Is there any way I can fix this?
I have really stuck my foot in it this time. So I’ve been talking to this guy on Instagram who’s from Ukraine. The language barrier has been somewhat of a struggle, but Google translate helps a lot and you’d be amazed what you can communicate with pictures and emojis.
Now, I realize I’m going to come off as the world’s biggest fool when I tell you the next part, but here goes. I know this guy is happily married and I realize this will probably bring on a lot of doubting comments. But tonight we were talking about books we like to read, when all of a sudden he sent me a picture, nothing inappropriate, just of himself, and it had some text, which I used Google lens and translate to figure out.
The phrase was, what are you wearing, girl?
So, I figured it was either a horrible mistake on the point of Google translate, except I don’t think it was, or maybe he was talking to his wife and sent the message to me by mistake.
Okay, cue the laughter at my naivete, but I don’t care, I still think he didn’t mean to send it.
Somewhat confused, and sort of laughing about the situation, I responded back with what I figured was a safe remark, and also put a laughing emoji after my message so that he would understand I was just joking around. What I basically said was that it was 11:00 at night here, so I was just basically slumming it in some fleece pants and a t-shirt. Not exactly what I would call a sexy outfit, but who knows what standards are in Ukraine? I don’t even think he saw my comment because usually Instagram will indicate if the person has seen it, but shortly after that he went offline, even though he’s typically on this time of day, and he hasn’t been back on since. I messaged him, apologizing for any misunderstanding and trying to explain that I had just been joking with him since I figured it had been a mistake. Now, typically, even if he’s offline, if I send him a message he’s fairly quick to respond, but this time, nothing. And now I’m absolutely mortified, and also really sad because I was just enjoying chatting with him about what’s going on over there and movies and books we like, Etc. Have I just totally blown this now?
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Back right off, sweetie, and do it now.
And do not mention what you’re wearing again. You knew better when you did it.
@Jeruba, you may not believe me, but that was really not my intention when I responded to him.
I do believe you, but it seems plain that you’ve gone where you didn’t want to go. Better undo it as promptly as possible before you get in any deeper. The political-cultural aspect makes this a lot more sensitive than it would be otherwise.
The guy is from Ukraine? Maybe the reason he is offline is because of the war?
@Jeruba it’s late, and I’m stupid tired, so can you explain what you meant about the political culture end of things?
@Mimishu1995 thanks for responding. I hope you’re right, and I also hope this was all just a big misunderstanding that the two of us will laugh about when he does get back on, but in the meanwhile I know myself too well, not to think that I’m going to beat myself up about it.
Well, the situation in Ukraine affects all of its people, that’s one thing. You didn’t say whether “from” Ukraine meant he’s actually there, or he’s in another country (the U.S.?), and whether on a prior visa or now as a refugee. In any case he may be under tremendous stress and not quite under normal self-control.
He may have an image of Americans based only on TV and the internet and expect someone flirtatious and unburdened by traditional values. You’ve just played into that. You may have unintentionally triggered some fantasy he thinks he’d like to pursue..
This man is married (“happily,” you say). It’s not for you to mess with that. I don’t believe you ought to be planning what the two of you will be laughing about. Apologize for being thoughtless and impulsive, and tell him you think it would be better not to pursue your friendship. Let him laugh about it with his wife.
With the war going on there, it’s totally possible that he lost his internet connection & can’t get back online. Maybe it’s a sign that it’s time to STOP playing with this guy. Maybe his wife got tired of being an internet widow & asked him to back off. Maybe he came to his senses. Maybe it has NOTHING to do with what you were wearing!!!
Maybe there’s NOTHING to fix!!!
This smells like a catfish scheme to me. Don’t get sucked in! We can’t be 100% sure but if you had to bet the odds are this is a scam.
The people who do this are experts in manipulating victims by playing off their feelings. Right now, much of the world is sympathetic to the Ukrainians. That is a perfect “in” for a scammer.
Never send a pic; never send money; never send a gift card or whatever.
Just Ghost him now.
@LuckyGuy Yeah, I’m kind of thinking of the catfishing possibility too. The fact that the guy is on Instagram constantly just doesn’t sound right to me.
Maybe he feels awful that he asked you what you’re wearing?
I think you should stop talking to him now. He is married, so what do you hope to accomplish?
My first thought was what @LuckyGuy was thinking. What a coincidence that there’s a war in Ukraine that everyone is involved in emotionally, and that’s where this guy is from! jToo much of a coincidence, as far as I’m concerned. I’d be leery. There are many fish in the sea.
When people tell you there’s plenty of fish in the sea….>>>
Insta is full of people like that, not unique, not special. Just another pervert. Likely he’s already moved on to his next victim.
There are millions of interesting people in the world so why waste a second thinking about some random?
It can be fun flirting online but it can be dangerous too especially if the other party is happily married. He may well be separated from his wife just now and in a war zone. Don’t get involved.
I agree with @flutherother. Whether he’s legit or not, this smells. If he’s happily married he shouldn’t be chatting online and asking for pictures. What is there in that to gain for you? I remember when you were first here, you were in love with someone unattainable. I’ve been in somewhat similar situations and they are not conducive to good mental health. I’ve stopped engaging in that destructive pattern.
Don’t worry about trying to fix anything; just be glad you got off relatively easily.
Since he is married, perhaps his WIFE saw that and thus no more contact.
Get the messege, leave him alone.
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I’m with others – why are you flirting with a married man online? And deny it all you want, but it boils down to flirting and the excitement of being ‘bad’. There are so many other men to talk to who either aren’t married, or will at least say they aren’t if you’re honestly just looking for a friend to talk to. If you’re older than 14, I don’t believe you’re so naive as to think what he wrote was an accident or unintentional. For his wife’s sake, I hope you have blown it. Find a real life friend.
No, there isn’t. Let it go.
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