Is it ok to let your sister to live with your family forever?

Nobody’s business but theirs.

Are A and B really happy with S? Or is that an assumption on S’s part?

“Usual quarrels” doesn’t sound like an optimal living situation.

Though really it’s up to A and B.

Why are you involved in this?

That doesn’t sound like my sister.

But whoever it is this could be a great idea for a Netflix series. Don’t change anything till you talk to a producer.

Or a psychologist.

Either way I think things will be okay. As long as she stays in the basement.

Or the attic.

Just keep everyone away from Wanda.

@Jeruba I’m going to guess that OP is either A, B, S or one of the teenage children?

I have my guesses too, @raum, but I’d like to see the OP’s answer.

Thanks for replies.
I forgot to mention this tiny detail… S is A’s elder sister, she’s around 8 years older than A.

@Jeruba This seems to be happening with my distance relatives, which more or less makes it my business.

@raum I’m neither.

I’m just asking for opinions, your views on this matter and nothing more.

It is none of your business.

I think it’s fine if everyone is content with it, even though there may be occasional squabbles. Extended family living situations used to be the norm. My BIL lived with us for 2½ years when he moved over from England and it was fine. He eventually decided to move out but we hadn’t pushed him out.

@Forever_Free I think Sam is just wondering about our reactions, not looking to butt in.

It’s up to them and whether they want to. They should if they want to.

What should not happen is X consults the public at large to see if there is some universal reason all sisters S should not live with all couples A & B longer than n years. There is no such universal reason.

Now, there may be a notion some people may have (esp. q.v. some Americans) that practically all households should consist of one adult, one adult couple, and/or their children, and that almost anything else is some sort of problem, and/or lower status and/or must involve someone “freeloading” or whatever. Not everyone thinks that way, but some people who do sometimes act like it is a universal thing, probably because it’s easier that to accept that they and/or their family suffer from needless toxic stigmatic thinking.

Hopefully she is contributing to the household in ways that might not be obvius to the casual observer.

Heck, if she takes care of all the lawn, garden, and tree pruning maintenance, she could stay with us!!!

If everyone is content, there’s no reason not to continue the current arrangement. My biggest concern would be the state of the family unit\marriage since it’s their home.

For the future, please make up some names instead of using letters.

If all the parties are comfortable with the situation I’d say butt out.

@Sam4One My opinion is that if you’re a distant relative, it’s not really your business.

Yes, you can totally discuss hypotheticals with strangers on the internet if you’re hoping to get a feel for what people think is acceptable or the norm. But there’s a big difference between that and it being your business.

(Just pointing this out since your replies to @Jeruba and your reply to me do not mesh?)

People don’t value what they get for free. It’s human nature.
I firmly believe every adult in a household should be contributing something. It can be anything within their power but it must be something tangible: babysitting, home repairs, kitchen cleanup, cooking, laundry, outdoor work, payment for utilities, etc.
You get a pass for a month or two after some traumatic event or illness while you are still a guest and are recovering, But after that, your own pride should push you to become a contributor. It will even help speed your recovery.
Hopefully, sister S is helping. The next time you are there or at some family event quietly watch the dynamic. Did S get up and help put away the dishes? Did she help cooking the meals? Did she perform kid wrangling while A and B were tied up in the kitchen.
She might be giving A and B her previous rent money to help pay for their mortgage.
You never know.

There is more to this family dynamic than what can be represented here.
Leave it up to them.

@janbb still as stated

I’m wondering if “distant relative” is used here to mean “relatives who live far away.” The correct definition, which is relatives who aren’t closely related to the person, like a great-aunt or a second or third cousin, doesn’t quite seem to fit.

Edited my original response re: typo errors

Hypothetically and practically no one lives forever in the same situation as they will in time come to realize that things change to feel more confident in carving their own way in life soon enough.

A plan on getting the help needed to get over setbacks and motivated to work on there own goals could assist a person who had given up after a setback, but this takes time and patience for that person to recover at their pace and it’s up to the people that are supporting her to get to that mindset in the future, if that marriage is to survive without interference of a third ‘wheel” .

Pretty much common sense with compassion and patience is called for in this situation by all involved.

Time will tell, who knows she may find a lovable supporting partner and move on.

(I think the OP is S.)

From what you’ve told us S gets along with all the family members so there is no reason to ask her to leave. It’s OK to let her stay indefinitely. Family becomes more precious with the passing of time.

@flutherother Unless OP is A or B, we don’t actually know that S gets along with all the family members. How would a distant relative know the personal dynamics of this household? Even S would have a bias because they’re motivated to stay.

@raum,and @Jeruba – Does all this mean the OP is an SOB??

I’m so confused.

@raum I’m not really following. The OP says that S got along with all the family members. That’s how we know.

@flutherother We know that OP thinks that S got along with all the family members. But if they’re a distant relative (by distance or relation), I’m not sure if that’s information they’d actually be privy to?

@JLoon If @Jeruba’s guess is correct, OP is SOA. :P

I think it would be nice to hear more from the OP at this point.

Do you have some sort of legal guardianship over your sister? If not, who are you to “let” her do anything?

I don’t see anything wrong with family members living together as adults unless they don’t get along.

Thank you guys for the replies as always.
Let this be last response to clear everyone’s doubt.

First of all, many people are misunderstanding my intention here, of course it’s not my place to meddle in their business, it’s so obvious one doesn’t even need to tell. I also see that people jump to conclusion too easily without reading the whole thing.

When did I say that I need advise on this matter? I’m pretty sure I said I needed “your views” or should I say “your thoughts” on this situation.

Only few people gave me the answer I was looking for and rest totally misunderstood me. Ok no problem, I still got the answers in the end. And I thank you that you at least replied on my question.

S is contributing, she’s a nurse at a private hospital.

Next, those of you who think I’m either A, B or S, sorry to disappoint you, I’m neither of them.

Actually B is my paternal cousin. We used to hang out when we were kids, then her parents moved away and we lost touch. I met again her again when our families had a huge gathering during new year’s time. And you may guess, we didn’t sleep the whole night and just talked and talked and talked.

Recently I watched a movie and somehow I remembered what B said about her situation. So I thought how would people think of this situation and that’s all.

I hope, the above will clear everyone’s doubts.
Thanks again for your time.

Well. That’s clear as mud.