Would you get your kids baptised if it was really, super important to your mother?
I would. Why not? I’d let her take them to church, too.
I just watched the saddest People’s Court. The mother cut all ties with her daughter and grandkids because her daughter and son in law said no to baptism.
Judge Milan really laid into the Mom.
One of the things she said was “MY God would not turn innocent children away from heaven because they weren’t baptised!”
Her daughter was just crying and crying.
Hell! Baptise them already!
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Nope. It is not my Mother’s choice. My Mother is not raising them. My Mother would also not even think of interjecting in this either.
You need to use your imagination. Step outside of your real life. What IF….
Still a nope. Any person or organization that puts pressure on you like this is acting on their behalf and not respecting your choices.
I agree. But what would it hurt? My kids were dedicated as infants. There were no ill effects at all.
No. If you get baptised, you are legally obligated to pay church tax.
I am not supporting that transnational child rape ring with my money.
You are not legally obligated to pay church taxes @ragingloli!
If it was my religion, I wouldn’t object. If it was a religion that was not my religion, I wouldn’t do it.
@Dutchess_III It is the principal. I wouldn’t pressure my adult children in anyway or on anything. This one especially.
Why not @jca2? What would it hurt?
I agree with you @Forever_Free.
The thing is, if they believe the kids wouldn’t get to heaven without it then it’s done out of concern.
I think it’s nonsense.
But it’s not about me. In this scenario it’s the mother’s belief.
I can just hear the day when the kids say to their mother, “hey remember when grandma forced us to get baptized!”
@Dutchess_III: You’re asking why I wouldn’t baptize my child in a religion that wasn’t my religion, to please my mother? For example, baptize the child Catholic if we’re not Catholic?
Sure. Why not? It doesn’t actually make them Catholic. It just makes Gramma feel better that the baby won’t go to purgatory if it dies while still a baby.
You can get the child baptized in as many different religions as you want. It won’t hurt a thing. In the end the child will adopt the parent’s religious beliefs.
@Dutchess_III It is a sacrament in the Catholic Church. That Sacrament is supposed to draw you into a deeper relationship with the religion. Else it is a bit of a mockery of the religion. What do you think the priest/pastor of that religion say if it is being done just to appease Gramma and that the parents opinion is that it doesn’t actually make them Catholic?
I personally think it would be quite confusing for a child to keep changing a religious foundation.
How does getting a child baptized in multiple religions help? Why would a person do that?
If you have grandparents of multiple faiths you might do it then. Or a religious spouse.
I don’t take any of it seriously but some do. It’s for their sake, if that’s what they wanted. Not for mine, not for the childs.
@Dutchess_III: If I’m going to get my child baptized, it would be for real, not for the fuck of it, so I would only be willing to do it in the religion which is my religion. If my mother couldn’t understand that, or was unwilling to accept that my child is the religion I chose, that’s my mother’s issue, not mine.
Ok. Well. So your mother never talks to you again, and never sees the kids grow up, you’d be OK with that?
Seems like a horribly sad situation over nothing to me.
@Dutchess_III: My mother wasn’t like that, first of all, but if she was like that, it would be her doing, not mine, so if she wants to not see her grandchild because she’s stubborn and insisting on something stupid like I baptize the child in a religion that’s not mine, then…. I mean, where does it end? If she’s an asshole, she’s going to keep insisting on certain things under the threat of never talking to me again?
Well, for the sake of this argument, let’s say it is only the baptism involved. Say she’s Catholic and you’re Baptist.
I don’t think of a baptism as a charade, so no. Not doing it.
Well, if your Mom was stressing that your kids weren’t Baptised Catholic….I mean really stressed and worried…you wouldn’t do it just to set her mind at ease?
No. If you feel differently, then we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
@Dutchess_III If my children decide they want to be baptized, they can do it when they’re old enough to know what it is and they can decide for themselves if they want it done. I’m not going to force it on them like it was forced on me.
Grandma is looking at this all wrong. If she cuts ties to her daughter and grandchildren, she will no longer be in their life to GUIDE them towards her religion.
I agree with whoever up there said if daughter gives in to this, what will be next? Johnny shouldn’t be playing dress up because it will make him gay? Susie can’t play with little green army men because it will make her a militant?
On another note, I’m assuming grandma is catholic. If so, she knows that you can be baptized at anytime shown by the fact that people that convert to Catholicism are baptized.
The thought that a non-baptized baby goes to Purgatory is something that Catholic Priests and Nuns spread decades ago. It was a fear factor to families and children to get people to stay in the faith. I admit, I heard this proselytizing from Nuns when I was a kid.
These tactics (and other factors) have been proven to drive people away from the religion. We should have advanced enough as a people to not do things out of a religious fear.
Additionally @chyna brought up a great point that alienation is not productive or helpful. It is a shallow way of trying to force one persons belief on others.
But Grandma believes in purgatory. She believes if the baby dies before it gets baptized that’s where it goes. And she’s stressing about it. I would take pity and just do it for her sake. And if she starts pushing other things I would deal with them as they came.
I agree with everything you guys are saying about religions, BTW. How it manipulates people for its own ends.
My babies were Christened without regard to my family or my husband’s.
By no one’s request. We wanted our children Baptized, and later confirmed. In my denomination the Christening is a vow made by the parents and the congregation’s acceptance of the child into the Church family with promise to assist parents when called upon. @chyna
Did you receive any pushback from your family, or your husband’s, for your decision @SnipSnip?
My grandkids were all baptized and I would probably have preferred they weren’t. But I didn’t say anything, their kids, their choice.
I agree. baptism.
But the question includes the fact that Gramma believes the children’s souls are in danger of eternal damnation without baptisim.
@Dutchess_III I guess the grandmother didn’t do a good job instilling that idea in her son or daughter so it’s time for her to give it up.
Yeah. It was a very, very sad case. The grandmother just cut her daughter AND grand children off over religion.
My mom was raised Catholic but turned her back on the church in the 60s. But it dies hard. In 1990 or so, when my son was just 3 or 4, my mom said “He is so easy going. Have you considered him for The Church?”
I about choked! I just mumbled “Um. No.”
She never mentioned it again.
And when she got dementia in the 2000s she slipped back into the familiar, comforting habits of The Church.
@Dutchess_III No pushback. All family are members are of protestant denominations different from my family. There are Episcopalians and Baptists, but we are Presbyterians (PCUSA).
Hard for me to say since I baptized my kids, but I know if my dad was around (who was a really devote Catholic and he insisted and I didn’t want to, I would’ve done it to give him peace of mind if I was against it. Getting someone baptized doesn’t guarantee heaven anyway nor does it guarantee that the child will be Christian. Neither of my kids is Christian at best they are agnostic but I think one is an atheist. I didn’t raise them to be Christian because I always felt you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink or in this case truly believe. I try to be a good Christian but I know I fall short, but I do believe. My children are adults and by every aspect good people. If I had grandchildren I would at least want them baptized the rest is up to them.
I raised my kids to be Christian, had them dedicated and everything (Pentecostal church) but as they grew up they changed their minds. Fine by me. I did too. We all tip toed around the subject until it slowly became clear where we all stood.
Dutchess_III It is a sad fact that grandparents, in general, have not yet learned to allow their adult children make their own decisions when it comes to raising children.
Having a child baptized is committing to educating that child on Christian faith. If the parent/s is/are not Christian, why should they commit to this? The parent can still expose the child to the Christian (or any religious) belief without having the child baptized. Let the child choose when to be baptized, if ever.
Grandma needs to learn her place.
It’s not a commitment unless the parents make it one @Pied_Pfeffer. It’s just a placating gesture otherwise.
According to their teachings (Christianity), it’s a commitment, @Dutchess_III.
Oh, I know. I dedicated my kids under the same premise. But they grew up and it didn’t stick.
It doesn’t mean that the baptized people must live by those tenets, but it means that the people who are baptizing their children must be serious about it and not just do it for a joke or for some bullshit reason (like just doing it for show to please the children’s grandmother).
I was serious about it.
I’d still do it now just to placate Mom.
Here is another way to look at it:
Grandma wants the grandchild baptized because she is of the Christian faith. The parents do not want to have THEIR CHILD baptized for some unknown reason (Not religious? Want the child to make the call when it is old enough to decide?, etc.)
If the parents cave in to the grandmother’s wishes, despite their judgement, just to appease her, isn’t that similar to giving in to a child having a tantrum over a toy?
I don’t think so. She’s worried about the child’s immortal soul. The parents believe it’s all silly, but Gramma is dead serious, and really worried.
It’s really not important enough to say “Let the child make their own decision.” What “decision”?
What I read in all this is that grandma wants to save them from purgatory if they were to die without being baptized.
Beyond the whole belief of this or not, the reality is that the children will far outlive their Grandma.
Babies and children do die.
If grandma is so anxious about this or anything else, she can go get some anti-anxiety medication, instead of trying to push her anxiety onto her adult children. That’s what I’d tell her – “you better calm yourself the fuck down and go to the psychiatrist but back off.”
@Dutchess_III My mother wanted for my partner to be married by her minister. I explained that my partner is an atheist and I am agnostic; the service would only be for her, it wasn’t necessary in our eyes, and it wouldn’t be right to ask her minister to provide the time and effort. If she wanted to have a small party at her house and invite the minister, a family friend, and ask him if he would “bless” the union, that would be fine with us.
I asked a college friend, who is now a minister, if he would perform a wedding if the couple were not Christian. He said that if they both had the intention to embrace the religion, then yes, he would perform the ceremony.
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