sent since.
I am guessing at what happened.
His test showed he was my first cousin. Possibly one of my cousins who were his half siblings told him not to discuss this with anyone else, or they would not talk to him. Some of my cousins are that petty, and they would certainly try to protect their father (I am assuming).
I hope to try to meet him on my next trip to Las Vegas.

@filmfann, that’s what happened and what my siblings initial reaction was at first too but after some time we said we would meet. We never told her we didn’t want to. I am guessing the grandma wanted her to stop talking to us but I don’t know why.

I feel like I don’t have closure for our family now. Like does my half brother even know we exist? I wonder if she told him yet. I hope she comes around and lets me know at least… her response seemed to indidcate when the time is right she will reach out but who knows. Guess I may never know.

She’s spooked into thinking it’s a scam.

My guess is that the day will arrive when you will discover the truth of it. were I in Your shoes, I would proceed directly to grandma’s house. Bring a tasty bribe that you personally find irresistible, along with some teabags of a favorite you suspect granny hasn’t tried.

That’s the thing about these genetic tests; they can open a can of worms and there’s no predicting what may come out. One of my friends found out that their boarder was her actual father.

We could speculate all day about what your niece might be feeling but the truth is she’ll either get back to you again or not. And you may have to live without closure.

@janbb what?? Did he have your friend young so they covered for him saying he was their bro?

It’s very intense emotionally, whichever side you’re on, maybe she really just needs some time to process it. Your response was a bit hesitant on the last post, perhaps she simply feels the same way.

@knowitall yeah it’s like it switched lol. I know she really wanted to get to know her heritage and us but something happened after talking to her grandma. Maybe she told her she can’t see us and doesn’t want my half brother finding out. Oh well…I guess I will try not to think about it. Kinda weird knowing I have someone that’s my brother out there I never met not knowing I existed. I’m not looking or saying we should intertwine our lives but to just at least know of eachother and meet, even be social media friends lol might have been sufficient.

@chelle21689 Yes, no telling what she’s heard at this point. If it’s meant to happen, it will. At least you were open to it, so it’s her choice now. Good job. :)

Her Grandmother came up with another/better lie that satisfied her curiosity!!! OR…Grandmother guilted her into feeling that what she’s doing is going to destroy her family & hurt those that she loves most. Either way, you did your part to welcome her into your family. Maybe it was just too overwhelming for her. Now, the ball is in HER court & you can do nothing further until she decides to learn more. Lies have a way of unraveling!!!

@ladymarissa, maybe. The niece was friendly but short in her response to me. Different than usual where she was eager to overshare everything lol. I am hopeful it means one day since she said she will be in contact in the future..but until then I will just move on with life though I know it will always be hanging in thr background of our families’ minds.

Skeletons in the closet.

@chelle21689 My dad was a stubborn old codger who REFUSED to admit the truth in his own family. His dad had committed suicide, the whole family knows about it, but he died calling my mother a liar for telling me such a lie…although I had a copy of the report showing that his dad had indeed died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head just 30 minutes after checking into the hotel. I would have preferred that our final moments together had been something more meaningful, but he just couldn’t let it go!!! I can see her grandma doing much the same. Eventually this young lady will reach out again IF only for her OWN peace of mind…Your family will eventually learn the truth also!!!

I hate to say this, but I don’t think one can 100% rule out that your dad is the one being dishonest in this instance. Though we do know that Grandma has lied about this before, so it’s difficult to know what the real story was from the outside looking in. Ultimately, I think it’s less important to think about the events surrounding conception, and more important to connect with newly discovered relatives. I can appreciate how this process may take time and wish you and your (now bigger) family luck. I hope you’re able to eventually connect and share your lives in a meaningful and positive way.

@ladymarissa… oh my, that is a very tragic story.

@gorillapaws

Yeah, we don’t know for sure if my dad’s side of story is true because only him and the grandma know for sure. I just find it very odd to lie to your kid about who the dad is and their ethnic background. They identified as white but with some native ancestry to explain some of the dark features but they’re Asian. I am thinking the one who the grandma said is the grandpa knew it wasn’t his son biologically since it seems they didn’t get together until after.

Thanks all!

@chelle21689: Your story illustrates why some people don’t do DNA tests. They don’t want skeletons coming out of the closet.

I gave a test as a gift to someone in my family, who happens to be a US Marine who fought in the Vietnam War. He never did the test, although I encouraged him to do it, because as you know the test is pre-paid, so i told him it’s already paid for, you may as well do it. I thought about it afterwards, and I realized that the reason why he didn’t do the test may be because he is afraid he has children in Vietnam that he doesn’t know about, and doesn’t want to open that can of worms.

@jca2 lol if I had known about turning off the DNA relative finder I would’ve. I turned it off just in case now. haha